We demand freedom of speech.

2007-12-23T20:55:00.000+08:00

and here's to the new year.

I've moved, loves.

Redirect, XOXO.

wakeup.to/deartimetraveller

2007-12-03T12:19:00.000+08:00

and here all is calm, and all is bright
here's to wishes;
I miss you, goodnight.
----

Greetings y'all; from 10 000 feet above sea level.

Currently: in Breckenridge.

It's crazy, the view from outside my window. Snow, snow, and more snow; and slopes and skis and trees and little starry lights that twinkle.
It's like something out of Narnia; only I haven't seen Mr Tumnus yet.

Anyway.
I came back on just for a teensy while before my brother starts protesting; just t'let y'all know that yes, I'm still alive and no, I haven't disappeared.
Tough luck.

Ash: Arnesh Arnesh Arnesh Arnesh!
Andre: yes I am. Though it's awfully hard to run at high altitudes up here. Harder than down there. ...Good exercise, though. You should come here sometime!
Av: Ooh, Paris? Awesome. You have to tell me all about it when you get back-- plus, we have got to meet up. I insist. I miss you too, babes.
Cheryl: Ohh, you are so not forgetting what I look like. You and I, m'dear, have to meet up. And fast. Love ya, don't forget my face!
Choon: Hello!
Fiona: Hello!
Liang: "Rawr", says I, right back atcha.
Wenloongnonymous: ...You, Aquaman, really have to watch what you type. :P and no, I enjoyed myself.
And yessss, believe my threat. Evil laughter.
Maxy: Miss you tooooo. Have fun all the way there in China. My gosh, you're about halfway across the world from me right now.
Keep doing them pushups!

...okay, so yay. I've responded to just about everybodaye.

Skiing was crazy fun today.
It would be so awesome to have a job here.

"yeah, it's a great job. We get season passes and stuff, so it's cool."
"yeah. Plus we get paid in peanuts."
"...love peanuts."

So tomorrow we're going snowmobiling; and the days after I guess we'll hit the slopes again.

More updates and major picture upload when I get back in nine days, y'all.

Lovvvve.

2007-11-10T18:20:00.000+08:00

and I thought; be still my heart.
this could be a brand new start, with you.
and it will be clear.
---

... Good evening, world;

it feels good to be back home.

The sky outside has painted itself a nondescript, undemanding shade of grey and I am of the opinion that it is rather pretty.

I didn't do much today. Mummy scheduled a mani pedi for me; so I got my nails done, hurrah, I hope they last all the way till Orlando. Found a new lippy...and oh, needs to schedule an outing with the girls. Life becomes simpler over grande decaf lattes, I swear. <3

My blood test results came back, and my liver's fyyyne, so no cause for worry.

My tendency to fall asleep is becoming progressively more alarming. It's beginning to worry even me; which is saying a lot, y'know; and it would be nice to be able to, for once, stay awake over the phone. Because when I do, I gradually drift out of the conversation and the remaining conversation-- well, I only manage to catch bits of it, which is infinitely annoying because when the other person asks whether you've heard what they just said; you have no choice but to admit that yes, you fell asleep and no, you didn't hear much of it at all.

Which infuriates me no end.

... I like today's evening.
Everything's quiet and you don't feel as if you have to do anything, and the weather outside is damp and cool and dim and paper-fresh; just the way I like it.

I think I like life just the way it is, and for now-

I am content. <3

2007-11-04T15:14:00.001+08:00

and so we look back with starry eyes and,
-----

Happy birthday, 04. We're a year old now, and so much closer for it.

(p.s we'll miss you, Christel. Come back and visit us; you promised. <3)>

We had crazyloads of fun. We went to Macs to get our stuff, and then it was all:

Kat: Hi, could I have one McChicken, please? I don't want the chicken, I don't want the bun, I don't want the mayo...I just want the lettuce.

RJ: Hi, can I have one milkshake please?
Qiu: *pops up* *sings* ...My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard...

Cara: Heya. Could I have one grilled chicken foldover, one diet coke, and one diet water, please?

Yeah we do stupid things just cos we can.

MG nostalgia.

'Cos we're MGnificent.

Twister! (!!)

The Fourckers meet Casino Royale.

Hey Aussie girl. <3

Ash is shtuck.
Game Master: " *snicker* ...Aren't you all enjoying this?"
All, unanimously: "...NO!!!"

...You can stand under my legs, legs, legs. (inside spoof)

Go 'head, girl, go 'head, get down.

Emg how wrong, please.

Poledancers with teh coolest poles, yao. :D

Tracy-- come get some.

Kai Yuan (right) gets so bored that he decides to break out into an impromptu dance routine.

"See, Pravin; you can stand under my umbrella."

Omigosh it is so hard to take a proper picture with Gwen.

First failed attempt. (I forgot to turn off the zoom function.)

Second failed attempt. (Apparently it was still on zoom.)

Scuffle for the camera then ensues.

...Stillll scuffling...

Our one successful attempt.
(Apologies for the face. Gwen stepped on my toe when we were scuffling.)

"The kids that thought they'd run this town ain't running much of anything.
We're just loving and laughing and busting our covers,
and we call this living the dream."

2007-11-01T22:22:00.000+08:00

"If I'm going to be alive,
then I might as well be incredible;
I want to do more that just exist."
-----

Hello, good members of the NJC community.
Meet the newest kids on the block.

...Meet the Fourckers,

and hell yeah ohfour pwns!

I had tonsuv fun being an OGL today. OGLy OGLs OGLe.
And we the four raddest people in 04 burnt manymany calories jumping up and down and screaming and getting everyone revved up.

Juniors...you guys are the awesomestestest.

I feel odd being a senior, though. I don't even feel fifteen yet.
I feel fourteen. And my brother says I look twelve. (I do NOT.)

...But we be cool beans, yao. (:
I remember names. I remember many names.
Like Joe Wei; affectionately christened Pretty Boy upon being sighted. Omigosh and he already has, like, three?/four? IP2-to-be seniors perving on him. We had seniors dashing into class and pointing and going, "Hey, that's the pretty boy!" and Ruth yelling out "...PRETTY BOY!" and aaaahh, 07ers, you are creepy people.

P.S Pretty Boy: I am not a camwhore.
I merely enjoy capturing memories.
S'a difference.

And since I'm being harassed for pictures...

Oh four goodness' sake.

...Yongsters?

...Uh huh. The things we put our juniors through.

Louise. MG junior! (!!)
(who even looks cute upside down, dammit.)

Omigosh they have no idea what they're in for.
...Just loooook at all the unsuspecting little faces. ):

And so the torture begins.

...Apple bobbing!
He dips...

He dunks...

...He scores!

And yeah, so I did threaten to do things to PB's picture as payback for calling me a camwhore,
but whatev. I happen to be a nice person.
So I did add effects to his picture-- but nice ones.
My gosh, adore me.

Future Hollister model, anyone?

Caraahhh and Jinnie Gim Gim Gim.

Edward Cullen United.
(Okay so technically now I'm more into the whole Jacob Black thing, but still.)

Because you know you love us.

Yvett + Cara = Fringe Buddies.

Joe Wei (PB!).
I am not a camwhore.

Us in all our unglamourous, exhausted glory.

Badass.

07IP04.
The original Fourckers. <3

Yeah you got that right--
We're the champions.

...Obviously.

So yeah.
Today was awesome, and it felt amazing when the entire auditorium exploded at the end of it all, in a chorus (the same chorus!) of cheers and yells and
I think it's incredible how much we've bonded. I reckon we've bonded more over these last few days of school than we did in the entire year.

Which is just wow, y'know? ...
...and as the sun sets on NJC,

you know we've all got the NJ heartbeat.

It sounds way lame, but s'true.

Long live the red, white and gold.

Amen. <3

2007-10-31T20:51:00.000+08:00

because they live in a house of mirrors,
------

Today has been a long day, and Cara is tired.

IP Induction rehearsals, as per normal, as per every-day-of-this-week-so-far.

Full-dress rehearsals! ...and we all wore our class hoodies, and I brushed up on being Carl and got to go around with my hood up and my fringe down and I got caught by Ash for baring my teeth and making inane faces at walls. >:(

"...Vampire kid!"
"I am not!"

This is us. We went into some teensy room at the top of the auditorium to rehearse; and with all the hoodies, we could've passed off as some cult minority gathering to practise some straaange rite.

(from left to right) ...Geek and the Beauty!
...Or (still from left to right) Beauty and the Freak. Depends on your perspective.

The geeky emos.

...Spot the poser!

Me brushing up on being Carl.
See! I even blend in with the guys, no?

... Today we realized that Ash is the Original Emo, I'm a Bohemian+Emo= Bohemo, and Trace is just Not Emo At All.

I'm also pretty sure I did a whole heap of stupid things today, but I can't seem to remember them so I'm pretty happy not to blog about them at all.

Oh, and. I saw that (above) when I was about to go home, and I burst out laughing by myself when I saw it.
...Apparently, the need for male students to be clean-shaven is of utmost importance-- so important, in fact, that it was written in red ink.
Of all things to be emphasized.

I mean, I understand that there must be a perfectly logical reason behind it all, but really, what's the worst thing that male students could do in the exam halls, should they happen to (gasp) be unshaven?
Hide mathematical formulas in their beards?

Okay now I must fly.
It's Halloween and I hear Disney Channel being switched on downstairs and I want to watch Return To Halloween Town! :D

(hey by the way, you. No scaring little trick-or-treaters by jumping out at them when they walk into the lift.

really, some people.
tsk. ;D)

2007-10-27T19:42:00.000+08:00

hello, sunshine.
----

(thank you for the busride and our avenue,)

...Track dinner was awesome.
We all headed to Vila'ge, (though I was late) and subsequently I got myself a salad plate and Joshua doesn't like his Caesar leaves with lime on them.
I also learnt that in France, people pronounce "crepe" as "creepy". So when you want to order- you just raise your hand, nod to the waiter, and politely request "a platter of grilled chicken creepy; merci."

Okay now for a major picture unload.

And why yes, I am aware that my pictures "don't have colour".
I set them that way.

Joshua bullying Shu Fang.
Baaad tracker.

...The mugger cow!
And yes. The resemblance is disturbing.

[/end photo unload part I]

...Today we had the first rehearsal for IP Induction.

I'm still a leetle sore over the fact that there aren't any AC guys in our junior class.
Not that I've anything against AC guys. I'm just saying that the littler ones're fun to tease.

Aaand of course, our juniors're unfortunate enough to end up with us four-- Qiu, myself, Trace, and Ren Jean-- arguably the oddest out of the 04 bunch, aka:
1. the little tracker with the whiny voice.
2. the weirdo with the hair that eats her face.
3. the future first woman prez.
4. the swimmer seniorphile/paedophile/both.

But whatever.
We might be weird-- but we're still rad that way.

...The four verrry UN-OGLy OGLs.

Ren Jean: under the impression that if she can't see us, then we can't see her.

We had t'test out the Bucket Game to see if it was okay for our juniors.
So 07IP05 bravely stepped forward to be the first guinea pigs-- basically, supporting a bucket of water for five minutes. Kinda like Mr Sham's ab workout, only noisier.
(so much for suffering in silence. Very noisy, that bunch. Most unmartyr-like behaviour.)

Ting: *squeal*
Cara: *points* ...Y'know, there's still time to back out of this. The canteen's right theeeeere...

QL: is slacking.
Now we know.

Ren Jean: is in pain.

QL: is still slacking but pretending to be in pain too.

QL: *has arms behind head.* *is still slacking.*
Ren Jean: *complains*
Trace: *suffers*
Cara: (to quote Trace) "...sidecrunch!" *perpetually exercising*

...L'Oreal.
Because Emily's worth it.

OGLs in pain.

OGLs surrendering.

...The Random Bodypart Game!
Maxy and I drew "butt-to-waist"; so we had t'get the ball from one end of the linkway to the other.
Yes I know- awwww. Don't we look cuddly.

MaxCara: Faster than the speed of light.

... I am an ardent devotee of life.

...And to be perfectly honest; even though life can be a total bummer at times, and God knows how sometimes I wish it would just shush and go away already--

life is.

It just is,
and it's
wild and beautiful and it careens on its rapidly tilting axis,
hot coffee in a quiet cafe on a gold-lit road on a Saturday morning,
making wishes at 11.11 and believing that yeah, they'll come true,
dancing in your garden at midnight and not caring what the neighbours think,
waking up on Monday morning and finding something to look forward to,
looking up into the sky by night and realizing how infinite we are meant to be,

life is
reading poetry in the garden, on a cold night,
looking up and seeing a perfect full moon,
seeing your smile,
covering your eyes with my fingers and still seeing that big ol', wonderful ol' grin of yours spread across your face,
walking in the rain with Debussy and Enya and Frank Sinatra,
laughing with you all, so hard that it hurts,
smiling at strangers,
hearing your special song on the radio,
tossing your busfare into the wishing well because you'd rather have a wish-come-true than a busride,
tangled hair and flushed faces and the laughter of we, the generation in between.

life is

yours to live.

2007-10-19T13:37:00.000+08:00

You are a child of this universe.
You have every right to be alive.
-----

...But the canteen's for doing the can-can! What else is a canteen for? >/

...Today, I mastered the fine art of playing Taboo.

RJ, Serene, Yan and I headed to Swirl and gawsh did we have fu-uhn.

Cara: "Attack of the....?" (Ans: clones)
Yan: "...Aliens."

Cara: "Mr Eng is a...?" (Ans: teacher)
Yan: "Tyrant?"

Cara: "Okay, okay. So when you lose a tooth; you put it under your pillow for who to find?" (Ans: Tooth Fairy)
Yan: "...Oh, oh. Santa Claus!!!"

Cara: "*sings* You can stand under my...?" (Ans: Umbrella. [Like you had to ask!])
Yan: *confused look* "...Chair? Table?"

...I am a firm advocator of laughing to get abs.

Oh, and we got many strayunge variations of the last Taboo question, too.
I finally comprehend how guys' minds work.

Cara: "You can stand under my...?"
WQ: "Uhhh. Skirt?"

AND, not forgetting--

Cara: "Mr Ang, Mr Ang. Complete this sentence. You can stand under my...?"
Mr Ang: "Legs."
Class: O_O *gawps*

... Yeayuh, so.
Guys: EXPOSED.

I'm gonna get Eclipse today.
I'm not getting it for the Edward fix. (cos who needs a Cullen when you can have .?)
But I'm dyingggg to read Eclipse, and I cannot wait.
"Can I keep Jacob Black as a pet?"

Aaaahhh asdtiuyhgakjhgf I am so borrrrred.

2007-10-17T13:54:00.001+08:00

But poetry, beauty, romance, love-- We stay alive for these.
----

Yesterday was a blip.

Yesterday, I
1) was sick
2) watched telly
3) lounged around on Facebook . Which, by the way, is getting the very the boring. As much as Facebook's a useful networking tool and all, I ssssstill think it teeters on the primitive side. Just a little.
Specially Fighter's Club-- because really-- like we need another reason to fight each other?!
4) ran
5) read poetry
6) attempted to meditate; which worked for all of two-and-a-half minutes until the phone rang
7) lay in bed for an hour listening to Remy Zero
8) went outside and walked in the rain
9) got scolded for walking in the rain
10) got sicker

and that was about it.

...I've realized that I'm rather partial to Wordsworth. He writes a lot about fairies.
I like that guy. (:

Poe and Keats are definite tops on my list, too. I'm waiting to get better so's I can head to Borders and purchase my poetry fix.

My head feels like it's been filled with heelyum.

Okay time for more Febs.

(And we are hollow vessels in search of what makes us alive-
I never said this was my revolution when you looked me in the eye.
Oh, how I've walked this white line so many times before;
What a feeble attempt just to feel alive. )

2007-10-13T13:25:00.000+08:00

have faith in love, if nothing else.
----

LIBERO,

and we are free.

Yesterday was a truly awesommme day spent outside with my girls. <3

We managed to accumulate a heapload of whacked quotes- on my part, I swearrr I never meant any of mine literally. >/ They just CAME out that way- so sue me for being around whack-minded people who have tendencies to think the other way.

(Cara, intending to ask Ren Jean to hurry up and change)
Cara: Ren Jean, take off your clothes.
Ren Jean: O_O
Cara: *realizes* ...!

Kat: Do I look okay in this top? :/
Cara: I don't know. It might be a bit much, y'know, since your bust-to-waist ratio is, like, whoa.
Kat: ...
Cara: ... Omigosh that's not what I meant! That's not what I meant! Ew. Ew. I swear, Kat, I didn't mean--
Serene: ... I think I get what you mean. Yeah Kat, cos your bust-to-waist ratio is like, wow.
Cara and Kat: O_O
Serene: *facepalm*

Cara: *lifts the bottom of her top to inspect her dark jeans*
Qiu: ...Cara, let me see!

All: *walking by the Hyatt and talking about hotels*
Yan: Yeah, that would be so fun.
Ren Jean! Let's go get a hotel room.
All: ...O.O
Ren Jean: *runs and hides*
Yan: (blur, as always) ...What did I say?

Ren Jean: Mhm, so Cara'll go out in her boho getup and Serene'll go out in her gangsta clothes, and I'll just go out in my nothing.

We bought Little Miss tees, see, to match- and:
Little Miss Stubborn: Serene
Little Miss Naughty: Ren Jean
Little Miss Giggles: Kat
Little Miss Star: Me!
Little Miss Late: Yan
Little Miss Quick: Qiu

...Yeah, so it's cliched, but whatever. We just looked like six morons in matching shirts.
Absolutely nothing wrong with that! :D

(All emerge from washroom cubicles in new shirts. All exchange glances.)
Serene: I feel like an idiot.
Ren Jean: Haha then I'm a Naughty Idiot! And Kat's a Giggly Idiot! And Serene's a Stubborn Idiot!
Cara: Yeah yeah, and Yan's a Late Idiot, and Qiu's a Quick Idiot; and I'm a Star Idiot!! *beams*
All: ...*silence*
Cara: O_O Omigosh a star idiot I get it arrrrrghhhh!

We went to Subway for lunch, and when it came to me, I was all, "Oh, no pickles-onions-and-greenchilli-please."
And then the guy behind me in the queue with the goofy mohawk and chains turns to me and goes, "...Pickles are good for you."
And for a second, this revelation takes some time to register and I'm just all, like, what?, but then I regain my senses and laugh something incoherent about pickle poisoning, and then turn back to the making of my sandwich.
And then the guy goes, "...You'll have to eat pickles if you're gonna go to Australia."
Naturally, inside I'm all, "...but I'm NOT going to Australia, dude," but instead what comes out is, "So you're studying there?", and he goes, "Yeah, I just got back," and I just go, "...oh." because, really, what else could I say?

Luckily, by then my Subway has been wrapped and is ready to go, and I pick it up, grin, and go back to my table, awayyyy from Pickle Guy.

...Most of the shopping trip was spent trying to help Kat find a more subtle cropped jacket, and we made friends with the store attendant, and what ensued was some crazy girltalk.

Kat: ...But this is a normal one! I'm not even wearing a push-up!

...Too much information, hun. :P

Consequently, we camwhored outside for a little while longer- the third person in the queue helped us take photos in sepia, and then we moved down to the fifth person and she took our photos in colour.

We also established the Society Of The Failed Ballerinas- albeit all of us (three) wh o joined ballet classes when we were little and consequently quit/were kicked out/lost interest and moved on to more mature things, like colouring pages and lego.

...Kay. So then we headed off to iceskate, and I had lotsa fun teaching RJ how t'skate. She was so scared that I held her hand so tight that it almost bruised. Sorry, RJ.

Oh, and we made friends with this little girl! - and omigosh, she's been skating since she was two or three, and she's gonna be a professional ice skater.
Kinda makes me wish my parents had enrolled me in some crazy sport too, when I was little.
And then she challenged me to an iceskating race, and I'm all, "...Nuuuu."

The little old uncle at the rink liked the butterfly tattoo on my face. He even taught me how t'pose so's I'd look like a model. ...Don't we all just love little old people?

Later on, I was keeping my eyes open to see if I could spot Sherman when he was coming in. Turns out he was sitting at the benchers all along, watching. (:
Hurrah me for not wiping out and not looking lame.

Also, Little Miss Late (aka Yan) kept us waiting, and we were rushing to get out of Fuji Ice Palace before we had to pay overtime (and Ren Jean's ankles were already dying, so nobody really wanted to hang around to skate any longer);
and of courrrrsssseee Yan had to take an eternity just to put one shoe on,
and I looked up at the clock and went, "Omigosh we've got one minute left to get out!"

Everyone else gave a rational response- albeit screamed, finished doing up their shoelaces, grabbed their things, and jumped up.

All except for Yan; who was still putting on her FIRST shoe.

So I did the only thing I could: I shrieked, grabbed her other shoe, and ran out of Fuji Ice Palace.

...Needless to say, we didn't have to pay overtime. We made it just in time. Woohoo, go us.
(and yes, I did return the shoe to Yan after that. Sorry, Yan.)

Yesterday I realized that everything WILL be okay in the end,
that things that were meant to be will find a way to work out,
and that although people generally always leave;
some stay.
and even though promises are lies until they're seen through,
people do keep promises.
some people.
and when you find those people,
we highly recommend that you hold onto them and love them and never let them go.

2007-09-25T17:27:00.000+08:00

But sugar; I can see where your eyes have been.
----

Three legged races make me happy. <3

Haaaaaappy birthday to Janahhh.
Thank you for:
1) not complaining that one time I forgot to get you your lollies
2) always complaining about Shermana
3) picking up my use-the-room-floor-as-a-closet habit
4) showing all of us how to laugh a little more, and smile a little more.

...Did I mention I love kids' parties?

Julia and Maximoos. :D

Tammy and Allie.

My cousin the Ironkid. (...the one in orange, not with the ponytail.)

Innocence.
'Nuff said.

...After the three legged race, we had to play more games see.
'Cause Sherman and I were appointed teh Official Party Game Coordinators.
So naturally, I go, "...Okay everybody-- let's have a Dress-Up-Sherman competition!"
And Sherman goes: "O_O *doubletake* ....Whatt! No!"

But 'course- me being me, and all that;
we end up having one anyway.
And since I am a person of great justice and fairness, I even throw my own cousin into the deal; just so Sherman won't feel TOO outtuv place.

Oh, the niceness of me. :D

"...Omigosh Alex has boobs! O_O"

Alex: *looks down at formerly flat chest*
O_O!
...Nu-uuuuu! (!!!)
*then attempts to remove newspaper balls from torso area*
Mildred: *slaps hands away* Stop that! You're going to make them go out of shape!

And not forgetting the much-repeated line:

"...Cara. You are so dead."

... But hey, sweetheart; as if you'd have the heart to kill me. :D

Kids' parties are fun. :]

I think Imma crash one next time 'round.

----

p.s,

thank you for the teddy,

you're a real sweetheart. <3

2007-09-20T20:16:00.001+08:00

Beauty is truth's smile when she beholds her own face in a perfect mirror.
----

Ohhhh, I love that post.

Also; my tagboard's dead and dying.
I can only deduce that all the late-night/early-morning EMT mugging sprees have killed everyone off.

Nuuuu, come back! I can't afford flowers for EVERYONE.

I can't wait till EMTs're finally over.
I don't particularly like the fact that this year's coming to an end...but so do all things. Time waits for no man, after all...and judging from all the times that my three alarm clocks've let me down (and it wasn't like I only set one of them-- I set all three!), I reckon Time likes Cara not, and therefore waits not for Cara, too.

Ren Jean, Yan, Kat and I want to learn telekinesis.
And yeah, I do believe that the subconscious mind IS powerful;
and I spent the entire last part of MI trying to pull out one of the school buttons off the shoulderpad of the uniform of the guy sitting in front of me by telekinesis.
Needless to say, it didn't work.
...He did reach over and scratch his shoulder that one time, though.

That counts!

Today, for some reason, Ren Jean and I (okay, mostly Ren Jean. I swear I have no idea how I got involved) about torsos. :/ I think it had something to do with wondering why Jeremy Sumpter was so flat-chested in Peter Pan, even though (according to Ren Jean) he's twenty-something; and y'know, by when you'd expect most guys to actually have a chest, or some semblance of it.

Ren Jean: Muscular boobs.
Cara: Musoobs. (pronounced "muh-soobs", if you must know)
Ren Jean: ...Moobs.
Cara: Mu-boobs.
Ren Jean: 0_0
Cara: 0_0 HAHAHA mu-boobs! Like, "Hey, these are mu-boobs!"
*cracks up*

Today we had class phototaking, too; and during the candid shot, Ren Jean and I wanted to carry Lynna, but the photographer was all, "No, no, don't do that, I can see her red pants,"; to which Lynna yelled back, "No, they're orange!!".

So in the end Ren Jean and I decided to be two gangstas holding Lynna captive and doing the whole fingergun thang; and Mdm Woon put her arms on my shoulder and posed as my girlfriend.

Haha we roll deep yo. :]

...Apparently I look like a lawyer.

I don't WANT to be a lawyer, though. Or a doctor.

I mean, I suppose I don't mind, and all. I might even learn to love it, after a while, just so long as I close my eyes and try really really hard.

But really, all I want to do is live somewhere where I can have woodland glades in my backyard, with the lilting laugh of a river stream somewhere in the distance;
and glorious evenings, when the sun filters through the overhanging canopy of leaves and sends jewels scattering across the forest floor like some diamond-strewn dancefloor,
and beautiful, beautiful twilights; like a scene captured and perfectly replicated from Imladris.

And there I will live, and laugh, and love,
and every evening I will venture outside and collect starlight in a woven basket,
and talk to trees, and maybe they will show me that maybe I don't have two left feet because dryads kind of have roots, but STILL; golly can those girls dance-

and I shall frequent shady places near streams and under trees and even atop t hem, and there I shall write about whatever strikes my fancy,

and so I shall live;
isolated, not particularly wealthy, not particularly rich in social connections or credit cards and without the experience that the working world gives,

but so I shall live happy.

...And that is what I want to do with my life.

Thank you, twenty-first century society, for taking it all away.

Ohwell.
I'll blog more, when zeh inzpiratzion strikes again.

<3

2007-09-12T20:24:00.001+08:00

"This is your life;
Give it a happy ending."
-Boy Meets World
-----

...I've realized that I haven't been writing in my diary.

Thing is- I've had so much happening to me lately; there just hasn't been time to record it all down, because I'm too busy out there having things happen to me to write about things happening to me, if you get my drift.

But yeah. I'll take the highs with the lows.

...I didn't fall asleep in ANY class today! (!!!)
I mean, seriously.
And yesterday, too.

I am sooooo proud of myself. :D

I want my own Venezia, by the way. Major hint-dropping here, 'cause I'll be sweet sixteen in four months, yay!

I want my own Venezia and I won't give my gelato strange names like "Tartufo" or "Yoggi"; 'cause how're people supposed to guess how their order's gunna taste like, if they can't even pronounce its name properly?

...Ren Jean and I are making plans to stage our very own Disney Channel NotsoOriginal Movie: High School Musical 3; featuring songs like "Flabelos", reprised by (who else?) Sharpay Evans.
We're in the process of tidying up the lyrics. :]

["My point is that you have to think for yourself.
If your parents told you that chocolate was dangerous, would you take their word for it?"
- Thank You For Not Smoking.]

I'll blog back when I actually have SOMETHING to say.

I found the house of my dreams (kinduv) today, though.
Bramble roses and beautiful gates and burnished, gently swinging lamps and panes of stained glass in dusky light.

... I'm beginning to think maybe fairytales do exist, after all.

<3

2007-09-05T12:27:00.001+08:00

So colour the coast with your smile;
It's the most genuine thing I've ever seen.
----

ASEAN NIGHT 2007- EQUINOX.

They say pictures say a thousand words; so this is gonna be a pretty
long blogpost.

Last night was neat.

Black and gold and dark kohl, fairy wand makeup brushes and pixie dust;
sneakers on sale, walking around Tangs in full regalia and attracting stares.

Maxine and I make a shopping date, and make ourselves special ASEAN
alibis- which we never use. We're Indonesian-Irish, the two of us; and
we hail from far far faaar away.

Also, we can speak neither Indonesian nor Irish.

...A familiar face waiting outside the Marriott- old school (!); grey
tie, pin-striped shirt, same rakish grin.

"Hey, you're early--" ;

and upstairs, a throng of ruffles and lace and silk and black (but
mostly black),
and an impish face and a poodlesque purple ribbon,

strange music;
and like mothers and daddies at their children's first recital; Maxy
and Sherman and I position ourselves at the frontline, cameras at
attention, and wait for our little girl to get onstage. <3
(which she does, eventually- and eggstremely well, I might add!)

And then soon, the real dancing begins;
and Maxy Lynna Ting and I weave our way into the gyrating crowd, with Sherman in tow; and we dance, and I use and reuse my limited dance move repertoire, until the blinding flashes of pulsating white light get unbearably surreal and I feel almost like I'm on some kind of strange, scary high.

Later on, I get thirsty- so the scene shifts to
mushroom pizza at cafes, synthetic stars in steel-framed webs,
and escaping from the world by just moving a few steps down from groundlevel,

while near us; some old street singer/uncle/person croons his own version of "Leaving On A Jetplane"--
[ "...I'm leeeeaving on an MRT;
somethingsomethingaboutchappati..."]

and I burst out laughing right where I am.

Subsequently, we make our way back,
and Sherman and I resolve to ask someone we've never met before to dance;

so we decide that I'll ask a little Indian guy standing in the corner,
and I do,
and it's his first time dancing so I can keep up pretty okay;
and he spells out his name but I forget it anyway-
but I do remember the grin on his face.
And that makes me happy.

And as we part ways, I tell him to "be brave; and don't be afraid to ask people to dance, 'cause it's highly improbable that they'll say no, if you ask nicely."

Before the dance ends, we all head off to Gelatissimo-- which, by the way, sells the best gelato ever.
No, no kidding- it was THE bomb.
Yeah, my girls and the boy-- we're pretty illegal. <3

City skies when seen through trees are pretty, and Orchard Road could be a boulevard of broken(?) dreams;
and so I fling up my arms and spin around and around

and people around are staring,
but he's laughing (with me, not at);

and in that moment

I

feel

infinite.

2007-09-03T14:02:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry-I don't read Aborigine.

I mean- they do stock dictionaries in the library, you know.
And if those're too much trouble, I'm pretty sure they've got Peter And Jane in there too.

Look, I'm not your servant.

So do me a favour; and go pull your bottom lip over your head and swallow.

2007-08-29T20:40:00.000+08:00

It's crazy, I'm thinking--
Just knowing that the world is round,
and here I am dancing on the ground.
am I right side up or upside down,
and is this real or am I dreaming?
-----

Today has passed nicely.

Class went okay. I jumped on Ren Jean a lot, in a vain attempt to make her grow shorter. But then again she started jumping on me too and then she stole my IH notes. >:[
And then she tried to run away.
Muahaha, Ren Jean-- you can run; but you can never ~~hide~~ outrun me!

Ego meister, I know.

Track training was funnnnnn.
I mean, I used to hate running like O(*@#987243 but now it's actually pretty fun.
Ask me again next year and I might tell you otherwise, but for now s'cool.
And then we played captain's ball, only with rugby balls, which're friggin' hard to catch 'cause they bounce around like whoaaaa and then again, I think I only touched the ball (briefly) thrice during the entire duration of the game, because the guys are waaay pro and basically I spent almost the whole game watching the ball fly over my 1.6m-above-groundlevel head.

Which was still fun, 'cause it beats live soccer on telly anytime; plus I still beat Yan and QL, 'cause I touched the ball thrice or four times and I think they only touched it twice.

After training, I went over to Cold Storage at Guthrie Place 'cause my little sister wanted me to get her lollipops.
The whole place is under renovation and now it's lost that golden vibe. It looks all fugly now. :/ Don't like it.
Got the lollipops, yogurt, etc and then walked back home...and on the way I had to bypass this guy.

I don't remember what he looked like; I only remember he was kinduv dark and was wearing white pants. (I didn't pay much attention 'cause I was in the midst of realizing- shockhorror- that I had bought the wrong kind of soda and I was gazing despairingly at the Pepsi label.) and then he looked me up and down as I passed him; and he was all,

"Hi, sorry, sweetheart."

and I'm like o_O.

Youuuu don't have the right to call me sweetheart, mister.

Go 'way, eeeevil sidewalk pervs.

Yeah and then on my way home I had to walk past the place where the 6th Ave car crash happened.
And it just felt weird.
I mean- there was the tree, for one- all burnt and charred on one side, and the wreaths and flowers and notes and burnt out candles laid around it.
And it just felt odd; knowing I was walking over the place a car crashed and burned and two boys died.
It kinduv felt like I was walking over someone's grave...yeah, almost literally.

But on a lighter note.

ASEAN Dance is on Tuesdayyyyy. <3
And I will fully make a fool outtuv myself during the hiphop bit 'cuz I doubt my fundamental three dance moves will be enough to get me through two hours of gyrating, heeeeelp.

Ah, but whatever.
At the most, I'll just go over and hang out by the Sprite table. :D
Lots of cool people hang out by the Sprite table! *toothy grin*

Or then again, I could just dance.
I mean-- the lights'll be low, plus it's not like I'm ever gonna see any of those people again.
Soooo.

... Qiu loves my everythinggggggg.

I feel so wanted. <3

2007-08-23T14:27:00.000+08:00

Write this down,
Remember every word--
You're not the things they told you way back then
You're so much more than ideas in your head so bury them
And keep them so they can return when you're alone
And so that you can fight them in the end.
----

Hello, darlings, and welcome back.

Hectic, much-- my life has been a fastpacedhecticdraggingtorturous thing, racing past and slipping through the loophole between the minute hand and the hour hand and sifting and swirling and vanishing down the sink;

where it will flow to some idyllic little old New England village and fall into the breakfast mug of some barley farmer as he sits and talks with old friends over wheat cereal and hot rye bread and fruit fresh from his orchard,

which is why time always goes so slow over there-- all my time's going to them, and it's not fair.

...Things back on my side, though, have been-- for want of a better word-- strange.

And I'm not sure how eggsactly I feel about it.

(because the door's always shut and stuttering
and always silent when you're lonely
But when they come; they come and come again
and they won't leave you alone, Lee.)

[So I loved you for your courage, and your gentle sense of shame
And I loved you for your laughter and your language and your name
And I knew it was impossible, but I loved you just the same
Though the only love I gave to you was hard love.]

I got an email from Roy today-- which was unexpected; but whatever, mails're always cool.
(which sounds funny when you read it out, but whatev.)
Apparently he's in some nautically-sounding school and he realizes that rowing IS indeed very hard work and he's got dolphins on his walls.

People have been dreaming about me.

...I'm rad!

Maybe that's why I haven't been able to remember my dreams lately-- 'cause my dream self has been too busy floating around in other people's little subconscious/dream worlds to actually pay attention to my own dreams.

ANYWAYYYY. I digress.

The week's going to be over and it's going to be a girls' day out with Maxy and Ting again---

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DARLING! <3--

and I'm kinduv really looking forward to getting high again--

the real kind of high;

the kind that leaves you bent double and her draped over the clothesracks
and it's so overwhelming that it's a good half-a-minute before you regain your breath--

that kind of high

and no, I'm not talking drugs;
I'm talking laughter and best friends and c-c-c-camera flashes in the backseats of silver cabs,
and frosted strawberries in golden cafes and the sidewalk silhouettes of girls in love with life.

Hey, look out;

here we come.

...peace. <3

2007-08-16T18:37:00.000+08:00

here's to fireworks and fireflies
and sharing looks and making eyes
the kind that lead to laughs and sighs
when spread across a summer sky
...what's so wrong with singalongs to melodies from july songs?
-----

Tomorrow's Fridayyyyyeeeee.

And ack, I'm going dah-own with that E Maths test, how sad, and I was planning to be around for my sixteenth birthday.

But whatever-- after that it'll be soap-flowers and teaspoons and good company;

(and in the glow of the evening we will dazzle--)

...These few days have been inordinately uppy-downsy.

Ren Jean thinks the German guy in school's cute. She should so have made her move today-- he was walking in front of us with some IP2 senior, and he kept turning around to glance in the general direction of our group.

Kat: "...Ren Jean! Fifty years from now you're gonna regret not going up to him..."

Fifty years from now, we'll be sixty-four.
And old, and wrinkled, and veryverymuch mellowed,
and possibly dead,

if we die young and pretty forty years before that.

Touchwood is such a cliched expression, but I'm gonna havta use it anyways because (being the nice person that I am) I don't want to jinx people.

So touchwood.

I want to go out and be happy and carefree and take lots of pictures with pretty golden tones and laugh and love and live.

"...I'm here if you need anything."
"-- I need a painkiller and I need a hug but you can't give either to me right now."

Friends don't let friends talk to friends when friends're having math tests the next day.

Track training was fun.
I think Plato's morbid and his cave theory makes me feel funny.
Mrs Marianne Tan has taken to calling me Spearmint 'coz of my Wrigley's hairclip; and people keep randomly coming up behind me and giving me a shock by suddenly prodding my hairclip to see if it's a real stick of gum.

...I mean-- at least give me some sort of warning-- it's a horrible feeling to suddenly feel hands on the back of your head;
you people're shaving bits of my life off, three seconds at a time. >:[

Ahhh Friday, you're just a day away--

please be nice to me,

please,

please.

2007-08-12T16:53:00.000+08:00

She said to herself,
"Be happy, take chances, and be carefree.
Because the only person you need to impress-- is me."
----

TWO-IN-ONE POST.

Okay, so let's backtrackwindback to before I left Singapore.

...Ashwyn Arnesh Samson, I know what you saw.
And it's not what you think it is. (...I SAW the look on your face-- so HA!)

So things are, generally, puhretty weird around my area. :/

I like coffee, though. And hugs. And walking on the OUTSIDE of the curb; not inside, where ladies are- apparently- supposed to walk because it's safer, etcetraetcetra.

Festival of Praise was great-- I went with Max, Ting, and Sherman.
Don Moen was okay, I 'ppose...more for the 'rents than for anyone else... but Delirious was awesome.
I kid you not.

They were so awesome that after some time, I felt so not-okay that I had to sit down and cover half of my face with my red pashmina and just sit there, listening, learning, leaving (behind).

I got sleepy during the sermon. (...as expected. It's awful-- the way the words "...and the sermon for today is..." can put me to sleep just like that.
I've been working on it, though.
I didn't fall asleep last Sunday--- AND I actually enjoyed myself-- so take THAT.

Ting and Max both complained that they both look awful in the pictures and I only like the pictures because I actually turn out looking good, yaddayadda.

...Girls. [/sighs heavily]

On the contrary. I think the both of them looked beeyootiful that day. [:
And I am so NOT the oddball. S'not fayyyyreee-- ALL THREE of them ganged up on me at Pastamania.
"...Cara's always the oddball!!!"

...Nobody ever takes my side.
Ever!

And even when they do (like Sherman did, after I shot him The Death Glare)-- they never mean it, so it doesn't count.

...I am mizzunderstood. :[

Ah well. Chiangmai was really cool.
Yeah, I suppose it's pretty and all like people say...but I wouldn't know. I only ever actually saw the insides of malls and the gym.
Still, those were pretty pretty as well, I guess...:/ and the shopping was killer. :]
The gym was fantastic, too. Awesome stuff. At the end of the five days, I'd developed a strange affinity for the treadmill with the little teevee screen on it.

Pictures next time.

<3

2007-08-01T22:42:00.001+08:00

And we all look like we feel.
------------

This is wrong, so wrong;

Wednesdays were supposed to be good days, with Mondays and Thursdays as the scapegoats.

Not that my day was a complete sucker- no,

It's just been highly charged under a calmer shade of grey and I'm not quite sure if I want to let myself feel it.

...The daytrip to Holland V made me feel better, though.
Ting and I curled up in the plush chairs at Starbucks and had warm muffins over swell conversation; and we both think it's gorgeous the way some places seem to be perfect in their own little, warm little, stellar little shells;

(secret #54: she wants to own a jewellery shop there,
I aspire to own the bohemian elf one.)

...Something has been changing people; and I'm not quite sure if I like it all that much.

(so take the photographs, and still frames in your mind,
hang it on a shelf in good health and good time.
tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial,
for what it's worth, it was worth all the while.)

(...or so I pray.)

2007-07-29T17:42:00.001+08:00

We watch the season
Pull up its own stakes
And catch the last weekend of the last week
Before the gold and the glimmer have been replaced;
Another sun soaked season fades away
-----

Yesterday was brilliant.

Much, much, much love to Max and Ting-- you two are the best; and I have absolutely no idea what I'd do without you.

Yeah, so.

Maxy and Ting came over, and then we all gussied up (I did the least gussying up, though. Yay go me.) and Ting must've tried on four different outfits-- at least.
I kid you not.

And with each new outfit, the conversation would aaaalways go something along the lines of:

Ting: ...Do I look fat in this? :/
Cara: No.
Maxy: No.
Ting: Are you sure?! *pinches imaginary spare tyre* No-o, I look so fat in this! (!!!)
Cara: *raises eyes towards ceiling*
Maxy: Oh God help us.

And then we (finally) headed over to Holland V-- which, we all have agreed, is one of the sweetest places ever. Everything's just so warm and mellow and golden there.
I like going to Holland V.

We got ourselves cushy seats in Starbucks, and then we had fraps and muffins and shared Oreo cheescake (Hey. Everything in moderation, right?), and then talked and laughed until it was time to go.

After which we got a taxi (I wanted the pretty silver one, but some nasty lady snatched it before we could get to it; and then there was only the not-so-nice-looking green one left- which I didn't want- but luckily somebody snatched that before we could reluctantly go in; so we ended up taking a black cab.)

(I like black cabs.)

and when we got there, it was kinduv creepy.
I mean- we couldn't see anyone. And everything was just quiet and tranquil and verrrrry un-dinneranddance-esque.

What ensued was really stupid- Sherman waiting for us just a flight of steps away, and us waiting impatiently for him just a flight of steps down; and neither party realizing that the other party was a few feet away, waiting.

Which was dumb.

Anyway. We eventually (finally, after long last!) found our way into the party...and yeah, MaxTing took some time to warm up to Sherman, but after that ahverything was puhretty cool.

Maxy and Ting had one too many mocktails and wound up getting really high on me. :/

...Which was...weird.

I felt like the only sane person, between the three of them-- and that's saying a whole lot.

(Usually, it'd be all, "Cara, you're so weeeeeyrd!", or "Cara, why're you so odd?!" or something along those eggstremely sensitive lines. Last night was a nice change. Nice to feel normal once in a while. I should get out more often.)

(I thought this picture was pretty neat.
Like, woohoo. Aura.
When we saw it, we were all, "...Whoaaa we've died and gone to Heaven!" , and I still think it's kinduv sortuv reaaaally unfair that he's got such a bright aura. :/
Ah well. Next time will have to do.)

I've got more pics (some of which I shall steal from Maxy)-- and when I get them, I'll upload them again.

So yeah.

We danced and laughed and got high,
and made memories and twenty years down the road, we'll look back and say

it was a perfect shade of dark blue.

<3

2007-07-24T18:29:00.000+08:00

Because we all look like we feel,
We feel,
We feel,
We feel.(?)
-----

Love me, much?! The quality kinduv sucks at some parts- but it's still funny.
...In my humble opinion it is, anyway.

I've regressed into the whole Disney thing again, thanks to a certain somebody.
(Who, for the sake of anonymity and confidentiality, shall not be named.
At least not here.
For now.)

Today I watched Pocahontas II with my little brother.
And then I spent my time doing homework and listening to all the Disney songs I mooshed into my iPod. <3

Disney + life = Magic!

Lots of it!

2007-07-19T21:46:00.000+08:00

And yeah, we're out to change this world
with words like love and freedom.
----

...Cara is supremely terrifically terribly deluxefully fall-asleep-on-your-feet kind of tired.

Yesterday all the pretty colours were spinning, in the LT; and people's voices were like whooooyahhh and I felt like I was in some sort of weird artsy film, y'know, the kind where they warp the background and people's voices start whirling around and around and ooh, see the dancing mushrooms.

Training's been draining. Ooh look it even rhymes, go me.
I've been running (...rowing. Whatev.) on black coffee and the adrenaline of the various trainings (morning, afternoon) we've been having... and gosh am I zonked. The road to school today was a struggle, and I've never had that before. I was half afraid I'd fall unconscious right in front of the hostel road or something, and then get run over by some caterer making his daily rounds to deliver brekkie for the hostel people.
And it's weird, these few days I've been getting these moments when everything just goes whoaaa and through the haze I can hear myself wondering, "What'll happen if I just fall here?".

(Probably get trampled on and run over by throngs of eager NJCians thundering to the canteen.)
(Or get stepped on and bruised by people running to Bytz for whatever reason.)

But on the plus side; I know someone who can make me laugh.

So that's good.

I'd die without laughter, and music, and Jack's Mannequin.

I'm tired, ohsotired.

Yeah, but what's new, right?

Tomorrow: Morning training, swimming PE, lessons, Death Valley campout
Saturday: National Canoeing Championships
Sunday: National Canoeing Championships (Part 2, presumably. I hope there's no "To be continued".)

Who's that dudette who sang, "I Will Survive?"

...S'cool.

But since I lack (sadly) her powerhouse vocals and glittery sequin things and oh, publicity, I won't make a scene.

I'll live, s'all.

Yeah, we all will.

<3

2007-07-15T16:02:00.000+08:00

Sad, or so it seems; but I can't breathe.
Are you real?
Are you real?
-----

...I'll keep a part of you in the corner of my smile.

Love,
me.

2007-07-15T15:59:00.000+08:00

For what it's worth,
I always believed in you.
-----

Nationals.

White-hot pain, a symphony of friction and static and a deadly resistance,
pull, pull, pull away; and we're leading by two boatlengths.

"Come on."
"Come on."
"Come on."

and so the sky opened toothless jaws and smiled,
and with the death of pain we waved a Victory flag.

"We did it. I'm proud of you."
A warm hug, a tight hug, a we-did-it-together, never-letting-go kind of hug; the kind that seems to go on forever without getting too hot, too tiresome, or too squishy.

Light footsteps up the slope.

Vulnerable eyes.

"How did we do?"

A thunderclap,
a tear, then another,
then I see myself in the distance-
a smudge of red and dusty white crumpling to the ground
like yesterday's tissue paper,
only in far more pain.

Oh, far more pain.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

The dam breaks when I see her face,
and for the first time I realize how truly inadequate apologies can be

and I cradle my head in my hands, on the gravel floor,
and through my tears I search for a rewind button.

----

... I brought back something more than a medal.

I brought back a lesson, and a grudge.

I am what I am, and I cannot change that. I have to live with my mistakes, and whatever happens in my years, will be for a reason, whether it to be to learn or to teach.

B Div team-- Team NJ-- I'm proud of all of you.

Something's gotta give eventually, and ten bucks says that that something's gunna be the face of failure.

2007-07-11T16:23:00.000+08:00

Until you're broken, you won't know what you're made of.
------

...Finals come tomorrow.

Okay, we did it once for heats.

It was terrifying, it was electrifying...but we did it.

(yeah, and I've the video for proof. Eat our backwash, yo!)

It was scary 'cuz at one point, I heard one of the rowers in one of the boats behind us scream, "C'mon, c'mon- don't you want to beat the NJ rowers?".

Naturally, that only spurred me on more; and Gill and I pulled our way to the finish line, huzzah.

And so it is.

And so finals come tomorrow, hello I hope I don't die.

... I don't really care about the placings any longer. Yeah sure, medals would be great.
But my race plan is just to pull as hard as I can, to keep breathing, to keep looking up, to keep holding on for everything I've been believing in; to cross that finishing line as one boat.

And come what may, honey.

[/EDIT]

I am contemplating a new hairstyle.

Would Cara still be Cara without teh Cara fringe, I wonder.

I am also contemplating manymanymany things, but for now I'll put them aside.

The only thing worth contemplating right now is how to make sure the other boats eat backwash.

2007-07-01T19:41:00.000+08:00

Because we are what we are,
And sometimes that's just not enough.
-----

Okay I don't have much to blog about.

I don't have ANYTHING to blog about, in fact, because ten dollars says that your idea of a good evening isn't spending it reading some long emotional ramble about rowing and pain and the strange tangle's my life has been winding itself into lately.

Plus, nearly the whole population's up and gone to Outward Bound Land; so I'm guessing for this week, my blog'll probably get...oh, I dunno... a grand total of 3 hits?

...And two of them would probably be me, checking in to reread my prettiful posts.

But hey, s'okay. I don't write for the public eye anyway.
If I get tags, it's cool. And if I don't- yeah, that's fine by me.

I write what I want, and I write what I feel, and I don't have any qualms about it.
And if you happen to read what I write, and if you're inspired or motivated by it; or if it shows you the stars on a rainy day- then hey. I'm satisfied.

Anyway.

Today was...busy tiring exhausting, you name it.

It was funny during lunch, though; when the canoeists bought in packet lunches for everybody.

So yeah, Jared rushes over into the smoosh of hungry canoeists, delves in, and gets himself a packet of food.
And then he goes back (contentedly) to his place, and sits down.
Yeah, and then he opens it.
And sees this gigantic wad of beansprouts staring him in the eye.
And then he lets out with this terrified yelp (it was bordering on a shriek, actually; but to give him face, I shall just say it was a yelp anyway), jumps out of his seat, and makes a superhuman leap across a whole mound of bags to change his packet with someone else's.

...Ah, the Evilness of Bean Sprouts.

Ah, what hungry canoeists are capable of doing.

Anyway. Moving on.
Here's to space-fillers. ...Even better, here's to significant space-fillers.
Which I highly specialize in because, of course, I am a naturally awesome person and stuff. <3

--------

And there's this occasional night when you break down and cry,
because you know things will never be the same.

Time stands still when no one understands you,
and you don't even quite understand yourself.
Today didn't have to be this way, but tomorrow is another day.
Tomorrow is another chance to make things right.

Nobody will ever save you,
if nobody can ever find you.

There are good nights, and there are hard rides.
There are a million things to think about when you give up getting high.
Limited sight came back to tired eyes, and we watched the city lights fight brightly with their will to stay alive.
Everything is gonna be alright.

We are all in the gutter,
but some of us are looking at the stars.

"If you just hold on, just find the courage to face another day,
someone or something will find you and make it all okay.
Because we need a little help sometimes-
someone who will helps us hear the music in their world to remind us that it won't always be this way."
-One Tree Hill

Do what makes you happy.
Be with who makes you smile.
Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live.

---

... More coming up soon, I promise.
Oh, and I found this, and it made me laugh.

"Mortals are weak and frail.
If their stomach speaks, they forget their brains.
If their brain speaks, they forget their hearts.
And if their hearts speak, hahaha, if their hearts speak, they forget everything!"

Love that.

Yeah Self, get ready for another week;
It's fine, it'll be fine, it always is.
The pain? ...It'll pass. It never seems like it will, when Life puts you right smackdab in the middle off all that chaos,
but you'll pull through, yeah you will, even when it feels impossible and you'd give anything for your lungs to give out.

You'll make it through.
You always do.

So buckle up and give 'em hell.

(and that- m'dears- applies to all of you.)

(Yeah you. I love you.}

(...So deal.)

2007-06-29T22:55:00.001+08:00

Faith isn't faith until it's all you're holding onto.
----

Exams are O-V-E-R. (yeah, spell that.)

And I had a surprisingly good training today. Glide, power, balance... I thought I'd be way off kilter, after four days, but it wasn't as bad as I reckoned it might be.
Naturally, that also means it's not as good as it could be. (when is it, ever?)
So yeah, it's all systems go, go, go-- ten days of intensive training, and then it's The Day, rolling around, and we'd better be ready to rock and roll and row, too.

Oh yeah and today was weird.
Like, at morning training- all the guy canoeists have hair.
So s'all normal yeah?

Yeah so then. Water training rolls around, and I see these shorn headed people running up the hill, and I'm all, "Who's that?", and it turns out that a bunch of canoeist guys had a mass shave in the toilet. (:

...Why, I have no idea, and I haven't asked.

But I thought it was pretty amusing.

I've got to get used to seeing 'em without their hair, though... :/

Aiman doesn't look like a lion no more.

Okay now I'm getting hassled to go off.

...Finnneeee.

Hey, loves.

You're beautiful when you smile.

2007-06-25T17:46:00.000+08:00

Class dismissed.
Homework for today: to experiment the body's intake of poisonous cleansing chemicals.
A golden star for the ones sent to the E.R.
---------

Talk about Monday blues!

I fully have a case to file against whoever runs Mondays around here.

Today's Physics exam started at 8.15 am, and I was intending to wake up a little earlier to go through my file for the gazillionth time.

Yeah, and I wake up and look at the alarm clock, and it's 8.11, and in my state of groggy feverish stupor, I'm all, "No, that can't be, it's probably 8.11 at night, I can sleep for- oh, ten hours more,"

(in aforementioned state of groggy stupor, I also forgot that nobody in the whole wide world sleeps before 8.11 pm anyway.)

and then my eyes snap open, and I'm all, "AH! 8.11! Omigosh no, no, nuuu..."

and I wake my parents up, and my dad hurtles me to school like some F1 driver ( I so owe him!) and in my rush I realize that I've forgotten to check where the exam venue is, so I sprint from LT to LT opening doors and seeing J1 canoeists, caught mid-sentence with pen in hand, glancing up curiously at me (what, y'mean IP kids are taking the same exams as us now?) and shutting doors and opening doors and shutting doors and wringing my hands and generally making a fool out of myself; before realizing that the exam's probably being held in class, after which I fly to class and collapse into my seat, get my paper, and start scribbling to make up for the lost fifteen minutes.

...Grah, talk about getting out on the wrong side of bed. :/

Or in this case- getting out on the right side of bed; very late.

Some people sleeptalk and sleepwalk.
Yeah, well. Apparently I sleep-turnoffmyalarmclockwhenitrings.

At least now I know.

And my mum thought I needed more alarm clocks, so today she went and bought another one; and when she got back home she realized I already had two more in my room- so now I've got four alarm clocks in my room. Though rightfully, only two of them are working- since the other two died in noble and gallant action waking me up for training every morning this June hols.

...Oh, and I almost forgot.
Pre-exam stress seems to have gotten to everybody.
Oh my.

Ren Jean: "...I met a waiter...in Turkey..."
Cara: *snicker*
Ren Jean: " ...And I met a potter...in Chile..."

Maxine: "...Maybe we should all drink Red Bull before exams. :/"
Melissa: " o_O Red boobs? Drink red boobs before exams?"

Serene: *splashes water on herself, presumably to cool herself down* (...yes Serene, we all know you're hot. ;D)
Random person: "What're you doing?"
Serene: *explains* "...I had an urge."
Kat: *chirps* "...Serene had an urge, so she wet herself."
Serene: O_O
All: O_O

Ren Jean: " The guys there are either really good-looking, or really ugly."
Kat: "...I think Thais are good-looking."
Cara: "O_O Thighs? You think thighs are good-looking?"
Kat: "Yeah, why not? Thais are pretty good-looking what."
Cara: ...O_O.

HAHAHA.

Keep it up, people.

At this rate, we'll be hitting the loony bin by our sixteenth birthdays.

2007-06-18T20:36:00.001+08:00

Please sleep, my darling, sleep
Your cry for inspiration
never reaches ears on distant stars
and every night our lonely planet
slides across the universe
And I won't pretend I understand
-------

Yeah, sleep.

Like that could solve all of our problems.

But I don't know; I think I'm beginning to get the hang of living.

God knows, I kinduv really hate it at times, and sometimes on impulse I wish it would just shut up and go away and leave me alone; but in a sense I'm glad that wishes don't always come true, because on second thoughts, Six Feet Under wouldn't be the most fun place to be on Earth, either.

Still, I kinduv sortuv miss life as I knew it, too.

I've changed, so much, and I think if I were to meet the me from a few years back; I probably wouldn't think much of her.
And I reckon the yester-me wouldn't like me all that much, either.

The yester-me wouldn't have done a lot of things I've done, either.

1. The yester-me wouldn't have known what eyeliner was. Is. Whatever.
2. The yester-me wouldn't even have attempted to tint my hair brown with henna; and consequently been extremely annoyed when aforementioned henna did nothing but turn hair a darker shade of...black.
3. The yester-me wouldn't have joined canoeing. Um, let alone NJC canoeing.
4. The yester-me pinned her fringe up. Waaaaaay up. With, like, a hairband, and stuff.
(Also, the yester-me never received any threats to have her fringe lobbed off.)
5. The yester-me wouldn't have gone around revealing weird bits of her yester-self on her blog. She'd probably have been oblivious, or whatever.

Yeah, and did I mention?
The yester-me so would have absolutely nothing to do with any semblance of sporting activities. I bet my 1.6 km timing back then was like two times my current 2.4 km timing. (okay, prone to exaggeration. Take with a pinch of salt, please; give me some credit, I wasn't THAT bad.)
Oh yeah, and what pain threshold?

The Now Me... is weird, yeah, and she's got her hang-ups, (like everyone else);

but now she's learnt the art of hanging tight and moving on.

She knows what pain feels like- real pain;
excruciating, blinding, white-hot pain,
the kind that catches your breath and forces it back down into your lungs when you're gasping for air, grasping for hope, and groping for something- anything- to pull you through.

She's learnt what it means to hurt,
so bad it's all you can do just to curl over and hold your sides and breathe,
She's learnt how to breathe,
She's learnt how to battle through the hurt one breath at a time;

She's realized how broken our generation is; how broken we all are--
(look at all the lonely people), and
she's discovered that all of us hurt, but are still capable of being beautiful.

She's learnt that friends might always be there for you, yeah, but even they fall too;
and sometimes it's all you can do just to stay upright and mobile when everyone else is falling all around you.

She's learning how to live.

And yeah, it's not easy, for something so simple-sounding; but she'll get there.

Yeah, the Now Me could probably lay the yester-me flat on her back;

and who knows?

The Now Me could probably teach the yester-me a thing or two.

2007-06-11T20:14:00.000+08:00

Am I alive?
----

"Am I alive?"
And I shudder, and I shake,
And I get the hang of breathing as
(In, out) we tango into this maelstrom of white heat

And we're fighting to come out alive,
Yeah, it's a race to see who survives.

I miss my bestie already.
I miss her so bad, even though I know that she's probably still at the airport right now (soy latte, Starbucks <3), and while it's a weird connection, the feeling that she's still here; I don't know how I'm going to be able to make it through eleven days without being able to talk to my soul sister.

I miss how we used to laugh for the sake of laughing; to hell to those who stared, who cared? ...We didn't.

Now it seems we laugh just to fill up the silence,
and the smiles we share? - temporary, fade in, fade out;
and tomorrow they'll be gone again; tomorrow we'll have to find a new face again.

I miss feeling alive.

Oh God, I miss feeling alive.

-----

Quotes, for all of you who're losing faith, and are hanging on desperately, wondering if maybe the bleak horizon will bring---

'Cause our days were numbered by nights on too many rooftops.
They said we're wasting our lives,
Oh at least we know, that if we die-
We lived with passion.
They said we'd burn so bright.

And some days make me feel weak and shaky.
Some fly right by me like a paper airplane,
and I hardly notice that the world's gone crazy but nothing's clearer than the way you say my name.

August evenings bring solemn warnings
To remember to kiss the ones you love goodnight.

You can't explain why you're feeling alone
Falling asleep to a dial tone
You dream about the trouble you're in
Then you pray that something fits.

Maybe you're just jaded;
from some nobody's unforgotten words.
Maybe you're just faded;
a little grey from every time that you've been hurt

You pile up enough tomorrows,
and you'll find you are left with nothing but a lot of empty yesterdays.
I don't know about you, but I'd like to make today worth remembering.
-- Harold Hill, the Music Man

If there's one piece of advice I can give you, It's this.
When there's something you really want, fight for it.
Don't give up no
matter how hopeless it seems.
And when you've lost all hope, ask yourself if in 10 years from now,
you're gonna wish you gave it one more shot.
Because the best things in life,
they don't come free.

-----

Yeah, and I know a whole score of you out there are this close to caving in, to giving up, to losing it.

Don't.

We're all in this together. We're all suffering together, and I need you to hold on,

The world needs you to hold on,

You need to hold on for everything you believe in and everything you stand for.

Please remember this:
Yes, you are small but you're all irreplacable and are invaluable and miraculous.
Those stars don't have anything on you.

Hold on,

and don't ever let go, because if you fall, I'd throw myself in just to snatch for your hand.

<3

2007-05-29T22:18:00.000+08:00

We all die.
The goal isn't to live forever.
The goal is to create something that will.
----

I'll be away for a few days, darlings.

In the meantime, 'scuse my horrible lack of updates!

Life= hectic. I, for one, am happy that I made it through the week.

So yea-uh, Shangri-La, here I come; Gym, here I come, poolside mugging, here I come, woohoo.

(And yes. If I meet an Austin, I promise I won't keep you in the dark.)

(Which is highly unlikely anyways, so don't hold your breath.)

(...Because I'll be away for five days, and we wouldn't want you to die of asphyxiationwotchamacallit, would we now?)

Love, love, and more love,
(And deepest apologies for typing in disjointed sentences. It just makes it seem as if I've written far more than I actually have.)

Cara.

2007-05-19T21:07:00.000+08:00

"Well, you're wasting time if you're trying to impress me;
I waste all my time just thinking of you."
-Brand New.
---------

I...

HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO BLOG ABOUT. :D

No, really. No Austins, no blue-eyed boys, no green-eyed boys, no internet stalkers, no nothing!

(in a s'cond you'll be wrapped around my finger.)

Damn right you will. :D

And gah, gah! I have not fully recovered from the mortification of having Austin think that my music tastes are restricted to the like of
1) High School Musical
2) The Veronicas
3) Avril Lavigne. (!!!)

Whuttttt.

I mean, come ON.
My taste is music is so fully more capacitative (is there even such a word? ...if there isn't, then I PATENTED IT FIRST. :D) than that.

*cringes and dies in a puddle of gloom*

And then when crap happened over there, the only effyouseekaying song I could cry to was High School Musical's "Stick to the Status Quo".

Which is, like. "!!!"

And then I didn't feel like crying any more.

Because aoiads09843(*@&#! who cries to songs like that?

(If YOU do, or know of anyone who does,
please dial 1800-MY-MUSIC-TASTE-IS-THE-PITS! and wait for assistance. thankyou.)

Oh look. I managed to put together a coherent post, after all. ( a RELATIVELY coherent post, at any rate, and it's even got good punctuation [sort of] and good grammar [kind of] to boot.)

Pirates in NINE days.

Count 'em. :D

(Hey, come closer.)

2007-05-15T18:23:00.000+08:00

Just one more breath, I beg you, please-
Just one more step, my knees are weak
My heart is sturdy but it needs you to survive;
My heart is sturdy, but it needs you.

Breathe, don't you want to breathe?
I know that you are strong enough to handle what I need
My capillaries scream, there's nothing left to feed on
My body needs a reason to cross that line
Will you carry me there one more time?

Just one long breath, I beg you, please
Just one more step- you are not weak
My legs are sturdy but they need you to survive;
My heart is sturdy- but I need you.

I have reason to believe that I have victories to taste
I can feel them on my teeth, upon my lips and in my chest
I can roll them on my tongue, they are more supple than defeat
I feel the tension in my lungs and every move is fueled by my resolve to--

Breathe, don't you want to breathe?
I know that you are strong enough to handle what I need
My capillaries scream, there's nothing left to feed on
My body needs a reason to cross that line
Will you carry me there one more time?

Breathe, don't you want to breathe?

2007-05-10T22:30:00.000+08:00

Your biggest challenge isn't someone else.
It's the ache in your lungs, the burning static in your head,
and the voice inside of you that screams "can't!"
...But you don't listen.
You push harder.
You hear the voice whisper "can";
and you discover that the person you thought you were
is no match for the one you really are.
--------

Two and a half hours of nonstop rowing,

but it seemed like an eternity--
---an endless expanse of growling waters and the sound of their breathing and the burning in my arms,

and all the while that voice was screaming "CAN'T!" and it screamed until it was hoarse, and until it could barely scream any longer;

but then another voice called through the blur--

"Come on; don't give up;

I'm with you, with you all the way."

and I told the voice of Doubt-- "...Well, to hell with the pain."
and we rowed.

For me.
For you.
For us.
For them.

I feel numb. :/

Not to be confused with emo, kthx.

(and we are screaming you can trust us;)

2007-05-08T16:18:00.000+08:00

"But why is the rum gone?"
----

RAH I JUST SAW THE POTC3 TRAILER! :D

...Now please excuse me while I squee into a puddle of sunshine.

Zomgomg! I played it on youtube, and as soon as the opening song started playing; I started doing this strange little jig/dance thing around my Mac.

Me: EEEEEE! <3 Jon, Jana! Look! Piraaaates!
(gets no response)
Me: *makes another valiant attempt to elicit normal human response [ie; springing up and doing similar jig of piratedom around living room] from younger siblings* LOOK! LOOK! *dies of joy* ...WELCOME TO SINGAPORRRRRE!
Jon: *barely glances up* Wow.
Jana: Can you stop playing the Pirates song?

:/ Meep.
[/deflates]

BUT ANYWAY!
After that, I went on a pirate rummage through my closet (my maid isn't going to be very happy. shh.) and found queer doodads which, after some twiddling and tweaking- actually bear eerie resemblance to Jack Sparrow: The Fall Line!
And then I spent some time playing dress-up in front of the mirror and hopping around said mirror to the PotC soundtrack; before I remembered that modern-day pirates actually do have homework. (after which I had to change out of my Jack Sparrow get-up and sit down to mug for Chinese.)

But I'm still wearing all my piratey jewellery and doodads; and my little sister is giving me funny looks because I've been pottering around the house in a beach shirt, Roxy shorts, Jack Sparrowesque mascara, messy hair, and about five necklaces.

WHEEEE.
I can't wait for the PotC premiere. <3 And nothing, absolutely nothing (not even thirteen men dancing on a dead man's chest!) will stop me from getting to that premiere.

...That having been said, I do pity the poor souls who'll be going with me. :/
They shall be duly embarrassed during
1) the opening credits, when Cara stands up in her seat and starts singing along lustily to He's A Pirate. (trilly bits and all)
2) during the movie, when Cara echoes, word for word, "BUT WHY IS THE RUM GONE?", bursts into hysterical laughter, and drains the whole of her Diet Coke in one swig.
3) during the movie, when Cara starts gloating about having a jar of dirt.
4) during the movie, when Cara starts singing He's A Pirate all over again, whenever Jack Sparrow comes onscreen.
5) after the movie, when the end credits start to roll, and Cara starts bawling and weeping about it being the World's End.

Ting! We be hot pirate wenches. :]
And Maxy be Will Turner.
And Seet be Teh Undead Monkey. :/

Err...I mean- ARRRRR.

Now avast, me hearties; Cap'n Jackie Sparrow's off ta finish her hawmework.

...Blitherin' bother.

2007-05-06T19:00:00.000+08:00

So brown eyes, I hold you near
You're the only song I want to hear;
And you're a melody spinning through my atmosphere.
-----

TRIBUTE TO HUMAN FAITH & VULNERABILITY POST.

A stranger stabs you in the front;
A friend stabs you in the back.
A boyfriend stabs you in the heart.
A best friend pokes you with a straw.

Sometimes you just have to sit back
& watch the world pass you by.
But sometimes you have to get back up
& catch up before it leaves you behind.
Because babe, it won't wait for a second.

"Apologies are all we'll ever be," she said.
Standing on the stairs
Looking back, looking hard at me.
"Well, life is long for those who have to wait," I said.
It's the choice I had to make.

You are so damn beautiful
and I think I'm going to have to scream it at you
for you to finally understand that.

Every once in while, people step up. They rise above themselves.
Sometimes, they fall short. Life is funny at times.
It can push pretty hard, but if you look close enough,
you find hope in the words of children, in the bars of a song, and in the eyes of someone you love.
And if you're lucky,
and I mean if you're the luckiest person on this entire planet,
the person you love, decides to love you back.

We're just afraid, period.
Our fear is free floating.
We're afraid this isn't the right relationship
or we're afraid it is.
We're afraid they won't like us
or afraid they will.
We're afraid of failure
or we're afraid of success.
We're afraid of dying young
or we're afraid of growing old.
We're more afraid of life
than we are of death.
-Marianne Williamson

Get out, get out.
wherever you are.
Find a new friend.
Jump as high as you can.
Change your favorite color.
Dance to a ringtone.
Follow a path. kiss upside down.
Have a green day.
Take a deep breath.
Leave your head in the clouds.
Make time. Put your roof down.
Wear flowers in your hair.
Get grass stains on your knees.
Turn right when you should turn left.
See things from a new perspective.
It's okay.
Live YOUR life.

I am invincible as long as I am alive.

2007-05-04T20:45:00.000+08:00

Jilted hearts to build jilted lovers;
And we are skyscrapers and its considered entrapment
and its deadliest sin.
-----

We are the new face of destruction.
Prettier and younger,
but not any better off.

And I wonder if I'm feeling like he did back then,
before the courtship of the noose and pale grey wysterias
So ill-fitting, draped loosely round a box called Hope Lost;
They said he penned my name in his very last letter.

And;

(whispers: Hey baby,
You're six feet under and you can't hear me.)

2007-05-03T20:26:00.000+08:00

(INSERT INTERESTING, WITTY, AND THOUGHT-PROVOKING QUOTE HERE.)
--------

Oh I don't know, I'm just not in the mood for a quote right now.

I know! Like, emigawsh! What is the world coming to?!
(Ooh look, pink elephant.)

I've been delaying posting for a lawwwwng time because I was planning to wait and do a nice long picture post. :] BUT Maxine Lam Ai Ting forgot to bring the gizmook to connect my camera's memory card with my Mac, so ten bucks tells me that the schmexy picture post won't be coming tonight.

... Dundundunn.

I drank blood.

The other day. In, like, the NJC Bio Lab.

I know, I know. OF ALL PLACES, right? It could've been a graveyard. It could've been in some tiny, musty room tucked away in Northern France, all misty and musty and romantic. It could've been in some crazy mythicalesque place with princes and unicorns and vampires and elves,

...but nuuuu, it had to be in the NJC Bio Lab.

And it wasn't even in some crystal goblet, with light scintillating off the edges.
...It was from a plastic disposable plate.
Which probably was passed down from IP06 to IP05 to IP01 to IP02 to IP03 and finally IP04.

Dahyum, I'm weird.

But that having been said- it ackshually tasted pretty good.
Kinduv like that liver shizz my mum forces me to take.
But from the way everyone else in 04 reacted, you would've thought I had eaten a part of the human anatomy or something.

Wei Quan: "Arrrghhh! Cara, don't drink the blood! You'll get AIDS!!!"

Haha, Wei Quan.
Haha.

...Kat cut a heart in her pig's heart.

Ohhhhyes.

Introducing the New Urban Emo--- NJC style.

...Feeling emo? ...Carve a heart into your pig's heart!
...Thirsty? ... Drink blood!
... Angry? ... Blowing people up is so last year. Stuff your finger's into a pig's aorta instead!

Good times, good times.

Uh huh uh huh, and I finally finished my one star canoeing course for nationals. :] Hahah. It was neat, 'cept during the capsize drill; I realized that my canoe didn't have any buoyancy.

So it was, like.

Me: "Oh dang...Maxy....Jinnie... *treads water frantically* ...I think my boat's sinking...!"

And then it was me grappling in the water, desperately trying to haul my rapidly sinking canoe out of the water, and Maxy and Jinnie freaking out from their canoes, from where they were SUPPOSED TO RESCUE ME.

And worse still, I HAD to realize that my lifejacket was too big for me.

"...Maxy! Heeeelp. I'm falling out of my lifejacket!"

And I had that Dido song playing in my head, all the while I was thinking oh no, oh no, oh no....

I will go down with this ~~ship~~ canoe;
I will ~~put up my hands~~ fall out of my incredibly loose lifejacket; and surrender,
There will be no white flag upon my door,
I'm ~~in love, and always will be.~~ sinking. Will somebody help me?

Muahaha yesterday we had the whole NJ track and field thing.

Managed (with Kat's help!) to get some very candid, very unglam pictures of CERTAIN PEOPLE. :]

Photoshop rocks.

<3

(watch this space. Pictures coming soon.)

2007-04-28T22:14:00.001+08:00

That is what we do.
That is what people do.
They stay alive for one another.
-------

G'NIGHT, STARSHINE; THE MOON SAYS HELLO. :D

I don't have much to post about, but. Just t'let y'all know that no, I'm not dead (not yet, anyways), and no, my will stays untouched until I'm six feet under!

Okay.
Since I don't have any truly other meaningful thing to yabber about... I'm gunna post a few quotes for certain people.
Not going to say who which quote's for. :]

[/START]

1. He misses you?
Good. He SHOULD.
You're sexy, pretty, funny, outgoing, & fun to be around.
Guys that haven't met you yet miss you.
But don't get back together with him, 'cause somewhere out there is a guy searching really hard for you.
He's the one who deserves someone amazing like you, so
let him have it, and not the asshole who left you.

2. You'd kill me if you had the chance;
but bitch, I was born to shine.

3. If you don't like me, there's nothing I can do.
Here's a newsflash, honey;
I don't live to please you.

4. The more you get to know a person, the more attractive they become to you.
Because everything beautiful you see on the inside of them;
you suddenly begin to see on the outside, too.

5. It's life you're angry at.
Dreams fade. Period.
They slip, they falter, they die.
That's life, darling. That's life.
But if you let that stop you from living, then what is the point of it all?

6. there's a point in your life when you know who stays forever & who's just around for a while.
people change, but so do you ; sometimes for the better & sometimes for the worse.
bad things happen to everyone ; you`re not in it alone.
people lie & some people just don't care how you feel.
your heart beats no matter how much pain you`re in.
everything will be okay eventually.
there are always people in your life that just make your day no matter the miles.
i know all about distance ; i've been dealing with it all my life, so don`t tell me it's easy but it's worth it. i'd rather stay in touch with the people i love then just drop it & forget about it . you don't forget about the ones you love, it doesn't work that way. give it all you got, & life your life to the fullest.
people would kill to have what you have.
someone always has it worse off than you, but that doesn't mean your pain doesn't count.

7. You look at your body in the mirror and hate it.
Nothing seems right; not your eyes, not your hair,
your figure, your legs, your hands.
You don't see that you are designed to look exactly the way you do--
beautiful.

8. Sometimes, I wish you'd pay more attention to my favorite songs ;
because the lyrics sing words I'm too scared to say.

9. So plug your ears and make excuses;
block out who you see in the mirror-
but the truth is--
you can't escape yourself.

10. I may be insecure,
but I know how to pick myself up and try again.

11. Don't flatter yourself, sweetie.
The only fan you have is on the ceiling.

12. the funny thing is, nobody really ever knows how much anybody else is hurting. 
we could be standing next to somebody who is completely broken 
& we wouldn't even know.

13. So what if we prank call people on friday nights?
So what if we think "yo mamma" jokes are hilarious? 
Why does it matter that we sometimes talk like we're mentally challenged, & dance like we're fifty?  
We're best friends & we love it.  
Now go ahead & continue with  your boring, normal, & oh-so-mature lives.

[*grins* ...And!
We're best friends 'cause God knew our mothers couldn't handle us being sisters. :D]

14. I don't want your boyfriend.
Nobody wants your boyfriend.
That's why he's with you.

15.You were given this life because you're strong enough to live it.

16. they live for the way they become a family with their team,
they live for the countless songs they sing in their head while training all those hours.

17. So basically, I'm gonna go all third-grader on you
& DOUBLE DOG DARE you to fall in love with me.

(HEE, and this one isn't really for anyone in particular- I just thought it was cute.)
...I've learned that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. :]

[/END]

Yaye. That made for a loverly substantial post.

HO NOW! Homework calls my name.

<3

2007-04-24T22:59:00.000+08:00

we're turning circles, baby.
we're never satisfied.
we fall from grace, forget we can fly, but through all the tears we cry, we survive.
because when we're ~~torn apart~~, shattered and scared, love has the grace to save us.
we're just tarnished hearts, but in each other's eyes we become saints and angels.
-----

II have realized that I am a very odd person.

[Cue mighty cry: "...You only JUST realized?!"]

But I am a DOUBLY odd person because I just caught myself opening the mug drawer to get one of t hose pretty coloured Ikea cups, and I found mysellf thinking to myself,

"I will only drink from either the dark red cup or the dark green cup, because dark red looks like blood and dark green looks elfy and they both are safe, warm colours and I will be safe and warm if I drink from them."

I mean. Who even CARES about the colours of their cups, besides apparently me?
(And I even get a little thrill whenever I get the dark green cup at dinnertime! Omg Cara, get a life!!!)

Also, I have realized that whenever I make grilled cheese sandwiches/fruit salads/etc, I only ever eat them from the dark blue or dark red plates, because (or so I reason with myself) the neon coloured plates are unsafe and not nice and therefore cannot be eaten from.
WHAT is with that?

Okay, I'm starting to freak me out now.

Uh huh anyway. Moving on.
Training! I did a T1, since Gill wasn't there.
And I was scared, at first! I mean, like. I was afraid that I''d pull and pull and still not get anywhere, or something.
BUT. We did sprints, and even if I do say so myself, today's training has given me a little high, because I know that I really pushed myself today and if I'm willing to improve (which I so am) I will go even further.
I made sure that I was on par with Becky & Jinnie's T2, and I just rowwwwwwed.
I could feel my glide- and it felt awesome. Which is a confidence booster for me, and I WILL do my best in the K2 tomorrow, I WILL!

Plus. I almost tipped over watching the T1 guys do their sprints. ...I mean, like. Even in the bulkiest of all the crafts, they just glided. (Glode? Glade? Garg. Literary analysis essay is draining my brain cells.)
Honestly, they just flew.
And if you just looked at their boats, it'd look like the easiest, most free, most liberating, most natural thing in the world to do-- just to skim across the surface the way they did.
...But we know better.
We know the pain and the anguish and the sheer driving force that is needed to send those boats flying over the water-- and how every stroke hurts (God, it hurts)...and just looking at the flight of those crafts, an outsider would never guess how much pain goes into making those boats fly.

The K seniors are an inspiration, too.
I mean- the look on every face when they sprint- it's amazing. You can see all the pain (bare, unconcealed, unleashed) etched on every line of their face, and their crafts barely skim the surface of the churning water.
It's dangerous, that kind of power.
It's terrifying explosive breathtaking, and I' know I''m rambling here, but I mean what I say.

It's amazing, really it is-- how nobody would be able to guess how much pain
goes into styling that kind of perfection
(powerful to the point of sheer delicacy)

I want to be like that, one day.

I want to get to the level where I can say,

"I laugh in the face of pain,"

It's not going to be easy, but I''ll be damned if I don't put up a fight to get where I want to go.
Even if it takes me helluva long time.

And Life isn't getting any easier.
Sometimes I'm afraid my problems'll just fall on me and crush me.
One clean fall. And then zip. Nada. Zilchohhhhh.

But Pain, make me better;
Life, make me wiser;
Love, make me brighter;
and Jesus, keep me strong.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

<3

2007-04-22T18:45:00.001+08:00

"everyone has at least one secret that would break your heart if you knew about it.

if everyone realized that,

I think there would be a whole lot more compassion and tolerance in this world. "

-----

I'm tired of all the speculations about the Virginia Massacre.

I just logged onto Youtube to take a look at the videos; and the barrage of insults that people there are directing at each other- it's heartbreaking, really it is...

Tragedies were meant to bring us together.

So just stop, stop your bad-mouthing and your racist remarks and your 'oh that's ad hominem's and shut up, just shut up, just live and love- because inevitably that's all that counts; and that's all that's going to count, because at the next moment you could be on the floor with a bullet in your head.

Who cares if the killer was Korean? Who cares if he was Asian?

... In fact, so what if the killer happened to be the president of one of the world's superpowers?

I'd say it wouldn't make a difference.

Because at the heart of all the hatred-- it has nothing, absolutely nothing to do with race, or religion, or whatever.

Because at the heart of all the hatred was a little boy lonely and misunderstood and unaccepted.

And that little boy grew up to be a bigger boy, and all of that hurt boiled into a deep, fatal anger.

Nobody has the right to take another's life.

Nobody has the right to take their life.

Nobody has the right to point fingers and accuse anyone of anything- because, honestly, we've messed up this world and we're not doing anything to try and fix it, are we?

So news of Anna Nicole Smith's death gets splashed all over the front page; blaring headlines, technicolour pictures, quotes, the works. Oh, so celebrities are becoming celebri-twigs...gosh, breaking news- I know, let's splash it all over the cover page today...bones, ribcage marks and all!

...But news of the latest ozone depletion? ...Or the latest death toll in Iraq?

Yeah, that'd be the tiny fifty-word paragraph at the last page of the newspaper.

Good luck finding it.

So here. In a nutshell, this is what's wrong with our world today.

1. So one celebrity dies of another overdosage. WHOAA. Major world grieving.

... So a hundred more children die in Iraq. ...So who cares, right? It's not like these things don't happen EVERY DAY.

2. If the definition for 'beautiful' becomes any thinner; nobody will be able to fit.

3. 'Fake' has, apparently, replaced D&G's spring range as the new trend. And it looks like almost everyone's in style.

4. We are shoving the children of tomorrow into a Holocaust gas chamber. We are suffocating ourselves and we are suffocating them, and nobody seems to be trying to stop it.

5. We are screaming our insecurities but muttering our apologies. We are yelling out the "I hate me"s and "if only"'s, but we are choking back the "thankyou, I love you"s and the "you are beautiful"s.

6. We are abusing our human rights by not living, laughing, and loving.

2007-04-21T17:35:00.001+08:00

maybe you're right--
maybe I'm just a misguided soul;
maybe we were all born to be concrete children;
maybe this life isn't beautiful;
maybe I need to get down from the clouds and grow up,
stop seeing the loveliness in the loneliest things.

But then again.
Maybe you're wrong.
Maybe you're wrong, and
maybe I've been right about life all along.
------

I've found something that works better than anti-depressants.

(Not that, uh, I USE anti-depressants, or anything. But I'm guessing.)

...Watch little children play soccer.
Encourage little children to play soccer.
Run alongside them in a game of soccer.
Get your arse kicked by them in aforementioned game of soccer.

...And no, I'm not sore that a group of five year olds have better ball sense than I do. :] I think I learnt just as much as they did from today's Soccer League CIP.

Junhan: *kneels down to be at eyelevel with all the little four/five/six year olds* ...Okay, so you all like watching TV, right? Good. So therefore, you are a team. *beams proudly*

(Okay, so maybe there's a good reason why Junhan doesn't havta take MI. :])

Gerald: *glee* Omigosh! That little boy just told me, "Byebye Mister Gorgor!" :D *thrilled*

...Andand Hui Ming and I helped some little kid called Bryan.
One word: ahdorable.
He was reallyreallyshy, but he had such beeeg eyes and he looks like a little baby elf and OH maybe I should take him under my wing (arm?hand?) and train him up to be a fullfledged elf!

So mmyeah. Today kinduv was a light breather from some of the stuff I've been going through lately.

Tomorrow: perfection must begin.

<3

2007-04-18T20:12:00.000+08:00

it's getting hard to swallow now, and the lone grey walls- they crumble down;
I can't wait to be better.
I can't wait to be free.
-------

...Today has been one helluva day, and my first track race experience ever.

I almost died during the race.
No kidding.
("...What if I just twist my ankle right here...? ...I won't be able to run then.")
...And as usual, Doubt reached its tiny insidious fingers into my mind and murmured little words of deceit.

But then I decided, "Screw Doubt...Imma run."

...I came in 22nd.
When I heard the news, I didn't know whether to laugh (because I had come in among the top 25 out of over a hundred runners) or to cry (because I had missed the 20th runner mark by two effing positions.)

So I did both.

Joshua: Caraaaaaa you did it!
Cara: What was my position?
Joshua: 22nd! You did it hahaha, well done...omigosh are you crying?!

...Not that I have any regrets about the race.
I've learnt that EVERY normal person, after a race, starts thinking, "Aw gee, I could have run harder."
Which is, like, DUH. Because by the time you get around to thinking that, you've recovered and not dying and have got your strength back up again.

But I know I ran hard, I know I did.

The last stretch almost killed me.
I rounded the corner and brushed past some CCKS runner; and then I thought, " To charge, or not to charge?"

And according to Oprah, when in doubt- say no.
But I beg to differ.
And I started building up speed,
(up and up and up and up)
until I thought my rattling lungs were going to collapse and fall into a crevice in my small intestine.

I still remember-- the only thought in my head was
For God, for the team; for God, for the team;
and I could barely see; but then in my mind, I saw the faces of the canoeing team like smiling, still shots;
(we believe in you,
and we trust you,
all the way,
last charge- c'mon, c'mon)
and I swung my arms and opened my strides and ran so hard it hurt, and overtook another runner (push, push, don't give in)

(breathe their names as you suffer)

and then the next thing I knew, I was across the finishing line and I almost fell into the arms of a Crescent girl.

Crescent girl: Are you okay?
Me: (thinks: Obviously not!!!) ...*barely manages to gasp* ...Water.
Crescent girl: Oh, this water isn't for you; you have to go over there to the NJ crowd- *points somewhere in the distance*- and get water from there.
Me: *promptly dies on the spot*

So yeah.
I guess 22nd isn't a bad result; after all, I DID have a disadvantage-
I hadn't had the chance to really train in a week,
I'm not a tracker to begin with,
and I had only light jogged the race route once.

...But all the disadvantages in the world could never make up a good excuse;
and if there ever IS a next time-
- I'm going to run again with no regrets, like today-
but I WILL GET INTO THE TOP 20.

And back to MG matters.
Raina came in one or two positions before me-- when she was at my level, I remember going, "Come on, MG";
and she gave me this surprised look, and then half-smiled. (I'm guessing here... it might just have been a grimace.)
Cahmon- after all, I DO still love MG. I love MG AND NJ; so sue me if there's a law against free love!

...I'm surprised that I beat Christel Fung and Charissa Ong, though.
I mean- back in MG- I went around life under the impression that they were the immortal fasties.
...So I suppose that means that my fitness levels've gone up, but I'm still awesomely dissatisfied
and I am going to push harder, harder, harder
until I become the best I can possibly be.

NJ track-- take heart!
I'm inspired by you guys, really- and you KNOW you gave your heart for this race.
Keep pushing, keep praying, keep holding on-- you guys're gunna go far.

with pulsing breath you hush your mind
a static symphony of sound
your feet, they tremble at the line
but you will stand your ground.

heightened worry; deep and painful Fear
taps expectantly at the door
but you must declare that you're booked for life--
--remember who you're fighting for.

the race begins-- sinewy legs drum
a rhythmic tension growing loud
And you- not the topdog nor the winner under-
get lost inside the crowd.

Breathe! you plead silently with yourself
No pain, no fear, no fear
and still they're fastersleekerbetterbest
is all that you can hear.

...I scribbled that early this morning, but didn't get a chance to finish it. So here goes.

with a heart about to break you fight your mind
(angels, angels all around)
your lungs, they will bleed before the line
but you will stand your ground.

2007-04-16T21:34:00.000+08:00

"Every single person has at least one secret
that would break your heart.
If we could just remember this
I think there would be a lot more compassion and tolerance in the world."
-Post Secret.
------

If you're not willing to risk it all, then you don't want it bad enough.

10 km timetrials today.
Gill couldn't come to training on time [bah Boom Boom Room!], so I had to go by my lonesome in a T1.
...The first few km was sheer torture. I wasn't twisting enough, so my forearms starting aching; and eventually it got to the point when I felt like giving up- my strokes weren't effective 'cause my forearms were so numb I couldn't even hold my paddle and lock the water properly, and it felt like I was doomed to an hour of being lapped and lapped again.

...But then at the 6km mark, I realized how bad I needed to fight for this.
And I told myself that I had just come for training, I had just arrived, I was fresh, I was raring to go, and I was going to push that 4 km.

So I did.

Thankyou, Cheryl, for pushing the pace with me for that last kilometre,
Thank you, Ying Jie, for encouraging and pacing with Em and I for the first few km. (Yes, I did notice you slowing down your pace a little to wait for us juniors. I appreciate that, really I do.)
Thang you Thang (:D), for coming alongside me in your K2 and telling me to keep pushing, to keep pushing.
Thank you, Heng Yang and the K2 guys for urging me on for that last charge.

It was amazing.
I grit my teeth and plunged my paddle in

again
and again
and again;

and I could hear your voices- low, urgent, intense; (never lose hope)

and it's moments like those when the light switches on again and I fall in love with this team all over again.

Monday: Canoeing training.
Tuesday: Active Rest Day. (in preparation for track nats.)
Wednesday: Track Nats!
Thursday: Canoeing training.
Friday: Canoeing training.
Saturday: Canoeing training.
Sunday: Gym! :D (with Maxy? ...Any takers? I don't really fancy going alooohne.)

Oh, and. Today, um.

Maxy: Y'know, I've got a new canoeing song.
Cara: Ooh really? *perks up* So do I. Wot's yours?
Maxy: ...Keep Moving On--
Cara: --- ZOMG really!!! *hops* MINE TOO!
Maxy: Eeep omigosh!
Cara: Omigoshhh! It's kischmit!!!
Both: :D *HUG*

...and hence, my day ends.

I need my Nature's Valley fix now. Love ya all.

(with you by my side I will fight and defend.)

2007-04-15T16:59:00.001+08:00

welcome to existence;
everyone's here,
everyone's here.
------

Today is a frumpyIteedsomeoneoffbyaccidentfuglyemofiedIfeellikeatotalslob day.

Break out the streamers and the firecrackers, yo.

I wish, for once, that my diary entries could go something like this!

"Dear diary,
Today I met a beautiful boy.
We fell in love and got married and rode on the Ferris Wheel in Vegas.
And then we honeymooned in Paris and ate baguettes and wild strawberry croissants with cream for breakfast, lunch and dinner because French people never get fat.
One day we will have three children and a Victorian mansion and will raise pink baby elephants for a living.

Love, Cara."

But nuuuuuu. NONE of my diary entries EVER run like that. (And I wonder why!)
...But yes, they do sometimes contain excerpts of beautiful boys and baguettes and pink baby elephants.
Unfortunately, though, the beautiful boys all go away eventually, the baguettes and croissants begin giving my waistline some love, and the animal rights people petition for anti-pink baby elephants, which eventually die after a few days anyway because of some genome deficit.

Grah on to other things.

Heng Yang thinks I like ___________ and ___________. (and possibly _______.)
...Someone's been watching too many reruns of A Cinderella Story.
Okay, so maybe I COULD like ____________ (let's play Hangman, shall we?); but it's too early to say.
Because until proven wrong, I say that teenage romance is just another cliche.
Supersenior Tom earnestly believes that I'm wrong and he thinks that I'm just a young jaded soul.

Ohwell. Keep guessing, brother! :P Maybe ONE DAY I'll tell you.

I think I want to do Friday dinners with Maxy and Emily as well. (that is, if they let me come-- which they probably will coz I'm just that irresistable)
I think I could get used to having Friday dinners.
Especially with the 07canoeingbdivjuniorgirls. :]

Ooh. Qin Rui says I remind him of Moonlight Sonata.
Hahaha and according to him, it ISN'T because I'm slow and full of trilly bits and am often played in the background during social functions.
...That's nice t'know. :D

Oh I love psychoanalyzing.

<3

2007-04-13T22:24:00.001+08:00

and oh, your eyes shone bright, like
the headlights of a million speeding cars; and
I confess-- youmightbesomethingincrediblewaitingtohappen.
------------

Ohmygosh.

My tagboard is dyyyyying. *spasms*
A big hug and thankyou and a dozen pink elephants to the loverly people who've kept my tagboard fed so far.

A big "phhhhish" and nothankyou and a dozen your-name-goes-into-my-I-don't-give-a-damn-notebook wishes to the mean people who haven't.

I highly suspect that my blog is being watched. :/
BUT OHWELL.
Only goes to show that my blog's worth watching secretly anyway. :]

... Ash wants me to blog about track training. So here.
All You Need To Know About Trackers:
(disclaimer: Don't get insulted, or anything. This is totally just in fun, PLUS I'm not poking fun at y'all! I respect trackers. :] )
1. They run. Like, a lot.
2. Some of them (ahemASHANDWQahem) have, apparently, something against canoeists.
But less power to them, then; 'cuz it just so happens that having canoeists as friends is ze total ownage.
3. Their track jersey has smaller armholes than the canoeing singlet has. :/
4. They're fast.
5. They're fast.
6. They're fast.
....
.......
20. And just when you think they can't go faster;
they speed up.

...Aforementioned two trackers also are suffering under the delusion that all canoeists have no life whatsoever.
I beg to differ.

Today, I rowed in a K2 as per norm with Gill- pacing with M&M {Mei Xin and Maxy. I'm so good at this, aren't I.}, the J1 girls, and Mr Yong.

And today I found our legacy;
written in schoolgirl penmanship and felt markers, on the bow of NJC K2-07. (08? The number doesn't matter.)

"Push. Endure. Fight.
For you.
For me.
For us.
For them."

It was beautiful, and all the while I had that still silent whisper ringing through my head:
For us. For them. For us. For them.

And so I rowed my best.

For us, and for them.

And for Him.

And I've realized that when you've truly felt pain; truly felt what it feels to suffer and struggle and fight for what you believe in... as the pain intensifies;

so does life.

And life seems so much more beautiful because of that.

...If anyone wants/dares/has the nerve to challenge that, then here's a recommendation;

Go capsize in a T-craft. Without a life-jacket. At the 1km mark.
And may you get thwapped (accidentally, of course) over the head by a HCI K1er, and may you eat much backwash.

kthx.

I love this team, and anyone who dares to insult that is, (quite frankly, darling dear) an absolute loser.

So all non-losers (read: Loser ', All Subsets of Winners, All Un-Dorks) report to the white marquee now and confess that yes, canoeists DO have lives; and pretty awesome ones, too.

... But busy lives. Definitely busy.
I've got NAPHA, IP Preview, and ~~track nationals~~ (Ash'll want me to capitalize this, I suppose) Track Nationals next week; so I'm more than just a little nervy about it all.
Gah why do all the freakishly importantesque things all decide to rush down on me in the same week; do they have a grudge against rad people? >:[

La phish.

(be my something-incredible-is-waiting-to-happen,
please won't you, won't you, you will?)

<3

2007-04-09T21:54:00.001+08:00

What has become of a boy who knew the meaning of courage?
What's become of a girl who knew sorrow but was strong?
-----

...I'll tell you what became of them.
They grew up, grew wiser, and moved on to do greater things.
They dreamed the absurd, thought the unbelievable and did the impossible- and all because they had the faith to press on when they thought they couldn't.

This morning we went for "hell training", as Mr Yong calls it.
My pull-ups suck.
...No, wait. That's an understatement.
My pull-up sucks.

...But wait, that's wrong, too, and why?
I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A PULL-UP TO WHINE ABOUT, THAT'S WHY.

My canoeing seniors make it look like pea porridge- but that's probably just because:
1) they're uberishly fit
2) the guys have muscles from here to eternity
2) they've actually attempted pull-ups before.

... But I swear that by the beginning of next month, I WILL be able to do pullups.
And by June, I WILL meet the pullup criteria for the girls.

...Then we went for a 2.4 km timetrial. Thankyou, Nina, for pacing with me. I don't think I could have pushed as hard if you hadn't been there. During the actual thing, Imma imagine an imaginary veryfast freakishlyfit Nina running a few strides ahead of me!
Because I'm not sure which I hate most-
people running ahead of me, or people running just behind me.
It makes me want to break away and run far, far away-- which is a very good thing, truth be told.

I remember that at some point during the run, I was just about to give in.
Then I heard Nina cry, "Come on, Cara, use your hurt!"

So, like the obedient girl I am, I sourced around for some hurt to tap into. (which apparently will make you run faster and thus speed up your 2.4 timing.)
... And I was stunned when I realized that I didn't have any hurts to tap into.

...I mean, yeah- I do still have my fears and my screw-ups and my ohmygosh-Imma-curl-up-and-die times...but I don't really have any real hurts. At least not compared to the suffering that the rest of the world's going through; I don't have any valid pain.

Then I realized how blessed I was, and how different my life is now. (if you had asked me to tap into my hurts a year ago, I would have broken down and cried.)
So I was just, like, Oh whatever Lord, I'm going to finish this run for You. Please help me not to fall down and die.

And I ran.

And I beat my previous timing- my timing from those days.

I clocked 10.21- which, yes, I know, isn't the best of timings.
But it's better than my timing from the ________ days. Which, all things considered, is a good thing.
And I got cyberly hit on the head by Thang for "being complacent" but he's just being evil. I KNOW I can improve. I know none of us can ever stop where we are. It'd be lazy and dumb and just plain stupid to think that we're good enough, because

we aren't, we aren't,
I hate to have to quote the ACS motto-
but the best is yet to be!

(cue ACS roar.)

Hahaha so yeah, that's pretty much my day in a nutshell.
1. Morning training
2. School
3. Track training
4. Canoeing meeting
5. Home. And studying.

Isn't my life lovely. So easygoing and free yeah.

(but actually, I'll confess- I'm rather enjoying it.)

"To be second is to be last." - Mr Yong

...Well. I may get second in some things, but I'll be damned if I get second when it comes to mentality and attitude.

Be strong, stay strong, go strong, all the way.

That's the way we should fight, even if we go down fighting.

Jesus take the wheel.

<3

2007-04-08T16:22:00.000+08:00

we had an instant history,
some supernatural chemistry.
-----

A sad minority of the global population should know what I'm talking about.

I'm in love with his middle name.

It sounds so Jane Austen-esque (and yes, I'll admit, it DOES sound Edward Cullenesque as well), and I love his first name as well.
He sounds like a character out of the pages of a beautiful gilded, coffee-table edition book.

(And yes, I do still keep that dress;
Blue poison ivy and mayflowers, how could I forget?)

I was jealous of his crystal chandelier drawings. They turned out lovely, far beyond what an eight year old should have the right to draw... and mine looked coarse and misshapen and seven year oldesque, just as it should, beside his exquisite pencilling ins.

And then we went outside, leaving our parents to exchange small talk in the ballroom and your little sister to play with her Yellow Tractor picturebook, and we peered into the Italian restaurant in the corner and I remember the childish excitement of those deep red and green lights set in a dark room, and the polysterene bean stuffing in my plush pony shifting as I turned to exchange smiles with you.

"Do you know how to dance?"
You, confident as always, with the strange unsettling charisma so far beyond your years.

And me; startled, big little-girl eyes.
"No."

"Well then. I'll teach you."

And teach me you did, (and it sounds like a fairytale now; some scene out of a teenage movie!) and although we were innocent then, you were so wise, and how the guests must have stared at us then- a young prince and an equally tiny Cinderella!

"...Would you like to dance in front of my father?"

Me, shying away instantly, gathering up little-girl skirts with little-girl hands. "No, no."

"It's okay. You don't have to be afraid."

...But oh, I was, and I still remember how gently you pleaded with me to dance in front of your daddy!

-and now eight years have passed (?), and I'd almost forgotten about you, until one day your name resurfaced, and everything comes flooding back to me again; as bittersweet as yesterday, roses pressed between the pages of an old and lovely book.

I hope you never read this.
I hope you do.

I hope we'll meet again, someday. It isn't impossible, after all-

- and we're almost grown-up now, teenagers; if I passed you on the street I doubt I'd know you,

and you'd probably pass right by me as well.

...But hey.
Thanks for teaching me to believe in magic, and letting me be Cinderella for a night...even if I WAS just a little girl back then, with a brown plush pony and a blue poison ivy dress and with the still shining light that all little children have.

I still remember.

2007-04-07T14:50:00.000+08:00

Dear Jesus;
Grant me the grace to let You lead, and the courage to live for you.
Thank you for dying for me.
Thank you for rising again.

In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Love, Cara.

GO HERE.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=5kGr5Tm-1tE&mode=related&search=

2007-04-06T23:47:00.000+08:00

when you've laughed as much
as you've breathed you've
realized how much life is beautiful.
-----

GO MAXY, ITSHA BIRTHDAY
WE'RE GUNNA PARTY LIKE ITSHA BIRTHDAY. <3

... You didn't hear it from me. :D Today: My bestie's flirtatiously funnily fascistly funkily fantazzzztic fifteenth. So let's hit the pause button and skip back to yesterday- rewind, replay, relive.

I have suffered immeasurable humiliation by having to lug Maxy's obscenely pink "HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRINCESS" balloon to and fro from random place to random place. SHE SO OWES ME ONE.

Training rolls around, and (tadah) Maxy and I have, apparently, been shifted from t1s to k2s.
I push hard with Gill- and while we both agree that we have a long way to go- we both think that our glide feels good. And we WILL go far.
I suhwear we will.
And even if we go down, we'll go down fighting.

After training, I get into an unnatural high and start capering around and doing llama dances by the roadside. Nobody wants to llama dance with me. ): [Still, I conclude that this is only because I am a SPESHUL and UNIQUE person.]

[Also; llama dancing is a highly intensive sport, and is not easily mastered by the uninitiated.]

Maxy's birthday dinner was the shizzzzzzzz.
I never QUITE understood the full meaning of Brokebackdom until Bryan and Zile came along.
I never quite understood the meaning of "weird" in all its strange entirety.
(Zile and Bryan look suhkandeeloos.)

Zile: Bryan's face suck.
Cara: No, you mean Bryan's face SUCKS.
Zile: Bryan is not a girl.
Bryan: Oyyy. I am, okay.
Zile: Bryan has no ball.
Bryan: No. *attempts to correct Zile* ...I have no balls.

Emily: Hey Cara, whyncha bring Bryan to sleepover at your place with you and Maxy as well?
Cara: ...Puhlease. My mum'll be all, "Cara, I thought you said you were only bringing ONE girl to sleepover! ...Why're you bringing TWO?"
Bryan: *not witty enough to think of witty comeback* *unintelligible noise*

...And then the birthday girl slept over at my house (I'm sorry hun, I fell asleep before midnight and thus was unable to wish you an accurate happy birthday), and then we got up the next morning and headed to town.

Starbucks. <3>

Subsequently, we camwhored muchly and went back to Maxy's house and ate dinner and we are still here now. :]

I realize that I look very strange today. I look half-asleep in half of the photos that we took today. And half of the photos we took today...is a whole damn lot, squee.

(BUT WHATEVER. I have resigned myself to my unprettiness.)

Today somebody asked me why I almost never take photographs in colour.

I told her that I only do so because in sepia and black-and-white, everything looks different, somehow. You don't see tangible colours. You see emotions, and feelings, and poetry- and there's a light in faces that never quite struck you as pretty before.

In colour photography, life is vivid.

In sepia and black&white prints, life is immortalized.

Happy birthday, darling, it's been an ahmazing seven years.

2007-04-02T20:16:00.001+08:00

Now good things come to those who fight for them;
Take the highs with ~~the lows~~, dear.
You'll get what you're given, and
everything's gonna be all right.
----

5 tables of hungry happy canoeists = mad fun.

5 tables of hungry happy NJ canoeists= even madder fun.

I LOVE LE NJC CANOEING TEAM DINNER. <3

And I'm so glad I didn't succumb to evil hunger pangs and go off by myself to eat at some deserted little cafe stranded somewhere in the suburbs.

Because that would suck.
...And I've never really been one for the whole pro-live-your-own-sad-life thing, y'know?

'Cept I almost only got one piece of fish. :/ Let me relate:

Cara: *in queue, holds out plate for the fishy thingamajig*
Xavier: *eyes Cara's plate* ...Eat so little rice, then you get a lot of fish. HAAAAA.
*proceeds to carefully ladle out a slice of fish about half the size of my little finger, onto my plate*
There w'go.
Cara: o_O OYYYY.

But it was fun, I enjoyed myself, and squeeeee I have realized how rad certain people are. (and I have also realized how suckily some people can cheer the IP cheer! ...aaand I have also realized that some people have weird taste. Like eating longans in rice.)

Some people say that when you're given life every day; grab it and run like hell.

But I SAY (Cara's 5th Rule Of Logic: All Cara's Word Is Law!) that when you're given life every day- take it, and live, live, it up!

[*discovers that her Mac, for some reason, is unable to type in the letter CAPITAL e.]

[... Oh dahyummm.]

OH WLL THN, Y'ALL WILL JUST HAV TO RAD THIS WITHOUT TH ALPHABT BTWN D AND F, BCAUS MY KYBOARD CANNOT TYP IT.

... But honestly. Life's given to you everyday- and I'll be damned if I'm going to screw mine up with drugs and going around feeling sorry for myself and self-medication (...seriously, what next? Purposeful overdosage on cough syrup?)

(...though I DO understand how one can die of cough syrup consumption. The banana flavoured kinds are revolting. Who even SAYS it tastes like bananas, anywho.)

So yeah. I reckon life can be puhretty amazing at times, and there's no way I'm going to miss out by NOT living it.

So there.

...AAAND, of course, part of the whole life being ahmazing thing stems from joining the NJ canoeing team.
Yeah, it's been tough at times.
Yeah, it still is.
Yeah, it probably will be for the next four years.

But sometimes (though at times I DO hate to admit it); tough love is what teaches you the most- and joining this team has helped me in some very personal ways. At times, when I'm rowing, I just space out and wonder, "Why am I doing this?!".
But then someone behind me shouts "All the way!" and I hear the cries of canoeists echoing up and down the churning waters, and I see the team I'm fighting for;

and then I know why I'm doing this,
why I have been doing this,
why I don't think I can stop doing this.

(And sometimes this team
takes my breath away.)

[/endinspirationalrant]

...I DID IT! :] I was deep and meaningful (I hope!) without being emofied, and that's a good thing.
Keep up the good work, Cara. *pats back*

Oh, ANDAND! My maid said that on her way to fetch me, she saw two people doing the vertical limbo by a certain roadside. :/
(...And for the poor naive souls who have no idea what vertical limbo is- here's an idea for you- Google "birds and bees" and see what- ahem- enlightening results you come up with.)

(...DISCLAIMER: BUT I AM SO NOT RESPONSIBLE IF THE CAUSE OF YOUR SUBSEQUENT LOSS OF NAIVETY RESULTS FROM GOOGLING "BIRDS AND BEES" OKAY.)

But ew. Honestly.
Doing it out in the open?!

Get a room, people, get a room.

Yeeeeah, room.
You know- those little boxy things you put all your worldly possessions in; and, uh, LIVE in.
...A R-O-O-M.

OR AT LEAST GET A FRIGGIN' BUSH!!!

Lesson to be learnt here, kiddos: BUSHES ARE NOT EXPENSIVE.
And they can save you the humiliation of being thwacked out in the blogosphere and asked to "GET A FRIGGIN' BUSH!!!" by some awesome little girls.

(Yeah, B-U-S-H.

You know, those things guys use for toilets.)

<3

2007-03-31T18:06:00.000+08:00

"Hi, can I have a greasy long fringe with supersized fries, extra cheese, and a large Emo Millkshake, please?"
-------

EMO IS OVER. YOU CAN ALL GO HOME NOW.

Okay, so I've decided-- ENOUGH with all the emo vibes already! (Soooo last season.)
I shall swear off emo for the next week. (or less.)

I swear, someone has been spiking my waterbottle with crack or something, because dahyum I've been ridiculously moodswinging. Like a monkey on a branch, hahahaaa.
Like a chunky monkey on a ranch branch.
(I'm not making much sense, am I.)

THE POINT IS.
Someone's been spiking my water!
Don't lie, Justin.
I KNOW you've been doing it, 'coz you don't want to end up as wildcat chow!

...So yeah. I don't really have anything of particular significance to say, but who cares, as long as this post doesn't turn out all weepy-like.

So today, this is what happened.
1. I went out. I kickboxed. I kicked ass.
2. I got my Nature's Valley fix.
3. I fell in love.
4. I fell out of love.
5. I got married and had seven children and disappeared in a poofy purple cloud of sublimat...ed(?) atoms.

...Kay, that didn't REALLY happen.
I did kick ass, though.
Which was purely an accident.
I swear, I never saw the formidable bulk of that lady's behind in front of me; and how was I supposed to know she would get in the way just when I was executing a roundhouse kick?

And I DID fall in love-- with Channing Tatum's picture on one of the magazines in the stand.
And then ten seconds later I remembered that he was bi, and promptly fell out of love again.

And no, I didn't get married (to, like, who, exactly. My iPod? ...Please, he's underaged.) and I'd die before having seven children, my ambition isn't to become the Old Woman Who Lives In A Shoe or whatever-she's-called and I'm much too awesome to disappear into something as eeny as a cloud of purple dots.

Please, I'm above that, thanks.

... Also, my M&I group would fully kill me if I upped and married and ran away, because apparently today I'm supposed to meet them online to finalize our project on Appeal To Authority, Argument ad Verecundiam.

Pfeeeet.
I'm not sure when I sound more like an aging hippie on expired drugs- when I'm rambling like this, or when I'm being emo and oh-how-trashed-our-world-is (!).

But for now I'm choosing to be rambly like this, so HA, you can't do anything about it!
(*cackle!*)

...Unless, of course, you choose to close down your Internet browser window.
In which case I will be thoroughly disgusted with you, and will soon go on a miniature Cara rally and I will picket around your house and accuse you of violating all Awesomeness Rights and I will throw blue cheese through your windows and put mayonnaise in your bathtub.

And if you don't have a bathtub, then that's even better- I'll plug the entire jar into your showerhead.

...Brings a whole new meaning to the phrase "greasy hair", no?

Also. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate the show Ed, Edd, And Eddy?
I'm forced to watch it every single morning (without fail!) while I'm doing my daily treadmill run, while my brother waits for his schoolbus to come.
Apparently, he finds it absolutely neccessary to fill up his waiting-for-schoolbus time by watching lameass shows about people who don't exist.

(Although I'm in love with someone who doesn't exist.
...But then again, he's a CULLEN, and beautiful, and the hottest ever, so that doesn't count.)

But seriously.
Ed, Edd And Eddy? Give me a break- it's just a show about a bunch of retards running around and spasticating their pathetic teenage lives away.
If I wanted to watch that kinduv trash, all I'd have to do is to step outside into Cineleisure/Heeren/randomteenagehangout.
And I wouldn't even have to pay the cable television fee.

...Now, before all of you rush down on me with an almighty roar of "...DISCRIMINATION AGAINST YOUR OWN GENERATION!"; let me first make this disclaimer:

EVERYONE WHO READS MY BLOG IS BEAUTIFUL AND THOROUGHLY AWESOME (...awesomeness does rub off, y'see), AND THEREFORE THOROUGHLY UN-ED, EDD, AND EDDY LIKE.

And Ting, if you're still up on it, I'll take up your offer on the whole bungee jumping shizz.
But I hope you know that PEOPLE ACTUALLY BUNGEE JUMP WITH SAFETY CORDS ATTACHED, and therefore the possibility of you actually opening your head against a bunch of sharp rocks is, like, oh, I don't know- in the zeroth percentile?
But yes, darling. If YOU jump, I'll jump too.

Just please don't jump from a cliff or something.
Let's jump somewhere safer.
Like jump rope together, or something. Or jump for joy. Or Jump N' Jiggle.
Or let's go on the Flabelos together, which I highly doubt actually works- because where's the fat supposed to go after you jiggle it off? Does it just jiggle off all of one's jiggly bits?
And even if it does- then what then? Does it magically diffuse into the air or summat? Is there something I don't know, here?

...But I digress.
Let's just have fun, whee, let's go horseback riding and burn (open quote) "300 calories an hour!" (end quote), although technically I don't know how one's supposed to burn calories while riding a horse.
I mean, doesn't the horse do all the work?
It doesn't seem right that WE should burn 300 calories in an hour. I mean- it's not as if WE'RE the ones galloping around the field/meadow/racetrack and neighing and garrumphing and swishing our tails. [...if you happen to be one of the select few who actually DO, though, then you are in serious need of help and I recommend seeking out your friendly neighbourhood psychologist.]

[...Although then again, you might want to see an animal behaviourist instead.]

---

Aight, that should do the trick.
EMO, BE GONE.

EMOBEGONE EMOBEGONE EMOBEGONE EMOBEGOHHHHHHHNE.

(I think that should do the trick.)

Chin up, lovelies!
Stay strong, smile on the inside (and, if you're extra happy, on the outside, too!);
and children, REMEMBER.

...Never talk to strangers.

Especially strangers in dark eyeliner in tight black band t-shirts and tapered pants and who say strange things like, "...I'm actually hurting inside. I hurt so much inside." and "...my heart is broken but it's okay, I'm fine, you don't care anyway, nobody cares, I'm all alone woe is meeee."

<3

2007-03-30T22:12:00.000+08:00

And we wake up in the breakdom
Of the things we ~~never thought~~ we could be.
------

I've decided that one of these days, I am going to pack a bag, hop on a bus; and fly far, far away to the little cafe in my dreams, where I will order a long black (no milk, no sugar) and blur into a corner, where I will watch people as they pass by (woman in a powersuit, girl in black eyeliner and dark jeans, boy with a purple mohawk) and scribble abstract poetry; and for those few hours or so,

I will find myself again.

...Things these days are improving. I find I've been getting tired more regularly through classes- but that's probably just because I've been running every morning.
...Still, I don't numb myself to the things I used to, and that's a start.

Jean and I, though, have come to a rather startling (and rather sad) theory/conclusion about _________ (I'm not playing Hangman), and hey- here's something going out to you:

You can't even cry, can you? Something has been taken away from you.
You're numb, and you know what?
I think you're grateful for it.
No wonder you're afraid of ending up alone.
Because the day you are, you're going to have to look inside yourself, and see what I've known for a long time.
There's nothing there.

...Dawson's Creek speaks the truth, and although life does seem prettier in the movies;
I reckon I'm happy where I am right now.

Especially since I'm surrounded by tigresses/tigers and cottens (cat-otter-swan) and warthogs and owls and beavers and mountain goats and baboons and porpupines and badgers/otters. :]

And for the record- I'm a PESCATARIAN wildcat, which means no go to eating owls for breakfast.
No worries, you poor widdle herbivores.
I prefer Cheerios.

...Speaking of friends- I've been scrolling around people's blogs, trying to figure out if I'm on their 25 Things list, which I probably am for a coupluv them- and, if so, which one's mine. :/
I'm going to quote something Kat said for her 25 Things here, since it happened to strike me...

"Hide your more hurtful feelings better. People always prefer a pretty glittery mask."

...Oh, darlings, when did we become so jaded?
When did we become so cold and when have we hurt this much and when have we started building our little grey walls?

I'm not quite sure which one I detest more- people hiding their feelings, or people showing them openly.
I'm not quite sure which one I like more, either.

And sometimes I turn on my iPod and listen to songs about girls who crumble behind their beautiful masks of steel and it makes me cry, because I've realized that
we have forgotten how to feel.

...And if anybody's hurting... I'm taking another approach and asking you not to put on a mask.
Loveliness and glitter only shine for that one Opening Night.
Take it to Him, take it to your friends, take it to those who care about you;
because we love you and we don't want you to hurt, we know that you lie on your bed at nights, sleepless and wide awake and terrified of the thoughts that crowd your head, and we know how you scream into your pillow and cry into your sheets

and oh, we want you to stop hurting.

Also, if ever I fall in love-
I want to fall in love with a person, not a mask.
I want to fall in love with a heart, and not an actor.
And I want it to be REAL, and not just a prologue.

So darlings- take off your masks and stop pretending, stop acting, it's okay- let's stop romanticizing here.

Because in real life, there's nothing pretty about a broken mask;

and it's getting harder to tell who the men and the monsters are.

2007-03-27T22:09:00.000+08:00

It's a city traffic puzzle, it's a scheme, it's
exactly what you need to kill your recurring dreams.
----

Training today was good.
Direction improved- definitely more room for improvement- but at least my T1 didn't go completely haywire...and I can feel my technique slowly improving, too.

Which makes me happy. :D

I did a quiz! On www.animalinyou.com! Which Roy showed me before! And which I have DONE before! And my results? ...I was a swan.

Ash: "...HAHAHAHAHAHA a swan? So you laze and float around?"
Me: "Yea-uh; and I eat bread that little kiddies throw to me. ...Yay me."
Ash: "HAHAHAHA shall I throw you bread tomorrow?"

I retook it, though, since it's been a few months- and apparently, I've changed. I'm a wildcat now. [Cue Troy Bolton: GO WILDCATS!]

Wildcat personalities do not differ substantially from their domestic cousins Felis Domesiticus and exhibit the aloof behavior that is common to all felines. With their well-deserved reputations as creatures of comfort, wildcats jealously guard their independence while indulging in the finer things in life. Attractive, solitary, creative, and curious, these individuals are quite happy to observe the world from a distance.

The wildcat would never take a conventional route, preferring to explore life from off the beaten track -- relying heavily on its instincts and powers of observation to guide it safely through the jungle. Its air of indifference and need for privacy keeps it on the outskirts of society, but its love for comfort always brings it back

The wildcat differs from its lion relatives in its approach to its social structure. With an aversion to the complex family organization of the lion, the wildcat finds freedom and self-indulgence to be far more compelling. So as a natural explorer, it disdains staying in one place for long, preferring the freedom of solitary roaming. in exotic locales. This wanderlust makes it ideal for a career as a travel agent, explorer, mountain climber, researcher or writer.

It's difficult to really know cats. Although they make little attempt to disguise their emotions, their communication style is somewhat abstract. They readily display their disgust and boredom as it stalk off to spend solitary time sulking. Usually however, they return to the place that offers them security and creature comforts. Close alliances are formed with others that share their eremitic and wandering ways. Horse and deer, and tiger personalities are good candidates as soul mates, while gorillas provide them with much appreciated security.

Wildcats are also incorrigible flirts and their feline mannerisms are attractive to members of the opposite sex. As a result, wildcats almost always get what they want -- plenty of pampering without the nuisance of a long-term mate. And making love to one is more than just a lot of hissing and scratching, for it is a curious lover whose tendency to get lost in the moment guarantees an unpredictable encounter.

Because of the wildcat's tendency to protect its independence, it can be difficult to get it to talk about personal issues. But when it comes to matters of the world, the wildcat loves a challenging debate. It is thoughtful and insightful on neutral themes, but when things get personal . . . logic flies out the window with the cat close on its heels.

...I censored off the- ahem- unneccessary bits.

I found out that Maxy's a tiger, as is Ash.
Qinrui's an owl. XD I might have guessed.
And Justin- dear, dear Justin. He's a BEAVER!

I almost died. o_O

Isn't my blog fun. You can get manymany intuhresting things to clutter up your pretty minds with.

So go. Do the Animal In You quiz, and tag your animal; and post your results on your blog!

[Rah Justin. Watch out. I'm gunna EAT YOU.]

<3 Ta luvs.

2007-03-24T16:35:00.000+08:00

you're falling but hang on, hang on
tonight the stars will make you feel alive.
-----
Today we have taken paths we never thought we would be made to go down.

For the people who were there...yeah, it's obvious what I'm talking about.
And for the uninitiated- it's okay, it won't hurt you not to know what I'm talking about, it's not the end of the world.

It hurts, don't you know?

It hurts because I tried today, I swear I did. (although you probably didn't see it,) I pushed myself today, although it still feels like I'll never be good enough,
and somewhere in the blurring background;
sirens of

There is no such thing as best-
there is only better, and better, and better!

they raised urgent voices (traffic city puzzle, pedestrian on the highway) and I
realized what we were fighting for, what we fight for, have been fighting for all along.

And I reckon it's funny how you think some things will never change,
will always be there for you, will always be constant
but then you see D-E-A-D E-N-D in block letters and no,
you won't be sleeping tonight
whistle: S-T-O-P

...then again, I've never let dead-ends stop me;

if you say so, though,

we will have to.

(but please believe me,
we have given our hearts.)

2007-03-23T21:56:00.000+08:00

"...We're brought up to fear what we're not." - Vivian, Blood And Chocolate.
----

...I think that quote'll stay with me for a long, long time now.

I'm no film critic; but to put in my two cents' worth- I WILL say that yes, Blood And Chocolate is worth watching if

a) You go balls whenever you see the LotR trilogy ad playing for the 2347436th time on Channel 5.
b) You read fantasy.
c) You write fantasy.
d) You go ballsy over anything vaguely fantasyesque. ["Omg I think that butterfly's actually a fairy in disguise! (!!!) "]
e) Your friends know better than to let you walk past a Comicsmart shop unattended.
f) It is your honest opinion that the Legislative Council should be changed to the Legolas Council.

...And I qualify for all 6, wooyeah, go me. :D

Blood And Chocolate was beautiful. I was worried it might turn out to be some cheap horror flick at first- but after the first few minutes in the cinema with Maxy and Ting; I totally fell in love with it.

The werewolves were beautiful.
They were wild and beautiful and dangerous- chillingly so, and there's something distinctly wolven in the way they move.
...Fluid, maybe; almost lynx-like.

And during the chase- golly.
It's spine-chilling, the way they lose themselves in the sheer beauty of the chase...how they throw themselves, with reckless abandon, into the dangerous arms of raw, primal joy. Watching them leap over rocks and trees, fangs bared, sinewy limbs poised for the attack-- it's lovely, at the same time that it's terrifying.

It reminded me of a Bacchus-like orgy. The art of losing yourself; of hurling yourself into that whirlwind of primal, untamed, dangerous glory-- when the only danger (a real one, too) is not being able to find yourself again- to be sucked into a nightmarish vortex of heightened passion and hatred and the sheer joy of the Hunt.

...I'm writing funny tonight. o_O
*potters outside to check*

...Aaand no, it's not the full moon. On the contrary, there's NO moon tonight. :/

Which may explain why I'm feeling so strange. I miss the moon. I miss knowing it's there.

"...We are brought up to fear what we're not."
So, so true.

We've been brought up to fear the unknown- to spurn what we cannot provide a logical reason for (Science solves everything, doesn't it?) and we hunt down and kill what we cannot explain, cannot understand, cannot accept.

...Don't take this personally, but I- for one- find that pathetic.

When're we all going to realize that we've all got magic deep in us- deep, deep in us-- and if we spurn it and hunt it down with our witty words and clever logic-- we're killing part of ourselves?

2007-03-17T19:21:00.000+08:00

"It comes in waves.
There's a lull, and then another wave hits you.
I just wanted you to know that it's okay to not be fine sometimes."
-Grey's Anatomy
-----------

I found something which I think I'll try; and if you guys are interested, go ahead and give it a shot, too. It's a personal choice, really, so I'll leave it up to you; although it'd be interesting if you DID give it a try.

Think of 25 people, and leave them a message. Don't specify which message is directed to who- just keep it anonymous, but do say the things you've always wanted to say to them; but have not been able to- or may never be able to- say.

1. I will not believe what they're saying about you. I know you're deeper than that, greater than that, stronger than that. You have two sides- show them the one that I see.

2. I'm not perfect, but you're more wonderful than you choose to believe.

3. Dear, your mask is cracking.

4. One of my greatest regrets is that I never got to apologize before you died, but it hurts to know that you were hurting so bad and you didn't tell me, you could have told me and I would have made it all better; why did you have to go?
I love you, I miss you, and I hope you're in a better place.

5. Sometimes you get under my skin, but other times I feel you know me so well- it's like you're IN my skin. You know so much about me, although you don't show it. You're amazing, and one day you'll find the love you don't think you need.

6. And occasionally I wonder if you've learnt to love yourself.

7. I love you all, and thank you from bringing me back from the edge.

8. I don't think you remember me but I remember your eyes.
[...but your one-liners, they felt recycled.]

9. You're a insecure wannabe who takes joy in putting other people down; and I hope that one day you'll find happiness. REAL happiness.

10. ... You've changed so much. I don't know you any more.

11. And it was a painful thing that brought us so close together. We were strong, but we were weak then and didn't know it and we are stronger now.

12. I don't know if you know me. I don't know if you want to.

13. Darling, you're a prime specimen of a destructive kind of laughter.

14. I know it's mean of me to feel this way about you. I can't help it, though. Easy, steady, hold your horses. You're too eager and I'm just a little bit scared of what I could do to you.

15. Remember our world? We made it up lived it out lived it up and you know it won't ever really leave you.

16. You. Are. A. Delusioned. Young. Soul.

17. I didn't really appreciate you at first. I didn't really know you at first. But now I see how wonderful you are, and how sweet the heart that's in you is; and I hope one day you will find someone who will love you for the angel you are.

18. I want to get up the guts to ask you--

19. I don't love you, but I love what you stand for.
[And I am fighting so hard for it.]

20. ...Come and find me, I've been turning so cold.

...Emo stuff, but good stuff.
I needed to get some of that off my chest.

*deep breath*

I think I need Happy Pills.

Sugar doesn't help, I've tried my Nature's Valley Apple Crisp granola bars [<3!] but they don't help, they just make me hungry for more. :D

DICTIONARY OF SIMILAR SOUNDING WORDS WHICH MIGHT (MAYBE) MAKE CARA HAPPY AGAIN:
[AND DEFINITIONS AND SENTENCES THAT DEMONSTRATE HOW TO USE THEM.]
Happy Pills = ungettable attable.
Nappy = gross. 'nuff said.
Frappy = Frappuchinos! [but too much sugar.]
Lappy = No thank you, this affliction will not be afflicted by sitting on somebody's lappy.
Cappy= No thank you, canoeists aren't supposed to eat at CAPpy.
Mappy= I'm not lost.
Zappy= Owch.

[This is pointless.]

Lately I've been feeling so hazy.
And while it hasn't quite progressed to feeling numb yet, I know I'll be getting there if this continues.
It isn't a good feeling, either. It feels as if the only thing that can help dull this is music, my tourniquet my anti-drug my addiction my angel.

[And Ash if you steal my iPod I will thwack you over the shorn mohawked head with my paddle.]

I NEED SOME EXCITEMENT IN MY LIFE.
I NEED SOMETHING TO HELP ME FEEL REAL.
I NEED MORE THAN THIS HAZE THIS MIST THIS CONSTANT BLUR OF GREY. [...maybe it's just seconddayofschool trauma from seeing a whole grey sea of NJ uniforms again.]

AAAAHH.
*dies of moody-post overdosage*
*spasms*

Oh hurry up and do the 25 Things You Want To Say thingamajig already, then at least I'll have something to read and overanalyse and amuse myself with.

<3

2007-03-17T18:44:00.000+08:00

Yesterday is a wrinkle in your forehead
Yesterday is a ~~promise~~ that you've broken
Don't close your eyes;
Don't close your eyes;
This is your life.
Are you who you want to be?
--------

"In the warrior's code, there is no surrender. Although the body says no, the spirit says never."

...God knows I tried.
Everyone keeps telling me that it's okay, they're older than you; it's okay, they're all national canoeists anyway; it's okay, it's okay... but it's not. It's not okay.

What does it matter who they are, or how much seniority they hold, anyway?
I can't choose my opponents- life doesn't work that way.

I've found a quote that expresses almost exactly what I feel, and here it is:

I'm no fighter, but I'm fighting
This whole world seems uninviting
But I won't give up, no, I won't ever give up
I fall down sometimes, but I'll come back flying.

Every drop of blood- I can do this.
WE can do this; and well done, to everyone who rowed their hearts out today.

On a lighter [but p'raps more intense] note; the dragonboat races today were quite an experience. I participated in the Women's Open, and the Mixed (B) Open; with the B Div girls and supersenior girls, and the Mountbatten Dragonboat Team respectively.

By "quite an experience", I mean quite an experience.
The water was churning, and it flew into my eyes and made them sting so bad I couldn't see; so I had no choice but to close my eyes and row, to the beat of the drummer.
Which, apparently, worked quite well.
Everything intensifies, so I've noticed, when you close your eyes.

When I closed my eyes, I was able to focus on plunging my paddle in through the water, through the pain; and the beat of the drummer was our anthem; and I could hear the heavy breathing of my teammates, and their snarls and cries of, "Come on, we can do this!"

And I felt complete; and all I was thinking of was, "C'mon, row to wake up the dragon."

And it worked, and we did it; and we got 3rd for the first race; and narrowly missed getting 1st place [by a few seconds, dammit.] for the second race; and we're having a rapid charge tomorrow to confirm which teams'll be heading into the semi-finals.

I'm tired, so I'll head off now.

Every drop of blood.

<3

2007-03-15T20:31:00.000+08:00

because you're stronger than you're letting yourself be.
----

I'm back.

This is going to be on the short side, since I'm zonked from canoeing camp and the showerhead's screaming: CARA, WE HAVE HOT WATER!

...Sometimes things just come at you, and you have to take them on and battle right through them.
And then those things blur into a haze of pain and sweat and countless thinkings of, "I can't do this", but you push on anyway and it hurts so bad; you wish something- anything- would happen and put you out of your pain, but you push on, and you feel yourself becoming part of the pain itself, and it hurts, and it hurts, but you go on anyway.

And it feels like you're drowning- like everything's rushing down on you all at once, and the perspiration (tears? water?) in your eyes make it hard to see, and your lungs feel as if they're about to collapse, and everything hurts and then in a matter of seconds, it's all over.

I have realized that if I don't have a certain something-
- I don't feel real.

I need it to feel alive; and my gosh, it does blow- majorly so- to know that I could have become so dependent on something so trivial;

- But then again, we're all looking for something that takes away the pain.

And this secret is mine, and mine alone; and although sometimes it hurts so bad;
I nod and admit dependance.

...Am I making sense?

...I didn't think so.

Ah, well. I love you, lovelies. If you've read this far, I think you're even lovelier.

...And before I say anything else strange, I probably should go.

<3

2007-03-09T22:49:00.000+08:00

and you're shining like the brightest star,
a transmission of the midnight radio, and
you're spining like a ballerina dancing to
your rock and roll music.
----

BECAUSE WE CAN.

...Road Run t'day was neat. Heads up, y'all- WE SURVIVED IT.
Booyeahhhh.

...I came in 4th. Which is okay, I suppose; although Road Running felt strange without all the other canoeists. :/ I miss them, honest I do.

Ohwell. Thankyewww to everyone who congratulated me and all- you guys are the shizz! <3 I know I can always depend on you guys to make my day, so here's a shoutout to the girlies who rock my canoe.

After the Road Run; Maxy, Ting and I crushed cans for what seemed like forever. We had to go around grabbing cans from the bins and all (for canoeing); and after that, I saw the uncle going around and poking around in the dustbins, with this "...Where did all the cans go?" expression.

Which made me laugh. And then I tucked my big box of cans under my arm and hurried away to go crush 'em. XD

J'adore my new camera.
It's PINK! ...Which, yes, isn't zackly a Cara-esque colour; but who cares. Cara never really wears colours anyways. Cara wears black.
I brought it out, and Maxy & Ting & I went to Cine for Subwayyyyyeeee. :] Before that, we camwhored around for quite a bit while waiting for the bus. And then we moseyed around and had a good dose of girltalk, and yeah. I was happy. :] Although, technically, I didn't really get anything. Except for Subway, and Neos, and taxi fares, which rose to a shocking amount. :[ But ohwell.
I realize that sepia photos make everything look pretty. <3
Sepia photos bring out the light in your eyes and the porcelain of your skin and smiles always look sweeter in sepia tones. <3 Don't ask me why- that's just my theory.

I was talking with Maxy and Ting...and we all agree that life would be so much better with a soundtrack to it. I reckon that a big part of the reason why people're attracted to Dance is that there's music to it.
Music makes everything beautiful, everything perfect, everything pure...and even if what you're doing isn't completely flawless, music turns the flaws into something lovely.

(Am I making sense?)

I think a world without music'd be horrible. I wouldn't want to live in a world without music; because a world without music is a world without inspiration is a world without beauty is a world without life.

Music cleanses everything and makes it beautiful. Even the saddest things, and the most broken people, can be made beautiful through music and in it.

Maxy says my theme song should be "She's A Rebel", by Green Day. :] I love that song. I dunno if it's really my theme song, though. I mean, like.

Ren Jean says that my theme song should be some One Tree Hillesque thing. Thang, on the other hand, says that I remind him of You Raise Me Up, by Josh Groban; and Snow Patrol's Chasing Cars. [so overplayed, but so awesome!]

And as for me? ...I genuinely have no idea. Whadya all reckon?

I love music.

And yes, I DO wish life had a soundtrack to it.

<3

P.S, I'm leaving for a holiday early tomorrow morning. Stay safe, chins up, and I love y'all.

2007-03-07T22:22:00.000+08:00

You dream of colours that have ~~never~~ been made,
you imagine songs that have never been played;
they will try to buy you and your mind, for
only the curious have something to find.
----

ASSESSMENT WEEK: [STATUS] FINITO.

Went out with Maxy and Bryan and his friend Reuben to Queensway today,
and although some parts were disappointing-
- IT WAS A BLAST. :D

I've realized that Bryan speaks with a drawl. Bryan, you speak with a drawl!
And you were writhing away and Reuben was half holding you back and half propping you up and you were just slurring, "You never paid my busfare! You never paid my busfare!" and you sounded [and looked] so drunk, I'm surprised a Narcotics officer didn't approach you and ask for ID. XD

And then we got to Queensway, and went to the jacket shop.

Uncle 1: ...What you want printed on the jacket sleeve arh?
Me: Oh, um. "Every drop of blood."
Uncle 1: *obviously needs a good ear-digging* ...Every touch what?
Me: Every drop of blood.
Uncle 2: *saunters in* ...What they want to print on the sleeve arh?
Uncle 1: ...They want to print "Every drop must work." No work, no money what.
Uncle 2: Ohhh.
Me, Maxy, and Bryan: o_O

Then Bryan and Reuben started Brokebacking around, and we got SO HIGH. {Champagne Supernova in the sky!}

Aaaand then Maxy and I got disappointed [for a reason] and Bryan and Reuben took the Brokeback Express home, and Maxy and I took the Emo Route around Queensway for, like, two hours.
And I got a puhretty red babydoll dress. <3 And leggings.
And then I felt better.

Maxy and I ate at Subway, [Up till then, Maxy was a Subway virgin!] and then we went around being random, and then we headed to the busstop and waited half an hour for bus 61. The carbon monoxide fumes must have penetrated our grey matter, 'cuz after a while we got incredibly lame. Read the following conversation out ALOUD. It's probably the only way you'll get it.

Maxy: Haha, a new swear word! Oh SEET!
Cara: *snickers* ...aaand Thang it.
Cara: How about OUR names? ...Ohoh, " Do you CARAboutMAXINE?"
Maxy: We were Jiamin [jamming] in the hodelle [hotel], oh Seet. [oh *censored*]
Cara: If you capsize, you will be Szemin! [swimming.]
Maxy: *guffaws* If only we had a canoeing senior named Walter. Then we could say that "if you capsize, you will be Szemin in the Walter"! ...*guffaws again, evidently finds this very funny*
Cara: o_O
Maxy: Any other canoeists' names?
Cara: *breaks into song* ...The first Joel; the angels did Say (vier)! [Xavier]
Maxy: o_O
Cara: Oh Seet, Ai(ya)man, Thang you for Peixin with me.
Both: ...o_O *burst into manic giggles*

HAHAHAHAAAAAAA.
And then Maxy and I went home. To MY place, that is...

Both: *walk through deserted garage*
Maxy: I still remember when we were so freaked out by the shadows on your neighbour's wall.
Cara: Hahahaaaa yeah.

[windmill beside us mysteriously starts to creak]

Both: *jump* ...AAAH.

Cara: It was just the windmill. Ahahaaaaa. *snickers*

[...Suddenly a little furry brown thing appears in the darkness!]

Both: 0_0 AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! *leap about a foot up in the air*

...LOL. It was my fuzzy wuzzy dogggggehhhh. <3 We got scared by a cocker spaniel and a windmill! :D and then we showered, and talked to Qinrui [chin up, buddy :]] and Thang [we had our first PROPER conversation], and Maxy climbed over the locked gate and went home.

Nice day.
Tired.
Incapable of forming coherent sentences.
Primitive inclinations becoming obvious.

Night.

<3

2007-03-05T16:50:00.000+08:00

there are going to be times
when all you want to do
is lie down in the middle of the road
during rush hour.
-----

1. sank ship with, like, half the cohort when Maths rolled around.
2. rocked Bio's socks. [I hope.]
3. got high on Doctor Love and the Love Calculator with Maxy.
4. Mugging.
5. Mugging.
6. Mugging.
7. Mugging.
....
......
........
AAAND for a change, MORE mugging, wooyeah, kthx.

I crave Thursday, since technically everything'll be over by then.
I crave the holidayyyyys. Which, technically, have been eaten away by my family holiday [gyming! zomg yeahhhh.] and canoeing camp, and a speshul outing with the girlies. <3 ...Not forgetting the sinful I! *glees around* ...Though I haven't really had a craving for it lately. Haha, Qinrui can eat my share. *evil grinneth* And I shall sit there and watch him.

I feel like being emo now, but since I don't really have a valid reason to emo around, so ~~scrap that.~~

If I could just----
Maybe you would---

Boo. I don't even know what I'm typing any longer, this is pointless, HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHERYL, I'm gunna die for Dumb Ass. Week, help.

JOSHUA! Go [legally] download OK Go's "Invincible".
Haha. I was talking to *somebody* and s[he] said that it should be my theme song.
Booyeahhhh.

Hail me a Death Cab For Cutie on a Train trip that's 30 Seconds To Mars into a Super Massive Black Hole.

Garg.

<3

2007-03-01T17:56:00.000+08:00

The world is smaller than you think;
And people are more beautiful than you think.
----

MUGGING. :[
It's at times like these when I wonder [yes, yet againnn] what it'd have been like if we had upped and gone to Cupertino last November.
...The greatest problem on my mind would probably be something totally superficial like, "Omigosh, I wonder who he's dating?!" or "...She did whaaaaat?". NOT the horrors of Coordinate Geometry and Fluid Mosaic Model: definition- a fluid bilayer of phospholipids [with amphipathic nature], with proteins moving in it like icebergs in a sea.

...But then I come back down to Earth and decide that no, I am happy here.
It's where I belong, after all.

Yesterday's Drama session was fun, even if our class's play WAS ~~kinduv~~ really impromptu. I decided to impersonate a stoner/hippie/Aussie dude in the end, which was like, "...Duuuuuude. Loike, awesommmmmmmme. *stoned face goes here*"

I looked like a hippie on drugs. [Or does being a hippie automatically qualify you for being on drugs?]
I could see Bryan laughing his arse off in the front row.
How embarrassing.
...BUT HOW FUN. :] I enjoyed myself muchly, even though my rep's probably been stained for life. >.<

Today was subzero.
I kid you not; I was freezing. My blood was crystallizing as it was, I swear.
I shouldn't have run in the rain in the morning, I know. [Cue Maxy: CARA! Wait until you fall sick then cannot take exams arh!]
...But I couldn't resist, it was lovely, and I'd never want to run in the sun if I could run in the rain instead.

But then the rain suddenly got heavier and I had to stop running and go towel off, lest I go into class smelling of Wet Red Track and Eau De Wet Canoeist.

...Thankyew Thang for lending me your jacket, I'm much indebted to you kthx.
You're not that evil after all! Ahahaha. Maybe you're right- I'M the evil one.
[But if I'm evil then it means it's in the genes, and you're evil too.]

And yesssss, Seet- the sinful I! ...Surprisingly, though, I haven't had any cravings for anything particularly sinful.

...But I DID, however, have a doubledecker triple chocolate chip banana sundae with lashings of cream on top and chocolate sprinkles the other day...

...JUST KIDDING.

Aha. I'd die before I ate that. [Death by lipids! *topples off chair and dies promptly*]

---

Kay, it's back to mugging now.
Oh gawsh. Maths...here I come. Fear meeeee.

<3

OH BUT WAIT.
Before I go.

Hold on when you feel like letting go,
Hold on; it gets better than you know.
Don't stop moving, you're one step closer;
Don't stop hoping; IT'S NOT OVER.
...Hold on.

[Normally I'd think Simple Plan's just a bunch of grownup whiner kids, but I have to admit that sometimes their lyrics DO make surprising sense.]

Keep holding on, everyone.

It all goes up from here.

<3

2007-02-26T19:49:00.000+08:00

I believe in memories;
they look so pretty when I sleep.
----

...You can kill me for the lack of updates; I know, I know, and I'm dreadfully sorry- I just haven't had time to update recently.
Especially since the fondly christened Ass Week [...you didn't hear it from me!] happens to be coming up. And after that, our "exciting and highly-anticipated" College Road Run.

Woohoo, what a wonderful world.

Today was fun, though. Incredibly boring at parts, but I survived it-- and I realized, while sitting in class, just how awesome ohfour is. :] We manage to make each laugh every day, without fail-- and it's amazing, really it is.
Today we discovered that Jean's scared stiff of wrists.

...Yeah, y'know those joints that your hands hang from?

Uh huh, those wrists.

She's so paranoid of wrists, my gosh. In fact, it got to THIS level:

Cara: ...*sneaks up behind Jean* ....WRIST.
Jean: 0_0 AAHHH!

Then I attempted to banish any aftereffects of Kat's Emo Hangover by wrapping a special prezzie for her and giving it to her and pretending that some mysterious uncute guy sent it to her. XD LOL. I'm sorry, luv, if you were disappointed. [But I told you he was uncute anyway, so your hopes probably weren't up.]
I AM AN AWESOME ACTRESS. :]]]] She believed me, totally, the darling!
And then like instructed on the wrapping, she opened it at home and realized it was un-uncute, untesteroney ME.

Applause.

...I hope she feels better now, though. <3 Oh, and speaking of Kat; ASH CALLED EDWARD CULLEN SATANIC AND DEMONIC!!!

...Blasphemerrrrrrrrrrr.

How could someone so perfect be demonic? ...It totally isn't his fault that he's a vampire, after all- he didn't go up to Carlisle and go, "Hey, you with the fangs. Bite me."

It just...happened. And thus his hotness was preserved from 1901 onwards and thousands of Cullen fangirls were blessed by his dropdeadgorgeousness; the operative being 'dead'. With 'gorgeous' running a close second.

...Kaushik called me a canoer today. So weirdddd.
Kaushik: So you're a canoer whattttt.
Cara: ...Canoeist.
Kaushik: That's what I said.
Cara: ...Canoeist.
Ash: Like, 'trackist'.
Kaushik: *obviously is immune to sarcasm* What's a trackist?
Cara: Someone who tracks down people.
Kaushik: Oh.

Andand!
Cara: ...My gawwsh, y'all are MCPs!
Kaushik: What's MCP?
Ash: ...Methodist Covenant Primary. (censored in case we get sued)'s name went there, you know.
Kaushik: *registers this information* ...You mean to MCP?
Ash: Yeah.
Cara: It's general knowledge, my gosh, you mean you didn't know?
Kaushik: No. *ponders* ...Whoa, I never knew he went there.
Cara: You didn't know he went to MCP?
Kaushik: No.
Cara: Gosh.

...And he believed me when I said that Maxy was my step-sister, too. XD Funnayyyye; and he makes me feel as if I'm terribly witty.

Next/nextnext week: Resolution Brown-Eyed Boy (?).

Grah.

Bear with me; I KNOW this skin's old and the music's old and I haven't been tagging people; but I swear I'll update EVERYTHING once exams are over.

<3

2007-02-23T21:15:00.000+08:00

because we're all searching for something
to take away the pain.
----

FINALLY I update; are y'all happy?
:D ...Kidding, I love you guys, really I do, I've just been really really busy.

So yeah. Updates on my life:
1.I've been appointed as the B Div Canoeing Captain, wooyeah. ...Along with Bryan, so s'all neat. :]
2. We got the MBTI Personality Test results back today. Apparently I'm an INFJ- seeking for meaning, insightful, likes control, committed to own personal values, yadda.
Most people seemed surprised that my results said I'm an Introvert. ...Everyone thought I'd be an Extrovert, ahaha.
I don't really mind, though. Heck, somedays I don't even know WHO I am.
3. I've been getting bullied by ze Evilestestest Older Brother On Earth. [*glares*] ...:D But we're both the shizz, so that's okay. I'm evil too, anyway.

Joshua still calls me the Wonder Woman.
At least he's cut a little slack for the whole Perfect Bitch thing.
Today it was, "Cara, why'd you drop out of Sky High?"

And I'm like.
"....*crickets*..."

He's nice though, and CHEER UP JOSH.
Chin up too, for my kandykoatedKat. <3 Emo's fine, but not as a lifestyle. [Don't let Ash brainwash you!]

btw, dollies.
RELINK.

http://wakeup.to/girlbythewindow

...Awesome redirect url, no?

Lovelove, and always more love.

<3

2007-02-17T19:36:00.000+08:00

what you feel is what you are;
and what you are is beautiful.
------

"My life is based on a true story, and I'll be damned if I don't get a Grammy."

... Doesn't everybody just adore family reunions?
I meet new members of my family every year. It's like cell division, really. V.interesting.

This year, I met whatshisname- Christopher, or summat?- at Aunty Happy's house... I think he's Maxy's NJ senior or summat like that; I remember thinking how cool his headphones were the other day. Those big, over the head kinds.
If I ever tried going out in public with headphones like that, I'd be booed out of the busstops.
But by the very virtue of the fact that the both of us were at Aunty Happy's house, I reckon we're probably related, someway or another. My paternal grandmother's probably related to, like, half of Singapore's population; so it wouldn't be all that big of a surprise if we DID turn out to be distant cousins or somethinglikethat.

...Anyway, so I met Lianne and San at Aunty Happy's house. [I think 'Happy' happens to be an incredibly cute name! ...Like, Happy Nicole Neo, or something.] We gossiped muchly, moaned over there being no Haagen Daz icecream this year, and San forgot to bring the chocolate that she promised to give me; so she gave me a CNY-themed chocolate she had snitched from the sweeties table.
Gee thankkkkks, San. I could have helped myself to, like, twenty of those? :P

Fortunately for me, my relatives aren't all that superstitious; 'else I'd have been chased out of every house we visited today.
I can't stand red. ...The only really red clothes I have are a) my NJC P.E attire, b) the National Day 06 shirt, and c) a red Nike halter top I could fit into when I was in primary school.

So guess what interesting new colour I wore today?!

...*snickers*

Ohoh and! I staged Part One of a cyber battle last night, with Ash.
TRACKER VS. CANOEIST, his spikes vs. my paddle.
Hohum, I do wonder who'd have won.

Ash: Mighty spikes of death!
Cara: ...Summoning the cruel waters of Macritchie Reservoir! *hops on one foot and does strange Arwen chant thing*
Ash: o_O I'm not even at Macritchie. HAHAHA.
Cara: ...*explains patiently* Which is why I have to summon the waters.

...See? I'm cleverererer, too. PLUS I can read people's minds; PLUS I have awesome icons! So HA, Ash. :]

It's a pity that practically all the shops outside are closed. ...The ONE occasion when I actually have time to go mosey 'round town, and everywhere outside's a ghosttown. The ONE occasion where I'm not actually broke, and none of the shops are opennnnnnnn.

Ohwell. Take life as it comes and goes, yeah?

Only I don't want my life to go just yet. It's the awesomeness, and I'm not finished living it up.

<3

2007-02-15T17:09:00.000+08:00

Codladh fada, codladh domhain.
Eirigh! Amharc sios, Aldebaran.
Siuil liom rid an realta dearg; Deireadh, deireadh an turas.
Realtod, realtog dearg.
----

Long sleep, deep sleep; rise! Look down, Aldebaran. Walk with me through the red stars; to the end, the end of the journey. Star, red star.

...Somehow that doesn't sound half as nice as it does in Irish Gaelic. :[

Elves don't do homework, I know [they have archery lessons, instead of having to learn about coordinate geometry and logarithims]; but this one has to.
I know, how terribly mortal. *snickers*
Still though, I've been playing Celtic music in the background as I've been working; and it's lovely. If only I was in Ireland! -with far, rolling fields and grey veiled hills and willows whispering like the lyrical praising of a hundred thousand forgotten elves...

...Sometimes I feel as if I should've been born a couple of centuries earlier. I find myself trying to relegate things of the NOW into things that were and have long since passed away; and I reckon I'd do much better in Module 101: The History Of Gondor; as compared to IS1102- Covalent, Ionic and Metallic Bonding in Atoms.

...Amin hiraetha; amin n'rangwa edanea.
Elvenesse; cormamin niuve tenna' ta elea lle au'.

If you want to know what that means...ask an Elf. Alternatively, you could ask me- but good luck with that, 'cuz I'm not telling what I said there.
...I'm just feeling mopey now. I can't say I'm feeling homesick; so I'll double up and say I'm mopey.

However. I love my Lothy and my Maxy and my Siren and Av and Cheryl and Shuuu and Clayton and evil Thang and all the beautiful people who frequent my inane yaddlings, kthx.

I'm off, to listen to Adiemus for the 12378978th time.

Im meleth nin. <3

2007-02-13T20:58:00.001+08:00

I strain my eyes and try to tell the difference
between shooting stars and satellites from the passenger seat;
"Do they collide?" I ask, and you smile, and
Saturn can wait; and the stereo, it dances between us.
----

"...Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do; than by the things you did."
...And that, coming from Mark Twain; thank you, Master Twain, brilliant answer- [did you hear that, class?] - you can take a seat now.

Twenty years from now, I probably won't remember today. ...Butttt right now, I'm feeling kinduv really dissatisfied with myself.
I took a K2 with Joseph/Heng Yang t'day; and oh gosh, I never knew it was so hard to balance properly.
...I mean, how difficult can it be to stay upright, right?

...Wrong. My balance was well and truly cringe-worthy [maybe I have a balance deficit gene!]; and although I made sure I was pulling long, hard strokes- that same sense of accomplishment just wasn't there.

Especially since we capsized oh, like, twice.
And as if that wasn't sad enough; I capped in a really lame way, too.

CAPSIZE 1:
Cara: *notices boat ahead of us making a neat turn* ...Hey, how come Emily's boat can turn so...

*SPLOOSH.*

CAPSIZE 2:
Cara: *climbs back into boat, by now absolutely sopping with reservoir water* ...Oh man, I'm sorry for capping! I promise I won't-

*SPLOOSH.*

...Oh gawww, could there possibly be a more unglam way to cap? Please, somebody thwack me over the head with a paddle.

A big thankyou and apology goes out to Joseph and, of course, our rescuers. ...I feel bad now since y'all had to do extra pushups 'cuz of the cap. ...I promise I'll do my fair share, though- just because I'm a junior doesn't mean I only have to do 50. I'll do 150 situps after this post; promise.

Annnyway. Moving on.
V.Day's tomorrow! :] Not, of course, that there's anything really speshul about it. I don't plan to celebrate V.Day that way, kthxverymuch. Tomorrow, though, I shall be the Merci [yes, I bought Merci chocolates!] fairy and go around sharing the love and chocolate kisses.

I've half a mind to ask a random body to be my booby Valentine. ...Not a real Valentine, naturally, after all- we all know Edward Cullen doesn't live in Singapore. ...I reckon it'd be fun to have a pretend Valentine, though. Just for teasing's sake.

I think I'll ask my teddy if he wants to be my Valentine.

...Oh wait. No, my iPod. 'Cuz if I ask Teddy then my iPod'll be jealous and then he might walk out on me and we all know I'd die without my music.

...Take care, m'loves. Ignore tomorrow if it happens to suck- after all, we all know it's just a cliched, commercialized Hallmark gimmick.
But if tomorrow happens to rock awesomely for you; then yay you and may you be blessed with manymany roses and chocolate cornflakes.

<3

2007-02-11T18:05:00.001+08:00

We, the people, fight for our existence;
We don't claim to be perfect, but we're free.
We dream our dreams alone, with no resistance;
Fading like the stars we wish to be.
----

My darhlin' big sister is worrying that I'm overworking myself.
How sweet, I feel extraordinarily loved. :] ... Still, it's not as if I actually have any control over how busy I am.
I can just imagine what the general reaction would be if I asked for a cutdown on trainings...and- surprise, surprise!- it would not be pretty.

I'm convinced that Van's a Maestro of words. She hit the nail right on its pretty, blue-eyed, dark-haired, football-playing head.
Mmyeah, Austin is deeeelectable. Even my sister agrees. [and she being a prepubescent cheerleader, that does count for a ton, y'know.] NOW I remember who he reminds me of. He looks almost eggsactly [if not more ahdorable] than Sean Faris. ...Go Google for pictures. Or alternatively, Youtube for "Sean Faris".
As a matter of fact, I'm getting my long overdue LAWKI [Life As We Know It!!!] fix right as I type this. ...And naturally, a Sean Faris/Austin fix goes along with that, too.

Dino: Hey, what if Ben's gay?
Jonathan: *snicker* ...Bengay.

Ben: [frustrated when all the girls are coming on to him when he's already attached to his Math teacher (I know. Ew.)] ...What am I, in season?

Who needs a vamp when you've got a quarterback, right?
[And Kat. I need your help, hun, to implement ze plannn!]
[...that is, if I really consider doing it. 'Cuz, after all, it might just backfire in my pretty face. :D]

...I kinduv [no, make that REAAAAALLY] miss my girls from 2G.
I mean- who wouldn't? They're awesome. Plus, I kinduv miss all the teasing about dark haired, green-eyed creatures. ;D
NJ's awesome, but sometimes it just isn't the same.
Which reminds me; the other day I slipped up again. I.E this is me, popping up in Serene, QL, Yan and Jean's face and squealing, " I love green hair and dark eyes!!"

...Mortifying. ...Dya reckon they have dating services for vegetables? I might consider hooking a suave piece of broccoli for my V.Day date, booyeah, that'd be hot.

And anon, btw. ...You might consider leaving your name- since it's already totally obvious who you are.
Oh, and yeah. I forgot to mention that I already know what you're thinking of telling me.
...Did I mention? I'm psychic.
[Psychic and wunnerful- could it possibly get any more unfair?!]

Speaking of strange...
...Now I'm wondering how different it'd be, if I was in America right now. [Which, just last year, was an imminent possibility.]
Let's see. I doubt I'd be in -what, Cupertino High School's canoeing team- ? I'd probably in, oh I dunno, the drama society or summat. Which is fine by me yeah; j'adore dramahhhhh.
Still, though, the canoeing team here has changed me. I can tell. [duh, after all, it IS myself that we're talking about here.] It's taught me to start loving myself and stop making excuses and just go all out.

...If I was in America AND the drama club- what could I learn? ... How to snag the role of Juliet [along with that mega hottie playing Romeo]? ...How to avoid the poor delusioned darhlin' trying t'get some?

...See what I mean? I'm glad I stayed.
Because I am happy here.

I have awesome friends, a terrific team, a supportive family, a rocking exercise regime and a century-old vampire.
[Well, not yet, for the latter. But I will soon, I swear!]

And besides. With Singapore having such a small population an' all- ONE less awesome person would make it that much less awesome.

<3

2007-02-09T23:43:00.000+08:00

Here I am,
You don't have to worry, I can see your tears
I'll be there in a hurry when you call
Friends are there to catch you when you fall
Here's my shoulder; you can lean on me.
----

...Sadly, if I try to fall now [like it says in the quote]; the only thing that's gunna catch me is- unfortunately- the floor.
...Aand maybe the corner of the computer desk, on my way down.

So that's a no-go, then.

I am dead tired.
We had ballgames for morning training, intensive-type ballgames for P.E; and then I rushed to canoeing training; and then rushedddddd to worship practice. And all the while my stomach was hurting awfully; 'cuz I had forgotten that I wouldn't have time to eat before canoeing, and I had only ingested fruits and a measly bottle of measly 100plus.
...Which lasted me 'til after ten at night; I had a light supper, but my stomach started protesting and hurting so much more because of the food, and then in the end I couldn't keep all of it down anyway. :/

[And yes, I know children are starving in Africa/Pakistan/India/countryofchoice here...but it's not as if I could help it, y'know. Try talking to your gut and just see if it actually listens to you!]

Training today was good, though. I took a K2 with Mr.Yong; which was freaky at first because I was already dead before training started, and I was wondering just how much MORE dead I could get. [predicted that I'd probably be undead by the time training ended]
Surprisingly, though; it turned out to be quite an accomplishment. It was my 2nd time on a K2, and Mr.Yong hadn't taken a K out for some time...but the both of us diddddddd it. :] It really helped raise my confidence in myself and my canoeing abilities(?) yeah, and when Mr.Yong commented that "if the juniors had been here today and had watched our boat; they would have learnt a lot about canoeing"...I dunno. It just made me feel like whacking everysingletrainingsession.

...Which, of course, is what I should do.
But that's besides the point- the point being that it was a rad learning curve for me, and I told Mr.Yong [when he commended me in the boat] that it was mainly 'cuz I have had such great seniors, so's. :] Thank you, seniors.

...And Austin.
I know y'all are dyyyying to hear about him. [the girls, in any case.]
Okay.
If you've watched "Yours, Mine, and Ours"; there's this dark-haired teenage guy [not Josh] who acts as the son of the dad. YOU KNOW. That dark-eyed, dark-haired hottie. [...the son, not the dad.]
...Now add a Brentwood High School football shirt to that, and blue eyes...and walla. Instant Austin.
We met when I was holidaying with my family in Phuket. He was playing pool in the Kids' Club with some random Irish doods; and then the hotel tennis coach goes, "Hey, Austin. Whydoncha teach this young lady how to play pool as well?"

And Austin looks at me, grins, and goes, "Yeah, 'kay."
So we play pool, and stuff... although technically, he was the only one playing the pool. I was just poking the stick around the green fluff and hitting all the balls I shouldn't hit.
And after a rather one-sided game of pool between us two [he ended up having to do most of my turns for me...against himself]; we decide to go mosey around the hotel.

...So yeah, we did. For an entire day. We talked and walked and played in the sea and drew sand-pictures; and he met my mum. [who, unfortunately, was having a beach massage at the time.]

I had my fair share of embarrassing moments, too. Like when we waded out of the sea eventually, and I discovered that my skirt WOULD insist on constantly riding downwards. Then I made him hold my handbag and he walked me back to the room so's I could change into cargos... we wait outside my room for aggggges, waiting for my parents to come back from the pool and unlock the door for us.
...Twenty minutes later, we discover that my entire family was inside all along and the door was already unlocked anyway. Slap me, please!

Mmyes. When it comes to Austin, it's terribly easy to get dazzled. Much like Bella and Edward, hee. ...Seriously, I was watching him talk [he was sitting with his back to the sun]; and I swear his eyes looked like the sky. Seriously, they were just THAT blue, and I'm dead jealous.

...I'm not sure if that answers all the questions about Austin. If not, I'll update more another time; and cross my fingers and hope he nevereverever stumbles upon this blog.

I'm off now, loves. I must hit the sack- training tomorrow. ...Le sharpintakeofbreath.

<3

2007-02-08T18:52:00.000+08:00

And I've learnt that it's okay to let yourself go;
as long as you can get yourself back.
----

I've noticed a particular trend in my posts.

They're getting more boring by the day. Urk. I'm being attacked by the Help-We-Have-Nothing-Worthwhile-To-Blog-About bug.

If YOU or any of your loved ones has shown symptoms of this deadly affliction, pick up the nearest phone and dial 1800-BITTEN-BY-THE-BUG immediately.

...So yeah. T'day Maxy, Jean and I went jogging in the morning. Apparently Gero says I'm sortuv like a junior IC for the IP1 canoeists, so that's neat...and I figured we all needta work on our fitness.
So it was into our jogging shorts for us, and onto the road.
We jogged from NJ to...Raffles Town Club, I think? Jean estimates we ran 7-8km, but I'm not so sure.
In any case, I'm happy. Exercise for today: COMPLETED.

It's strange how I can run a supposed 7km, and still be afraid of the 2.4 km practice during P.E [gah!] tomorrow.
It's weird how I can canoe 22 km during a marathon and still get zonked after a normal canoeing training.

Eerk.

Anyway, so yes. I had some free time today; so after homework, UNDER THE WATCHFUL EYES OF MY LITTLE BROTHER, I went online and started surfing ze big wild worldwide web. [Oooohhh.]
...Aaand I found Austin's name! It was on the Freshmen homepage for the Brentwood Bruins [his high school's football team], and his name was there. There wasn't any picture though, which kinduv really sucked.

Still, I needed that. ...Just to convince myself that he's real; that somewhere somehow he's living and breathing and going about his own terrific life; and that he wasn't a figment of my imagination.

Come to think of it- he reminds me of Edward.

[...Edward!!!]

And mhm, I'm not gunna yaddle on about his incredibly good looks ~~yet~~, but I do miss him.
Boo.
And I will never fully recover from the fact that he thought I only ever listen to cheesy HSM songs and Avril Lavigne songs and songs by The Veronicas. ...It totally wasn't my fault that I hadn't had time to upload ALL my songs onto my then-Zen.

But zomgawwwwww. Avril Lavignnnnnnnne. He probably thought I needed to get my ears syringed or something.
And it's not as if Sharpay's rendition of "What I've Been Looking For" portrays an extremely sophisticated image, either.

But still. I'll talk about him more, another time.

He's my own Edward. <3

[/edit]

...I've just realized how awfully taxing tomorrow's gunna be.
Want a breakdown of my incredibly easygoing day?

1. Morning training.
2. School starts.
3. P.E [...help!]
4. Canoeing training.
5. No time for dinner!
6. Worship practice.
7. Rush home before I get caught for staying out past the curfew or something.

...Dy'all reckon the pharmacy sells Wonder Woman pills?

<3

2007-02-06T17:29:00.000+08:00

I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow,
Watched stars crash down into the sea.
----

Sorry, loves, for the lack of updates. I've just been busy- and terribly so, too.

I never knew vampires could be so irresistable.

Jean and I were talking about the randomest things today, when the both of us went to get our passports done. I said she looks like the kind who'll marry some Aussie dude [tan and bleached hair!] and windsurf off into the sunset, tralala, and they lived happily ever after.
She said I look like the kind who'll date some kinduv punk rocker.

...Umm. Gee, thanks, I guess?

But no dudes with shaves and chains for me, thanks. Give me Edward and his Debussy any time.
[Although I'd probably have to wrestle him from the possessive(!) arms of Audd and Shu and, possibly, Van.]
Jean finds it eggstremely amusing that I'm obsessed with a century-old vampire.

I find it even more so, that she's obsessed with a prepubescent, 1.3 m tall anime character with big hair. :/
WHO HAS A FUNNY NAME LIKE HIS-SHOE-SOMETHINGOROTHER.

So there.

It's funny, though. Our class has taken to labelling different people as different kinds of mythological creatures.
As of now; we have
1. A siren [Kat. Who else, really?]
2. A centaur
3. A pixie
4. A martian
5. A fairy
6. An...Ent.
7. A leprechaun
8. A werewolf
9. A brownie. [Although Jean, after discovering that brownies apparently have flat faces with pinholes for nostrils and are also more commonly known by the flattering alias of 'household goblins', has been vehemently denying her Brownie heritage.]

...It gets a little more confusing when it comes to me, though.
Sometimes Kat says I look like a pirate, or an elf, or a piratey-elf; and other people say I look like an Elf; and today we had this strange conversation: [We were talking about sweet beverages.]

Qiu Lin: I taste nice!
Jean: I wonder how QL's blood tastes, yeah.
QL: ...It tastes sweeeeet.
Jean: You'd better be careful of Cara and Kat, they just might agree.
Silence.
Aaand then everyone turns and looks at me.
QL: Omigosh, look at Cara- her eyes...she looks like she's hungry for my blood.

Urk.
Was it THAT obvious, now?

[...Kidding.
Fortunately.]

Ohgosh, and now it's back to the mundanity of MUGGING! for me.

Too bad for QL, though.
I don't drink leprechauns' blood.

<3

2007-02-02T22:46:00.000+08:00

darling dear;
who cares what they say?
----

I'm about to fall asleep on the keyboard, so this shall be short and succint.

Yes, hunnehs; I'm alive, I'm well, I've got a job and I'm doing fine. No, I haven't died off yet- so you can stop eyeing my iPod.
Because he's mine.

Today I felt awful at one point.
Mhm. That feeling; hello, old friend.
The kind of feeling where you just put down your head and crack, just a little; but barely enough for anyone to notice.
And then you blink back the despair, look up, smile; and the world will never notice that you're a little worse for wear.

...Works every time.

...Meh. Yes, you should be able to tell by now that I've been hit by the LATE NIGHT BLUES. [not to be confused with the PMS blues]- and gaw I AM DEAD TIRED.
I have no momentum to continue typing randomly, hoho.
Friction is overcoming(!) me.
I shall move back into my natural state: rest and into a state of inertia, oh glee.

I hope I dream tonight. I hope I remember my dreams tonight.

It gets lonely without them.

<3

2007-01-30T14:59:00.000+08:00

"And so the Lion fell in love with the Lamb."
-Edward Cullen.
---

Egad, I'm in love with a vampire.

Why is life so unfair?

[And yes, I know I shouldn't post so soon after posting just yesterday; but I couldn't resist- I NEED to rant. Butbut if you haven't read my previous post...SCROLL DOWN AND READ IT!]

[Or else I'll bite you.]

...Anyone has a vampiric exboyfriend they're willing to palm off? ...Even better still if he has dark hair, everchanging eyes and goes by the name of Edward Cullen.

"I know that at some point, something I tell you or something you see is going to be too much. And then you'll run away from me, screaming as you go.
I won't stop you.
I want this to happen, because I want you to be safe.
And yet, I want to be with you.
The two desires are impossible to reconcile..."

Audd: I know what you mean. I can't stop thinking of him; it's starting to creep me out, ackshually.
P'raps it's a new disease. Vampiricia Bittena Mea.

Edwarddddddddd.

You are dead beautiful.

Literally.

2007-01-29T18:35:00.000+08:00

"A heart is a fragile thing. That's why we protect them so vigorously, give them away so rarely, and why it means so much when we do.
Some hearts are more fragile than others. Purer, somehow. Like crystal in a world of glass...
Even the way they shatter is beautiful."
---

I have le allergies.

-sniffles-

So I'm not in the mood for a proper post t'day...but no fear. I WILL leave y'all with something to mull over, while I'm gone.

I took an Enneagram Test a few minutes ago, and it's pretty neat, really. Try it.

http://www.eclecticenergies.com/enneagram/test.php

Here's my personality assessment.
...I dunno, it seems rather odd. Do I REALLY come across as being like that?

ENNEAGRAM TYPE 4: THE INDIVIDUALIST [oh how very modest]
People of this personality type tend to build their identities around their perception of themselves as being somehow different or unique; they are thus self-consciously individualistic. Fours tend to see their difference from others as being both a gift and a curse - a gift, because it sets them apart from those they perceive as being somehow "common," and a curse, as it so often seems to separate them from the simpler forms of happiness that others so readily seem to enjoy. Thus, Fours can manage to feel superior to others while also secretly harboring some degree of longing and envy. A feeling of being a member of the "true aristocracy" alternates with deep feelings of shame, and fears of somehow being deeply flawed or defective.

Fours are emotionally complex and highly sensitive. They long to be understood and appreciated for their authentic selves, but easily feel misunderstood and unappreciated. They have a tendency to withdraw in the face of a world that seems harsh or crude, and are often somewhat moody or temperamental. They are emotionally centered and spend much of their lives immersed in their internal mental landscapes, where they feel free to cultivate and analyse their feelings. A desire to manifest this internal world often leads Fours to an interest in the arts, and some do become actual artists. Whether artistic or not, however, most Fours are aesthetically sensitive and concerned with self-expression and self-revelation, whether it be in the clothes they wear or in the overall nature of their often idiosyncratic lifestyles.

Fours are somewhat melancholic by disposition, and under stress tend to lapse into depression. They also tend to be self-absorbed, even under the best of circumstances, but when unbalanced, easily give way to a self-indulgence which they perceive as being fully justified as a way to compensate for the general lack of pleasure they experience in their lives. Rather than look for practical solutions to their difficulties, Fours are prone to fantasizing about a savior who will rescue them from their unhappiness.

[/endquizresult]

...Meh. I sound like a druggie on expired happy pills.

ALSO. I need advice.
Am I more like a vampire, or an elf?

WQ helped me with a CARA caricature today [CARAcature! :D], and he made it all icky 'cuz he tried combining the features of a vampire AND an elf together.
Which, obviously, didn't work out.

[I mean- there's a logical reason why Tolkien didn't let Legolas have fangs.]

...Kat says I look like an elf. :/ ...Gee, thanks, I guess- depending on what kind of elf you're talking about, darhling...if you're referring to the kind with pointy hats and shoes in Hans Christian Anderson stories, then I shall be very ticked orf.

Somebody once told me I had an elven aura. :]

Somebody once told me I seemed 'otherworldly'. [probable undertone: spaced out, stoned, and weirddddd.]

Somebody once told me that I laugh like a witch.

Joshua agrees that I laugh like a witch.
...But he calls me a vampire. Hoho, contradiction.

...Vampire, or elven?

The choice lies with you, young padawans!

<3

2007-01-28T16:07:00.000+08:00

the sky- oh, it melted into a sea of browns and blues
and the lightning in your eyes screamed,
we have nothing to lose.
----

22 km: COMPLETED.

And even better: Flo and I; we came in 1st [uh huh, champion!] for the junior women's T2 category!

Booyeahhhhh. Thankyew, Jesus. You were canoeing with us all the way. <3
Gaspshockhorror, I totally didn't expect to even survive the marathon, let alone come in first. ...'Specially considering the fact that there was a mix-up, and we started the marathon six minutes later than the rest of the people in our category. Which- after all- is still six minutes and you can do tons of things! in six minutes.

It was tough, though. Kinduv like a verrrry amplified version of our 2.4 km run. [understatement!] It was just agggggges of rowing and rowing and rowing and...

(...an hour later:)

...and rowing and rowing and rowing and rowing; and I had to come up with the lamest things to keep myself distracted/occupied. I shan't reveal all of the strange things I came up with; 'cuz I'll most likely get laughed off the internet.

...But I can and will reveal that I was yaddling songs to myself in my head. I found out that Jean was singing 'Fergalicious' to herself while canoeing. ...Poor darling! It's the heat, it is. Does strange things to people.

&when all you've gotta keep is strong;
move along, move along like I know you do.
& even when your hope is gone
move along, move along just to make it through.

Thank you, All American Rejects. I owe y'all one. ...Next time y'guys mosey over to Singapore, I'll get Maxy to toss knickers onstage kay.

Oh, and. I came up with these neat stories in my head. Example.
"...The sky hung menacingly over the grey-veiled waters as the painted boats below fought the angry waves tenaciously. Elven eyes strained against the stinging seaspray [kay, so we were canoeing in a reservoir- but whatev.]; and taut muscles shifted under bronzed skin as arms strained, shuddered, and battled the waves that growled and slammed against the small, determined vessels."

I also imagined that I was Pocahontas. :D And that all the other canoeists were Indian braves; and we were fighting the pendulum of a treacherous journey to get to the New World.
It helped, okay.
And no, I didn't have sunstroke. [/offended!]

And I remember that at one point I was feeling kinduv irked because Maxy had a 'NEVER GIVE UP' sticker taped onto her canoe and I didn't; plus I was bored and tired and I needed something to focus on, so I started channelling energy from the trees around the shore and hoping for a sign, or at least for a NEVER GIVE UP! sticker to magically fall from the sky.
...Then I looked back down, and lo and behold! - there was a piece of seaweed on the front of my canoe. ...I had no idea how it got there, but it was a sign kay.
So remember. seaweed= never, never give up.
I'll remember that the next time I go for an all-you-can-eat Japanese buffet. Mmm, seaweed soba.

So yes; Flo and I rowed and rowed, and it got puhretty bad because the wind would either stop altogether [so it'd feel as if we were rowing and getting nowhere], or the wind and waves would just whip up and battle against our boat. [so we'd row and get nowhere.]

BUT we did it. We were brave girls, Flo, and we did it! ...Thanks for being such an awesome senior; I doubt I'd have made so much progress without your constant tiredbutdogged half-grunt-half-yells of "Come on- we have nothing to lose!", and "All the wayyyyy!".
You helped me believe in myself. So thank you. I think we did awesome. <3

...After we'd finished rowing the 22km, our hands looked dead. Honestly, our hands looked like something out of Saw: The Movie. It was sick.
Andand! Memorable Quote #2 of the day:

Jean: How come Mr. Yong needs us to recycle all the 100 plus cans?
Clayton: ...Because he wants to make a CAN-oe!
[cueuproariouslaughter!]

AND. Not forgetting- the MOST [by far] Memorable Quote Of The Day. Ahem.

"...My humps are too tired to lift." - Maxy.

I almost DIED laughing. Obviously someone didn't drink enough water and Accelerate.
Permanent brain damage.
[...but Maxy came in 2nd overall for our category. BOOYAH, bestie. You own!]

...So mhm, after everything [prizes, yay!]; Jean and I hitched a ride from a coupluv really fun PJC canoeists. [It looked as if we were being kidnapped- two 15yearold red&whites in a sea of black&white 18yearolds.]
[And we were in the back of a truck!]
[...Likelike a group of illegal immigrants.]
[...With manymany canoes. Can't forget the canoes.]

I wanted to sleep in the truck; but I couldn't lean back 'cuz I kept getting impaled on a wooden splinter. Oh, and. I almost fell out of the truck. Once.

HEADLINES: NJC CANOEIST FALLS OUT OF TRUCK, RUN OVER BY MOTORCYCLIST HIGH ON NEWTON FOOD CENTRE SAMBAL STINGRAY.
LAST WORDS HEARD TO BE: "...BUT I'M TOO AWESOME TO DIEEEEE...."

Mhm, so all in all: today was LE AWESOMENESS.
I'd like to thank GOD for seeing us through; Daddy for waking up at five plus a.m. to send me to the meeting point; NJCanoeing for the support and spirit; Flo for being there for me [we completed it together!]; Ryan for saying hello; and of course! - you, my beloved fans/taggers/same difference :] for the love and best wishes.

yay, today owned.

<3!

2007-01-27T09:57:00.000+08:00

then, when it seems like
we can never smile again;
life comes back.
--------

Life's back to normal again.
But that doesn't mean it's gotten any less magical. ;]

It's definitely gotten tiring, though. Yesterday during P.E, Mr Sham(sp?) made me do P.E with the guys; which was testing because most of the guys are sprinters. Cara+sprints? ... = absolute exhaustion & potential collapsings.
Then after an eternity of suicides [the sprinting exercises, dudes; not those kinduv suicides] and pushups and ab-holds, Mr Sham [I've given up on how his name's spelt. So sue me.] got us to do some 3-minute ab workout.

Although I swear it was actually longer than that.

And then after the workout, Kaushik goes: "...Whoa, I think I've got a ten-pack."
-to which Ash promptly replies : "Yeah, a ten-pack of milo."

It's things like these that make me love my new class. The strangest things happen everyday... as a matter of fact, sometimes I get the odd feeling that we've actually been placed on a reality TV set that's somewhere in between The Real World and Just For Laughs.
And that Kai was sandwiched into the cast of us unsuspecting reality tv stars for the sake of peace on earth and horniness to all men.

tomorrow beckons.
tomorrow: doom.
tomorrow: the marathon!
And yes, I'm freaking out...rather belatedly, I might add.

If this post is the last you ever hear of me...you know why.
-and why yes, as a last gift, I'm giving you the permission to publish the contents of this blog and create a book about me: CARA; Memoirs Of The World's Most Amazing.

'Tis a heavy responsibility, ohyes!
...Shoulder it carefully, young padawans.

Aaand to end off this post; random philosophical ohsowonderful! thought gets inserted rigggght here.

...Y'know how we've heard of all those rules of life? Likelike, how at least 5 people in this world love you enough to die for you; how somebody you don't even know is thinking of you at this very moment and loving you; and how at least one person thinks about you before he/she falls a sleep?

[And yes, to tell the truth; I've always been very intrigued by the last one. ...I wonder who'd ever have the bad sense to think of me before they sleep; unless they're wanting to have bad dreams or summat.]

[And Thang- aw, thankyew! And yes, I do happen to like myself too...'cept I do have my offdays; and then again I do also have my reallyreallyreallyoffdays; but in the end s'all good. :] ...Who're you? Do tell!]

But yes, back to the point.
It's another rule of life, that everything you've ever wanted
will come the very second
you stop looking for it.

Pretty thought- right there.

And with that; I must bid y'all a fair adieu.

<3

2007-01-24T20:28:00.000+08:00

because I am happy here.
-----

24/01/07: the most awesome day in all history.

MY DARLINGS; I LOVE YOU ALL TO INFINITY AND BEYOND.

What did I do to deserve such beautiful people in my life; I'd like to know.

Let me list out my beeyootiful day.
1. Got to school, went for morning training, and got those endorphins pumping. Good way to start the day, yo.
2. Received pink Angel [Stitch's cousin!] plushie from Kat and Jean. <3>absolutely ahdorable. We must be related or something.
3. Was wished manymany happy birthdays by the raddest Fourckers ever. Booyeahhh.
4. ...Lunch rolls around; and Maxy got me a gorgeous balloon. ...Y'know, the giant helium kind; all pink and purple and shiny. So the love! :] ...Aaaand then she and Ting got me a mocha cake! Could these two darlings possibly be any more sweet?
Yeah, so we clustered around and sang MY BIRTHDAY SONG- happy birthday to me!...and I had to blow out unlit candles since we didn't have a lighter to light them with.

Maxy, Kat and Co: Blow out the candles! *all point to unlit candles*
Cara: No, no, no. *explains patiently* I need to make a wish first. [*proceeds to make a wish*]
...I then proceed to blow out the nonexistant candle flames. Whoopee, so hot.
Maxy: ...You missed one candle!!
Cara: ...Oh.
The last nonexistant flame becomes nada; and we all proceed to extract all fifteen [unlit] candles from [mmm.] the heavenly surface of MOCHA BIRTHDAY CAKE.
Cara: Ow, the wax burnt me. Bloody candle flame.
Maxy: Watch it, y'all. ...Tsk, the wax got on the birthday cake. *tsks over nonexistant wax spots on cake*

Oh gaw, it was so darn funny.

Also; another thing which made me happy was the fact that the canoeists wished me happy birthday. :] ...I didn't expect that. I mean- I know I'm neat and all...but I didn't expect them to actually know my birthday. Which was a nice surprise.
And then Maxy and I brought some of the cake [sinful!] over to the canoeists' table for our seniors; and they all were, like..." *shakes head* ...No thanks." And then Joseph had to go and joke about trans-fats. [but he DID wish me happy birthday, so brownie points go there.]
Boo, and then I wasn't in the mood to eat any more mocha cake. Guilty!
Butbut one senior took the cake! ...I didn't know Zhikai had such a sweet tooth, :] but at least one canoeist took some cake. I felt better after that.

...Chocolate is GOOD! I don't see why it isn't, if taken in moderation. Chocolate should be one of the ten commandments, I reckon. Speshully dark chocolate, 'cuz it has health benefits okay. Yes, beneficiary. Big word. Bow down.

Ohyes; then moseyed over to Cine with the MG darhlings- special people like Audd and Jacq and Maxy and Shu and Av. We had sushi!- which was yums, and then we took lotsandlots of neos; which was really fun but I think I'm having one of those unpretty days.
...Come to think of it- I've been having those days almost every day now.

Dammit.

Anyway, bottom line.

today was fantabulastic.

THANK YOU, everyone who made it so, so special...people like Maxy and Ting for the loverly surprise; Kat and Jean for the muchwanted plushie; the canoeists for remembering my birthday; 07ip04 for the birthday wishes; Joshua for the birthday wishes and the almost-slap; Astroboy for [gee, thanks yeah!] blocking me when I was running and slowing down my timing [sorry for growling at you]; Loth for celebrating my birthday; Ash for letting me outrun you [again!] during P.E; the MG girlies for a great time out; my LOVELY taggers- y'all rock; my mummy for the special dinner; my family; and GOD, for always being there for me and for giving me

such
awesome
people.

i feel loved.
i AM loved.

And I-
I love all of you too.

thanks for a beautiful birthday.

<3.

2007-01-22T17:54:00.000+08:00

strangers are beautiful people
they never hurt you.
----

15 in 2 days.
Count them.

Anywho's. I don't have much to blog about. Nothing radical's been happening lately, really.
[Unless, of course; you count my conversion to total red meat eater and my shaving my hair into a mohawk and dying it purple.]

SPEAKING OF WHICH. Since we're on the topic of mohawks. ...Ash's do is so rad! ...Not to sound gay or anything; but if I had to be a guy, I think I'd like it much better if I could get a mohawk.
Ash reminds me of a Native American now, though. He used to remind me [sortuv!] of Roy; but now I can already envision him with full warpaint on and with those awesome afro feather things in his hair, and him doing the whole "...How" thing.
Ash and Native Americans GO, okay. ...Dare ye to doubt the infinite wisdom of my logic?

And mhm. For the past few ~~[eons! eras! centuries!]~~ days, I have suffered relentless teasing; courtesy of Astroboy and Joshua. Rumour is a fleeting mistress. I've heard tons of rumours concerning the everrrrr popular topic: GUYS AND GIRLS.

[Duh. What else'd you think they'd gossip about-- the cafeteria food?]

...Gaw, I've heard so many rumours concerning me and insertrandomguy'snamehere already.
If gossip was to be believed; us girls would be dating half the school's male population.

NOT.

HELLO! ...And I am associated with these rumours- WHY?
I swear, I'm totally innocent. Besides I don't date PLUS I highly doubt that I actually know half the guys in our IP batch, let alone half the guys in NJ.
Remember, children: booze + boys = babies.

...Anyway. Steering away from that unfortunate topic; I shall bring us to a far merrier topic.

The decapitation of Saddam Hussein. [...sure.]

MY BIRTHDAY! <3

I swear, I don't feel eggstremely birthdayesque. I'll probably be able to relax only AFTER the canoeing marathon is over. ...That is, granted that I actually SURVIVE the thing. Which I shall! :] ...After all; DEATH BY PADDLE would look highly unpoetic on a death cert, I reckon. Or, even worse: DIED WHILE PADDLING AROUND SELETAR.

Gahhhh. I'm too beautiful to die just yet!

And white totally isn't my colour, fyi. WHITE + CARA = bad look. Do not emulate.

Anyway, so yeah. I'm orf now for dinner. But first, a note to my dahling Jae: No, I haven't forgotten you! I think about you everyday. I don't care if that sounds gay; because you're my girlie and we miss you and for goodness' sake hurry up and come on back home.

[Although I must confess that I'm mildly jealous since your husband'll probably be richer than mine! ...Butbut. Mine will be much nicer and INFINITELY CUTER, so there. ] <3

As always, I LOVE Y'ALL AND I HAVE NO INTENTIONS OF STOPPING ANYTIME SOON.

So ha.

2007-01-20T10:16:00.000+08:00

I need you by my side with your delicate heart
So please don't leave; no, don't you run
Don't be frightened by the storm
So be bold and brave; just let it rain.
---

I AM OFFICIALLY BRINGING ABOUT THE END OF THE WORLD.

...Or, at least, that's what I'm doing, according to Joshua.

But whatever, Sir I'mfoundsafewithinttheharbour. I already KNEW I was awesome to an apocalyptic degree. ...I mean- really. First off, I'm the raddest thing on the planet; second, I have friends who are all that; and third, I'm the raddest thing on the planet- and now I'm even bringing about the end of the world?

...Talk about over achieving. Tsk.

Anyway, today's Saturday; and I don't care if this expression doesn't exist, but TGIS! :]
I've gotten my braces removed, so now I have a shiny new almostperfect smile to usher in a shiny new Saturday.

Yesterday was great. I've noticed that I've become mucccccho busier lately, and I think that's just the way I like it. I like being so caught up in things that you just kinduv forget about the dozen other things you used to stress about all the time.
...Um, business is my drug, I 'ppose?
Maybe I should schedule an appointment and guidance therapy at Busy People Anonymous. :/

And my PE teacher said I was fit! *dances* ...But naturally. I mean, anyone [well, almost anyone] with two functioning legs and a pair of sport shoes would qualify as being fit. But I told him that under normal circumstances, Ash's much fitter than I am; and the only reason why I ran a tad faster than him was 'cuz I had had an elephant's recess. :]
What scares me, though, is the fact that Ash was running in Converse sneakers.
If and when he ever dons his sports shoes; I WILL DIE.

Joshua's really fast too, emg. Why am I, of all people- in a school full of freakishly fast people?

[Although Joshua- I resent the fact that you accused me of cutting off your supply of bubble tea. ...Dude, go buy your own bubble tea!]

And yes, Cheryl darhling, I miss you too! <3 Mhm, I will be having a birthday party [how could I not?], and y'all are invited. Although I do wish that Loth could travel here from Norway to celebrate it with me...I wuv my big sis. :D
[And I lovelove my MG girlies too. A lot.]

But yes, soon I'll be turning FIFTEEN.
Booyeahhhh.
Fifteen sounds so old, though. It's, like, half of thirty.
And thirty sounds freaky. It doesn't sound me-ish. ...I mean, seriously- can you imagine me still dating my iPod and still being the most fabulous thing on the planet at thirty?

I hope I'll still believe in magic when I'm thirty, though.

Heck, I hope I'll still believe in magic when I'm a hundred.

I don't want to live forever; I just want what's in me to live forever. I want some little girl to grow up like me and to love life and to live it to the fullest. And yeah, although I've screwed myself up pretty bad in some places before; that's perfectly all right; because part of the beauty of life comes from messing up and then being able to gracefully stitch up the tears again.

[Because contrary to what Joshua thinks, I'm not perfect.
As hard as that may be to believe. XD]

Sobstories aren't neat. I resent people who make up their own hangups in a bid for sympathy and attention. ...I know I've been on that line before, and it isn't cool, believe me. After all- so what if you have a sobstory? Boohoo, well. EVERYONE has a sobstory, and you having one doesn't make you any more special or any more different.

No, I'm referring to 'beauty in the broken'- not self imposed breakdowns; but the things that happen sometimes which make you crumble so hard that you think you won't ever get up again. But you do. And although the scars remain; life becomes so much more beautiful because of what you've been through, and that, m'dears; is what I'm referring to.

And I know that I've met many, many glorious people; and I want their spirit to live on in the teenagers of, oh I dunno- 2020!~ too. Then we'd have a generation of beautiful people full of vivacity and full of grace and I think the world would smile just a little wider because of that.

[/endramble]

Yes, I know I was rambling. I'm an obsessive compulsive rambler.
And after all, since it's ALMOST my birthday- I'd think I'd be entitled to a little more rambling than usual, don't you?
Besides- a daily dose of rambling is good for the soul.

So come here everyday and read and tag, y'all; and your souls will love you all the better for it.

...And naturally, so will I.

Tah, luvs; and keep those lovely heads up high.

<3

2007-01-18T20:45:00.000+08:00

Although the sparkle is gone;;
Your smile is in place so that everyone watching will see.
----

I think I owe a couple of people apologies for almost breaking down today during training.
Y'all may not have seen me- but it was there; I almost cried, and I'm sorry; I should have been stronger.

I was tired 'cuz I had run for 40 minutes in the morning; and then we did almost an hour and a half of nonstop lunges and pushups and situps and squats and boxing, and then we rowed and rowed.
I was exhausted, but I shouldn't have let it shown- I shouldn't have let it affect my performance.

So I'm sorry.

Thanks, Maxy, for coming to my rescue when I was struggling with all the paddles. :] You're the bomb, girlie, and thanks for stopping me from almost! crying. I.O.U one. <3

Thank you, seniors, for being there and for being such a wonderful team.

I will do my best for the marathon, I swear. I'm frightfully frightful and just thinking about rowing 22km makes my skin grow cold; but I won't let the team down.
I'll finish the marathon- by hook or by crook and by my missing A Maths book.

This team bleeds together and
we will do this.

[I love you, darhlings who tagged. I promise I'll update soon...I'm just really, really tired right now. I know I've been neglecting the tagging too. I promise I'll tag y'all as soon as I possibly can.
Meanwhile, know that I miss you and love you and I'll be back soon.]

<3

2007-01-16T20:50:00.000+08:00

Summer was painted on our skin
And those secrets hidden in our childish lips;;
Oh, oh; they would die for a kiss.
----

[ASH; THE HUSH SOUND IS SO THE LOVE. Mucho gracias! :] ]

Ow, my back feels like it's just been put through one of those old-fashioned clotheswashers. ...Y'know, the ones that those adorable dumpy little washerwomen always use in those medieval movies.
And my back happened to be, like, one of their lacy undershirts, or summat.

Training today was neat.
Except for the part where I discovered that I'm going to be rowing a friggin' 22 km with my canoeing senior for the marathon. ZOMG.
I can barely run ten km, and you ask me to canoe almost double that?

...Thing is, though; I love the team, and I'll do just about anything for them.
[...Except for maybe shaving my head. Or dating somebody who tyP3s lykK3 tAt w0RxX!]
My fitness levels are seriously sham right now...I bet a rock could probably beat me at doing incline pull-ups.
BUTBUT I am going to work hard for this. This team is ahmazing; and, as our senior said- "Run for your teammates, and they'll run for you". We've started together and we'll bloody well end together, aight.

[...We will take no prisoners, and leave no man behind.
Hohoho.]

I realized that Qiu Lin runs to the schexy sounds of Justin Timberlake. X] Zomg, I think that's the funniest thing I've heard, EVER. ...What, hun, do those gorgeous pulsating beats motivate you to run faster? [I could NEVER run to Sexy Back. ...I mean- gaw, I can barely listen to that song over the radio now without wanting to boycott the unfortunate DJ; let alone spend an entire three or four minutes shedding sweat to that song.]
I need angsty angry oh-gosh-I'm-dead-inside-don't-try-to-save-me kinduv songs if I'm to run right.
...Except for when I run while listening to Josh Groban [*turns crimson*] ...but nevermindthat'sadifferentstory.

Anyway, today Maxy, Laur and I TOOK MGS BY STORMMMMM, hunnaye.

...Actually, no. We just popped in for a surprise visit.

[Fine, so maybe I exaggerate just a wee bit sometimes. Who cares?]

Bottom line: I MISS MGS. I felt like crying when I stepped into the homeroom and saw all of those blurry faces with my three hundred [plusplus] degree eyes and saw all of my beeyootiful mayties. :]
...Okay, so maybe they looked exceptionally beautiful due to the fact that I wasn't wearing contacts or glasses.
But whatever, I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. :D

And gaw how I miss them! I never realized the whole cheesy "absence makes the heart grow fonder" yaddle; but now I'm starting to see that p'raps there IS some truth in old fogeys' rantings, after all. I miss Avveh and her hyperness; I miss Cheryl and Nic and how we'd walk over the bridge together and how we used to tease Nic about her dating the ice cream man. I miss Sarah and her crazy organizedness; I miss Sandra and her chocolate :] and I especially love her because she says now the class isn't quite as crayzee without me.
[I know. I'm quite the special one, aren't I?]
I don't regret coming to the school of grey; but I'll always miss my deloverly girlies back in MGS and as a matter of fact I'm going to watch the Arena right now and cheer MG on.

Whee, MG all the way. <3

In any case; mhm, I'm gunna scoot now and leave y'all reminiscing fondly over my gorgeousness. Keep tagging, m'lovelies [and Loth, that includes you- don't think I've forgotten!], and stay beeyooteefool. :] I have touch rug tryouts tomorrow and more canoeing trainings coming up; so wish me luck, and hopefully there'll be another post coming up soon if I don't end up in hospital by then. [I already gave you the address and ward number in one of the previous posts! I'm eggspecting getwellsoon cards and cookies!]

P.S; Janice and Kat!
- I don't have eyecandy. I do think somebody's cute, if that means something- but that isn't proper eyecandy so it isn't counted.
:[ ...I mean, Master Tatum's all very fine and all; butbut if the gossip's right (for once), he's bi.
So that's a nono.
...Plus I don't exactly live in Hollywood, if anyone hasn't noticed; so it's not as if I could go out on a date with him or anything.

...So yeah. I need either eyecandy or a ticket to Hollywood.

Pay up, y'all. }

<3

2007-01-13T13:30:00.000+08:00

And the lights; oh they were bright on your glowing face
And the music was your breathing in our sacred space
We were beautiful- so, so beautiful
for that one night one chance one dance;
And in that moment [in that moment]
we were,
we were
infinite.
---

DANCE NIGHT. [noun]
Definition: The one night when everyone becomes beautiful.

NJ Dance Night was the greatest, raddest, most awesome thing everrrr.
And believe me- that's an understatement.
I HAD SO MUCH FUN.
And for one of the few times in my life where I'm not actually being sarcastic...I totally mean that.

I think I have a hangover from dancing. Aaand latenight MTV. And chocolate.
Could there be anything lamer than getting a hangover from gyrating and too much of the tube and junk food?
[I mean- sure; techno music cuts a close second.
Oh, and macaroni and cheese.]
BUT that isn't even the point.

The point IS.
Cara officially has the lamest hangover in the history of the world!!!

[thunderous applause!]

But back to the point. Dance Night was RAD. I never even knew my girls could shake it like that. Tingy, Maxy, Serene, Shuu, Kat...y'all are the hottest. [And I'm the hottestestest of the hottest. :D]
The lights; the music; the people; the movement. I never realized how much I liked dancing till last night.
I mean, seriously. Hand me a box of choreographed dance moves and I seriously SUCK. But when the lights are low [too low to see anyone] and I'm too engulfed in a sea of humanity to be seriously mortified- heyy. Who cares how you move; as long as you shake it, aye?
Then Shanti [hun!] came into the picture with her girls; and all of us just wound it up. Aaaand especially when My Humps came on...golly. Make it drop, laydeeeees.
It was crazy shizz; and ace fun.
Who knew Tingy could be such a bomb? And who knew Shu could break out of her prehistoric dinosauresque roots like that? ...Aaand who knew Maxy could be such a hot mami? :]
[Everyone already knew Cara is and can be awesome anyway, so there's no need for me to mention my name in my own shoutout. :] ]

New favourite pasttime: Shaking. :]
But unfortunately I suck at dancing, really; so I shall just be a closet dancer. I mean, really. When the girls and I were changing tees; Ren Jean discovered a new revelation. EMG, CARA ACTUALLY HAS A FIGURE!!
...Gee, thanks.
And I highly doubt anyone knew I actually had a dancing capacity too, either; until the music came on.
HA.

ASH WHY DIDN'T YOU DANCE. Kat was shaking it all night long and you didn't even DO anything? Gawww. How wasted.
PLUS. You had a whole room [correction. HALL] of gyrating girls and it was so dark that anyone and everyone looks awesome anyway; and you didn't do anything?!
Pffffffft.

And hey, girlies; y'all are hot stuffses. :D I luv y'all; and let's crash a party sometime.

And to my other girlies; we need to dance sometime. Music is the BEST and none, none, NONE of us can live without it, yo.

I want to be infinite again.

<3>

2007-01-09T20:57:00.000+08:00

We scream our insecurities but mutter our apologies;
And that is why this world will always be so wrong.
----

Grrrr it did it again.
Bloggerrrrrrrrrrr!!!

What's the square of Tired+Exasperated With The Internet+Cranky? ...Nic, work that out, will yah.
Because that's what I am right now.
...No, wait. As a matter of fact; just cube the whole darn number. Or power ten it. Whatev. Same thing.

Boo I'm tired.
Then why; you may ask- why aren't you tucked up in bed, Cara dear?
We-ell. Maybe 'cuz Cara dear doesn't have a life.
No, actually.
It's 'cuz Cara darhling's one of them Obsessive Compulsive Bloggers. If she doesn't blog sporadically; she'll break out in ugly purple spots and she doesn't want to break out in them purple spots because it'll clash awfully with the red NJ exercise attire; and besides, as if looking like an overgrown grey dormouse wasn't bad enough already, purple spots would hardly do anything to help.

Anyway, so yeah. About my day.
We spent most of the day playing station games. I got wet and tired and wet and cold and wet and exhausted...oh, and I forgot to mention that I got wet, too.
I must confess, though, that I have underestimated the mysterious power only known to us mere mortals as CLASS GAMES. [Of course, I'm actually an Elf in disguise so I alone know ze secret name of CLASS GAMES; but I shan't tell because if I do you'll all turn into Elves too and then there'll be nobody left to be the gnomes and the dwarves.]

We Mass Danced for over an hour to the tune of A Public Affair.
Gaw, it was painful. I looked like a Spice Girl on crack.
And thennnn Maxy, RJ and I went for canoeing training.

So now I'm zonked.
Zonkedzonkedzonkedzzzzzzonked.

And Ash...? Unfair. There's actually a reason why they have separate guy and girl teams. [Gosh, I know!! Shocking, isn't it just?]
Not that I'm some sort of feminist. ...I mean, I don't burn bras or anything, if that's what y'all are wondering.
Anywhos, I don't reckon burning bras ackshually works. I mean- doesn't that work to the guys' advantage, in the end?

But never mind, OH WELL I SAID TOO MUCH.

Shu- yes, your life is and can be juicy. There's juiciness EVERYWHERE! I'm juicy [and gorgeous. And amazing. And rad. The list goes on], you're juicy; we're ALL juicy, but it's starting to sound wrong so I'll stop right there.
Bottom line: Juiciness is EVERYWHERE, so you've just gotta look for it.

Nic- yes, by now we all do realize that no, you're not the tattoo guy. [Although- darnit- he IS cute.]
And yes, you're not a guy.
Thank you for showing us that you have a very stable gender identity. Good for you.

Loth, luv, the Internet hung on me when I was trying to change the song for you, so be grateful now, sis. :] Love ya.

And yeah, Maxy; we're dirtayyyy girls. Down and dirtayye, that's us. [And I still can never listen to "Scandalous" without thinking of you!!]

Josh, you dieded on the track? ...Gosh, that's sad. Really, it is.
I'll get Maxy to play a Stacie Orrico song for you at your wake, no worries.
[Touchwood.] You're in track, though? ...That's cool. Even if you ARE, after all, dead.

'Kay, so that's all for now. I'm going downstairs to watch THE ARENA and cheer for the MG Debate Team. *toots kazoo*

So peace out, y'all; and much luvvvvv.

<3

2007-01-08T20:08:00.000+08:00

She was beautiful; full of losses and life
Bruised and broken but she had stars in her eyes
She never let it show; oh but her story was sad
Her life was the story we want and wish we never will have
----

Hello, loves.
Okay, I'm feeling justifiably ticked off now because the Internet just died on me; and thus succeeded in wiping out the entire blogpost I painstakingly typed out.
...Gosh, sometimes I really hate technology. [Even though I know I'd die without it.]

Anyway, so onto the subject of my glorious, glamorous, completely ordinary life!
NJC's orientation program [The Odyssey] was rather neat.
I mean; ordinarily I would never consent to bowing my head to the Great Overlord Of Rah Rahness!, and I confess that I have no particular affinity for bonding games. [Come on, people- how many times dya'll intend on playing dogawful Polar Bear?!]

See- The Odyssey comprises six really awesome clans: Alvarez, Azara, Lopez, Torres, Ingstad and Shackleton. [Which are Africa, America, Asia, Australia, Europe and Antarctica respectively.]
I'm in Alvarez, AKA Africa. Purple. :] Ha.
We're Ahfreekans, yo. :]] Ace fun. I mean- warpaint, tiki heads[?], feathers...the works. Totally cool.

And the Mass Dance? 2Gians of the year '06; take a guess at the song.
Wild guess.

Absolutely; it was WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER.
Gaww. I could have withered away and died. Diediedied...ded.
I mean- sure, I love HSM as much as the next person...but after a couple zillion rewatchings of aforementioned fabled Disney musical; [not to mention having plagued my longsuffering maytes with countless and not neccessarily inkey renditions of Breaking Free...my apologies!] I don't quite think I'm completely in the wrong when I say that I AM BORED SICK OF THAT SONG.

BUT.
Before the entire NJ dance community comes rushing down on me in a swirl of lace and stuff...I must confess.
It was neat.
And yeah, you heard me. It was neat.
Even though we spent over an hour in the Parade Square dancing and perspiring [I must have lost a third of my body weight in perspiration]; even though I almost died; even though I kept missing those [grr!] dogawful spins and turns...the dance was neat.
And a special t'ankyew to my Mass Dance partner for not collapsing under the forcible reckoning of my weight when I had to do the cheerleader jump on you.
Sorry, mayte.

Okay, that brings us to the end of Cara's Daily Self-Obsessed Ramblings. Onto the tags.

Cheryl- YES, I'm joining touch rugby. It's not that bad, actually. As Ash says, after all; it's not half as violent as the "real deal". [...whatever that's supposed to mean, Ashwyn!!] I know that you only want me to keep beeyootiful and all...but don't worry, I shan't be scarred.
Much.
Moreover, can't you just picture me tackling someone to the ground? ...Pinning unnamed unfortunate soul in the mud, promptly flattening him/her, and p'raps taking a handful of his/her hair just for, say, a tiny keepsake?
...Only I won't be doing that, 'cuz it isn't the "real deal" [Ash...we SO have a score to settle.], so relax. :]

Ash- yes, I do realize who you are now. Oops. The first time you tagged; I thought you were a girl. Which probably explains why I called you "hun" and put in that little "<3" sign in there, too.
So don't get freaked out or anything yeah.
Now I know you're a guy, and yes, I do realize that both you and your name are perfectly masculine. So don't cry. :D
...Kidding.
Thanks for tagging though, tag more!, and kudos to you for attaining manymanymany battlescars in "real" rugby.
[I'm assuming.]

Loth: Yay for the rad news! I replied you right away, hun, and thanks for posting such great news on ze humble tag. <3

Shu.
What can I say to you?
What infinitely wise answer can I give?
...Well, none.
Because you didn't even give me anything juicy to TALK about, woman! :[ ...Bad, bad person.

'Kay, and that sums everything up. I couldn't find those two songs that Loth requested, so I'm embedding a different song instead.

One that'll annoy the turkey stuffing out of ye good souls...hopefully I'll change it soon, when I remember. It's a rad song and all; but it's also the kinduv song that gets awfully annoying when it plays over and over and over. It's called "Pretty Fly For A White Guy"; dedicated [with much love!] to Pastor Ian.

Love y'all; and this is me, signing out.

<3

2007-01-05T19:11:00.000+08:00

love never fails.
people fail love.
-----

Eep, I feel awful.
...I plumb forgot I even had a blog! I've been so busy later, goshdarn.

Anyway; no, m'loves, that does not in any way mean that I've forgotten about y'all. How could I? ...After all; you guys are the spice of my life...the light in my otherwise blahesque [don't bother to look up the dictionary- that word doesn't exist] existence...the sole reason for my blogging...~~the people lame enough to read my blog...~~ [Kidding. My blog's dead cool!!]

...Yeah, and the ego inflating ends there.

Anyway, I'm sure y'all are dying to hear about this new chapter of my life.
And even if you aren't, I'm gunna tell you anyway- and you can do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about it but read it through the end!

[Unless, of course, you choose to close this Internet window.
BUTIFYOUDO; the evil BLUE CHEESE OF BLOGGING HELL will descend on you and thus jinx your blogging from here to forever! You were warned...]

Anyway yeah. School t'day was fine. Apart from walking around campus looking like a fat grey dumpling [or, in RJ's words- a malformed baby elephant]; things have been good.
Surprise, surprise!! ...I actually got into Accelerated Math; although I have no idea how the hell that happened.

Yes, I'm still seeking treatment for shock. You can come and visit me, if y'all like.
The address: Hospital For The Dropdead Gorgeous; Ward Raddestofthemall.
...P.S I like green grapes!

On a more serious note; I've joined the girls' touch rugby team. Which should be pretty neat, really. I decided that I'd die if I joined track or crosscountry; and I'd probably leave my legs on the field if I tried soccer.
So yeah, touch ruggie's the way t'go. Wish me luck! :]

And no, Loth darhhlin'... Nic's hardly your typical Aussie guy. Nic tis a crazy clever math whiz who recently killed her blog [Murderer, Nic!]; has a weird fascination with old dead guys who wrote music...and who will one day be a famous Mathematician. Expect the Law of Nic; or the Chan Theory to pop out anytime soon.

Oh, and she's a girl.
Aaand judging from the wealth of info about black henna she just tagged, well. I doubt she'll be getting a tattoo anytime soon.

And yesh, Elemm hun- they are rather gorgeous, aren't they- those dudes? X] ...Even if I do say so myself. Which I do.

Aww, Av, ty for the prezzie!! ...Granted, I have no idea what is is, eggsactly; but I trust you have good taste.
And in any case, you can always just give me the receipt and the name of the store.
...NOT. You know I'll use and love whatev you give me, hun.
Even if it happens to be, like, a rather bewildered blonde ten year old girl in a box.

Kay, then. That pretty much wraps up all I havta say. I shall try and update soon.
Till then. *ahem*

Stay gorgeous, keep those lovely heads up and beware of black henna!

<3

[/edit]

Av, you have insomnia?
Awesome- so do I!
Oh, brilliant. Let's be apparently underexercised insomniacs together yeah!

2007-01-02T15:32:00.000+08:00

here's to starting over.

A new year, a new slate, a new school, a new class...and a rather late blog entry.

[Sorry, m'loves. ]

I adore new beginnings yeah. Everything's just unmarred and untainted and precious; and quite, quite lovely.
Sure, they're puhretty scary at times...but eventually all the pieces that have to fall together do; and everything that falls apart will eventually fall back together again.

People; they come and go. Friends; they love you, live with you, and eventually even they must leave. Places; they change, constantly. Lives; get broken, and get built up.
But dreams- they never change, and sooner or later the people who count walk back into your life, you discover that the friends who mattered have been beside you all along; and life'll bring you into a place where you'll be happy in. :]

Which sums up my inane philosophical [or not so] rambling of the day; my mum's calling me to get my head back off the wunnerful realms of THE COMPUTER and back to the mundaneness of suburban living, and the land of SCHOOL STARTS TOMORROW.

But before I go! -Nay, I haven't forgotten. Pictures. Of the Bali trip, that is- and the few I've actually got around to uploading. [For, unlike my girl MAXY- I don't happen to be in the manner of uploading countless pictures onto my bloggeh.]
[And Av, hun, my tan's fading- and fast- so chin up, and rejoice!]

I miss my Run Around The Hotel Getting High maytes. :[ Although- yeah, admittedly- we DID spend over an hour floating aimlessly around in the pool and yaddling on and on about Australian accents and Little Red Dots and what colour our rooms were painted.

...But still. Anything goes, y'know?

...This art my adopted family. [Alex, Tom, and Chels.] ...Don't we all just have the hottest bloodlines ever?

Nic: I have a question for you. Izzit true that black henna can cause skin cancer? ...'Cuz if it doesn't, then I'd be majorly teed off. Tom got a henna tattoo whizzmajig...and did I get one?!
Ze answer: a big, fat NO.
[Instead I had to sit by and watch. Pffft.]

-Which brings us to a close; and I really must scamper now. Laugh as much over the pictures as you like; you know you so fully wish you were there having a blast too.

...Kidding. I'm not THAT mean, now, cahmon.

Leave tags, leave love, and commentcommentcomment!

Oh, and also. Have a sparkly new year, y'all.

<3

2006-12-27T21:02:00.000+08:00

They'll see us waving from such great heights,
"Come down now," they'll say.
But everything looks perfect from far away,
"Come down now,"
but we'll stay.
-----

FINALLY, here's a [longawaited? Much anticipated? ...Greatly dreaded?] update.

I'm back from Bali! ...Which is, like, old news. I was back ages ago.

Sorry.

Anyway, I had fun. I crammed in lotsuv vegging out time; drank tons of Diet Coke [Ha, Nic!] and got even tanner [Double ha, Nic!!] than I'd like to be, but whatever. There wasn't a gym, so I had to occupy myself with other pursuits.
...Like foodddddd. And shoppingggg.
Mmmm.

But really, it was neat. I needed to take some time off from working out as well; so it was a good excuse to just slack off. :] Mum and Dad took us whitewaterrafting...some really neat stuff. And the rocks and rapids, whoo. All I was missing was a fidgety hummingbird, an annoying raccoon, and an Indian brave with that handprint thingy sitting besides me...and wallah. Instant Pocahontas: just mix in and stir well.

Mum and Dad paid for me to have a Balinese massage, too.
Oww.
I mean, I KNOW I may bear significant resemblances to cookie dough and all...but is it neccessary to knead and punch me like I'm some kind of Instant Bake mixture?
Really, I was half-inclined to think that the massage lady actually had a grudge against me.
Either that, or she was just having really bad cookie cravings.

Anyway, I KNOW what y'all are thinking and the one question in your prying little minds, m'loves. :T
And yeah, I did make friends...but that doesn't mean I owe ANYBODY chocolate. Because nuffink happened.
I met Chels- this Welsh girl with green eyes to die for... and Tom and Alex; Aussie dudes from the land of Down Under- whoo, ozzay ozzaye.

...[/edit: ten minutes later.]
...Omg, I cannot believe this.
I was on the brink of breaking a sacred tradition, and the Mac chooses THIS time to screw up on me?!
...Grr, I was about to post pictures.
Murphy, you!!!

Anyway, whatev. I'll make a late picture post when I go to Maxy's house, or sumfink. Which'll be, like, next year? ...Which sucks. I hate giving y'peeps late news.
But it'll hafta do, so let's suck it up now, shall we? :]

Love to all of ya. P.S, Anon, I know who you are. ...It's kinduv obvious, really, innit? :]
And Avveh, Nic, Cheryl, Loth; m'darls...I heart y'all! Thanks for keeping my tagboard wellfed. Kudos.

<3

2006-12-15T10:54:00.000+08:00

Alice came to a fork in the road.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
"Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire Cat.
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat;
"It doesn't matter."

-----

It's 11 in the morning, and I am officially zonked, yo.

I swear- alarm clocks have this thing against me. Don't ask me what kinduv thing. 'Cos they just have a thing.
And mine NEVER wakes me up. And I MEAN never. I've changed its batteries and checked its hour hand and checked its minute hand ~~and even sent it for counselling~~...and does it work? Does it even bother to sing a single bar of its annoyingly chirpy ringtune; for all my efforts?

Ze answer is a big fat no.

Pffffft.

Anyway yeah, so I'm zonked out right now. I got up to go to the gym this morning with the Grammies [YES! My grammies are the awesomeness! :}] at 6.30 am, and then I got in a two and a half hour workout. 'Course it wasn't ALL cardio- [that would be the most sadistic way of killing someone- haul them on a treadmill and leave them there for two and a half hours, sure.] I did an hour of cardio; and an hour-and-a-half of resistance training.
I was tempted to try out le Oto Flabelos machine at the gym again; but I didn't 'cuz I feel uber ick on it.
...Like a blob of human jello.
-Plus the trainer always gives me this weird look whenever I try the Flabelos thing- which is, like, weird.

[But 'course, I can't really blame him. I mean, ANYONE would be stunned into staring, if they happened to catch sight of a lifesized blob of human jello attempting to use the Oto Flabelos yeah.]

Annnnnyway. That's the update for t'day.
Mel, Maxy and I went out to watch Eragon yesterday. [...NIC! YOU PWNED ON US, YOU MEAN MATH WEIRDO!]
...Maxy and I both got Spongebob Squarepants shirts. :] Bright yellllohhhh ones.
And yes, I am indeed an ardent hater of Spongebob Squarepants.
I think he's annoying.
But the shirt was so annoying that it was cute and naturally EVERYONE knows Cara is cute; [Maxy too, or so she claims] so why should Cara not have a Spongebob Squarepants shirt to match her insanely ~~annoyingly~~ cute personality?

...Never doubt my logic, loves.

Yeah, but I digress. Spongebob has nuffink to do with Eragon.
Eragon was basically a teenage-ified version of LotR; or at least, that was my take on the movie. Typical fantasy plot, although I must say that I'm envious of Chris Paolini for getting his book into the bestseller list at fifteen. Meh.
Eragon himself was King Peteresque eye candy- I never realized how cute he was until I actually watched the movie for myself. Arya was neat-kinduv a pintsized, redheaded version of Arwen with enviably toned arms. [I bet that girl works out at the gym every other day!]
...I absolutely loved the dialogue, though. Some of the lines were eggstremely but adorably corny, emg, I'm surprised nobody stood up in the middle of the movie and hollered "Wheat intolerance!".

I liked it, though. :T
I am a person with a high threshold for corny things.
And I am not intolerant to wheat.

...Ahem. Yes, so tomorrow I'm leaving for Bali, and shall not write again until after Christmas! Gaspshockhorrorhowcanthisbe?!

I would like to say that I'll be coming back darker and leaner. I know I'll definitely come back darker since I tan annoyingly easily; but I'm not so sure about 'leaner', since they don't have a gym there. ...But I may go for runs by the beach, and maybe forcibly get myself into the pool.
...Orrrr maybe I'll just give myself a break and veg out by the pool. :]
Yes, I like the sound of that.

So therefore, m'loves, I shall come back to you darker.

Much darker.

Remind me to apply sunblock, please.

...I shall scoot off now. I'm infinitely happy [although zonked] 'cuz I'm going to get a mani, pedi, and a new hairstyle later on with my Gram and Mummy, huzzah! ...I've never done a mani or pedi in my life [I don't reckon the ones we do at sleepovers count], and right now my poor nails are HISTORY. They need some TLC.
Aaand of course, you can never experiment with too many hairstyles.

[...That is, provided you have a sufficient amount of hair to cater to this expense.]

Till then, Her Royal Elfiness must regretfully take her leave; and will miss you all dreadfully.

<3

2006-12-10T14:39:00.000+08:00

REVAMPING IN PROGRESS.

Heylo, maytes.
I'm back from Revamped '06; with a new mindset, and a new purpose.
This isn't about the euphoric hyperish aftereffects of an awesome camp. It's about something deeper than that, and I'm psyched that God made me go to this camp, because it's become a steppingstone for my walk with Him.

I was reading through the tags I missed [btw, t'ankyew, darlings, for the loveleee tags!]; and I realized something. I wasn't even teed off at the anon's comment.
Yeah, I have come to realize that I'll neverevereverever come close to Kate Moss' waiflike figure. I'll never be able to get down to sticklike proportions, or be able to spear cucumber slices with my hipbones.

...But y'know what?

It's okay.

I have curves! [And some of 'em in the wrong places, too, but still.] I have curves, because God made me that way. If He had meant be to be uberishly thin, he would have plonked me into the insect kingdom and made me a distant cousin of the praying mantis.

Revamped Camp's theme verse is this: "So God created man in His own image, in His own image He created him; male and female He created them." -Genesis 1: 26

In His own image. I am- you are- we are ALL created in God's own image. And I realized [shockhorror!] that if I hate my own body; I'm hating God as well. Likewise, if I mistreat my body, I'm mistreating God.
...It took a while for that to sink in, but now I totally understand where God is coming from in this.
GOD NEVER MAKES MISTAKES.
Everything He makes is good. NONE of us [and I mean none!] are mistakes. I mean, in the middle of the camp, I remembered that I could have been born deformed. Orrrr I could have been aborted.

But I'm not.
I have ten fingers, ten toes, two eyes, an attitude, and an appetite.
I'm not deformed.
I'm definitely not aborted. [Duh, common sense, dude.]
I'm here today, alive, because God has a plan for me.

And there's something y'all need to know.
Guess whut?
...GOD THINKS YOU'RE THE RADDEST, MOST AWESOME THING EVER.
...Yeah, you heard me; that's absolewtely roight.
God is the King of, like, EVERYTHING, and
GOD THINKS YOU'RE THE SHIZZNIT!

And hot people like us who are the shizznit don't have to worry about a little extra flab here and there, or about popularity or not being pretty enough or good enough or enthusiastic enough or ahdorable enough-
because we are the shizznit!!!

...I've made my point, yes?

Yeah.

I was going to talk about everything and anything that happened to me during Revamped camp, but I'll leave that 'till another time. For now, I just feel that it was more important for me to get that message across and into your pretty heads.

...And now the work in progress must scoot off, having been bundled out of bed at 2am this morning to play camp games. [...The camp comm's warped idea of fun, I 'ppose.]

So tah, and love y'all.

Orrrr, as Revampers would say;

Shalom, and peace out.

*hippie sign goes here*

2006-12-06T22:27:00.000+08:00

We both like space stations and rocket ships,
and we dream like we're ~~things of the sky~~
We dress like kings and queens and lovers
and we shouted into the night;
We're never gonna die.

-----

Aaaand here's me making time for a quickie post before I dash off for much needed beauty sleep.

...I went to Swirl today!

It was awesome shizz. It's ahdohhhhhhrable. In fact, that's an understatement.
Fine.
It's ahdohhhhhhrable.

The entire shop's decorated in a really vintage way; with old typewriters and Anna Sui-esque mirrors placed around in a fashionably casual way.

Aunty Jeannie introduced me to one of the owners of Swirl; Aunty Evelyn- who also happens to design most all of the clothes on display. Andddddd emg. They have such brilliant uniforms.
In fact- scrap that. They aren't even uniform uniforms. They're, like, samples of the frocks and dresses that Swirl has in stock. Which are all [needless to say] ridiculously pretty, and I can't wait till the rest of the size 1s [Booyeah, I think the gym session this morning helped] come in so I can swirl around and be vain in more loveliful designs. :]

Thus, I spent my afternoon blissfully carrying out my assigned role of Elf to Aunty Evelyn and Aunty Jeannie. [...Yeahhhh, we're all elves. Is that not perfectly cute?! Yay, I've always wanted to be an elf.]

[I never would've thought that I'd be an elf in a vintage boutique, though, but I'm sure it still counts.]

Ohyeah, and. Look out for tomorrow's issue of Urban, 'cuz there's a lovely dress from Swirl that'll be featured in there.
Aaand I helped make the straps! <3
Hail the ahmazing Elf and her ahmazing Elf-teachers, yo.

...Yeah, so that's it for the Life And Times Of A Swirl Elf: Part I.

Jeahhhh.

Kay, so I'm orfffff. I'll be away for a few days; so till then, miss me!
I'll be missing y'all too.

So yeah. Keep smiling, keep tagging, keep living, keep loving.

<3

2006-12-05T17:11:00.000+08:00

Go ahead and try to break me;
Go on, go on.
Go ahead and try to break me;
You don't know what I'm made of.

------

Soz loves, I'm just not in the mood for a squigglyhyperesque entry right now.
My sincerest apologies for this lack of excitement.
If you feel that you have been duly cheated of your daily dose of soap opera, I suggest switching on the telly and flipping the channel to Star World. I hear they've introduced some titillating new serials.

Ohyeah, so I've been whiling the remainder of the day away by doing random quizzes. I did some Colour Quiz, and I'm not gunna paste the code for my results directly here since it looks kinduv gaudy like, so I'll just type 'em out.

Cara's existing situation: Physical illness, over-tension, or emotional distress have taken a toll on self-esteem. She now needs peaceful conditions and considerate treatment to permit recovery.
[Note: ...Right, and check me into the Rehabilitation Home For Senior Citizens while you're at it, too. Is it imperative to make me sound like a poor senile recovering-from-serious-trauma being?]

Cara's Stress Sources: Needs security to avoid any further disappointement, and fears being passed over.

Cara's Restrained Characteristics: Feels listless, hemmed in, and anxious; considers the circumstances as forcing her to restrain her desires. Wants to avoid open conflict with others and to have peace and quiet.
Remains emotionally unattached even when involved in a close relationship.

Cara's Desired Objective: Needs to feel identified with someone or something and wishes to win support by her charm and amiability. [...o_O Uhh. WHAT charm, exactly?]
Sentimental and yearns for romantic tenderness.
[...No comment whatsoever.]

Cara's Problem: Anxiety and a restless dissatisfaction, either with circumstances of with unfulfilled emotional requirements, have produced considerable stress. She tries to escape into an idealized atmosphere of sympathy and understanding, or into a substitute world of aestheticism and beauty.

...Ohhhkay. Now that I've succeeded in making myself sound like a total nutjob who should rightfully spend the rest of her tormented days in a Centre For The Mentally Unsound, it's YOUR TURN, y'all. [Hey, it's only fair.]
Go to www.colourquiz.com and try it out, then paste it on your blogs and let me have a looksee, pleasethanksloveya.

Ohyeah, btw. I'll be away from Thursday to Friday, at youth camp. Awwww. Y'all're gunna miss me AWFULLY, arentcha? [Don't bother answering.] I wonder how I'm gunna be able to survive without my Diet Coke. :[ Pity me much?!

Aighttttt, now it's time for another quiz. HEE. How funnnnn. [Isn't my blog simply the source of all entertainment?] Take pen and paper and try it. It's neat, guaranteed.

Imagine yourself in a forest or a jungle now.....

1) What is the first animal you see?

2) What is the second animal you see?

Imagine now there is a hut in front of you....
3) Do you :
a) Bypass it
b) Knock before going in
c) Rush in.

Now imagine yourself in the hut....

4) There are 20 candles in it, how many will you light up?

5) What is the shape of the table that you think is in the hut?
Is it square or round?

6) How many chairs do you see around the table?

7) There is also a jug in this hut. What do you think the material of this jug is?

8) State the amount of water in it?
a) no water
b) 1/2 full
c) 3/4 full
d) totally full.

Now imagine that you are out of the hut...
9) You have reach a beautiful waterfall. How fast do you think is the speed of the waterfall? (1-9) (1 is the slowest and 9 is the fastest)

10) How many swans are there that you see near the waterfall?

11) Now you have reach the river bank and your destination is just opposite. How do you go over?
a) jump into the river and swim across.
b) find another way to cross it.

12) What are the first words that you will say when you get over?

Finally....
13) Give 3 words to describe the sky.
14) And give 3 words to describe the sea.

--
RESULTS.
1) This question symbolizes the "reflection of your life".
2) This question symbolizes the "character of your life partner".
3) a) bypass means "not ready for relationships"
3b) knock before going in means "ready for relationships"
3c) Rush in means "you are desperate"
4) This question means "your generosity....the more you light up, the more generous you are"
5) If you have a square table this means that you are "stubborn", if you have a round table this means that you are "flexible"
6) This actually shows your "hospitality". The more the better!
7) Depends on what you say, this refers to the "material of your heart"
8) This refers to the "amount of love that you will give to your partner"
9) Speed actually refers to your desires.
10) The number of swans, refer to the "number of best friends you have"
11) a) This means "that you act without thinking"
11b) This means "that you think before you act"
12) This refers to the "first words you will say on your wedding night"
13) This 3 words describe "your point of view to love"
14) This 3 words describe "the kind of love you will have"

Okay. Here're my results.

1) Reflection of life: Lion. [Booyeahhh. Hear me roar, yo. RAWR.]
2) Character of life partner: Giraffe. ...o_O Oohkay. He'll be longnecked, spotty, and will be a tall vegetarian. Ummm.
3) I bypassed the hut, so I'm not ready for a relationship. [HA! Cheryl, you lose your bet, like, totally!]
4) I lit 10 candles. So I'm...sortuv generous?
5) I have a round table. YAY I'm flexible! [Need I add: not physically, though. I'm sure y'all can testify for that.]
6) I have no chairs around the table. Oopsies. I'm not feeling very hospitable right now.
7) I said the jug was made of clay, and therefore...my heart is made from clay. ...Yikes.
8) I will only give 3/4s love to my partner. [OMG. I'm not THAT evil, y'knoww!]
9) I have...puhretty strong desires. [...*blinketh*]
10) I saw two swans, and therefore I have two best friends. Ohhhkayyyy.
11) I think before I act.
12) The first words I will say on my wedding night are: "...I wonder where I am." [Oh crap.]
13) My point of view on love is "bright, annoying, hot".
14) The kind of love I will have: "cool, refreshing, sanctuary".

...How incredibly sightful, hoho.
Especially the first words on my wedding night. :D Ohdear. Things don't sound mucho goodo.
And ai, what a tediously typed out post.

I think I deserve a rest now.

:]

Tah, loves. Catch up with y'all soon.

<3

2006-12-03T21:02:00.000+08:00

But tonight you should lay down that gun
Your playing just might hurt someone
And in the dark, it's hard to tell a foe from friend.
------------------

Today was one of those days.
Yeah, those "I feel too overweight to possibly do anything remotely fun" days.
I took a ramble down to Coffee Bean with my gran and siblings, and picked on a leaf of Caesar salad while Jon and Jana had mocha fraps.

Unfair.
I want my metabolism back. :[

Anyway, so later I [after much willpower!!!] dragged myself onto my bike and onto the road for a session of much [major understatement] needed exercise.

...And golly, I'm so glad I did.

I'd forgotten how good it could feel to be out there.

See, the thing is- I'm an avid anti-sun kinduv person, so the teeniest bit of sunshine usually puts me off from hitting the concrete for a workout.
But God must have finally decided that there had been enough! of Cara's slacking around, because then the weather was simply beautiful.

I love the evening.
I love my neighbourhood. I love the smells of cream sauce and meatballs sizzling as I whiz past; love watching people hang up early Christmas decorations; love shrieking out "...Evening!" to the occasional surprised elderly couple out on their evening walk.

Seriously, I thought I could go on like that forever- pedalling furiously, with the wind whistling in my ears and the dim silhouettes of houses passing in a blur, and being able to lift my head and see the ghost of the moon appearing in the darkening sky.

I was tempted to yell, "Libero, libero!" at the top of my lungs as I rode. Only I didn't want to be mistaken for a loon on a bike.

I wish I could have gone on like that. I wish one day I could ride the world over, just going on and on and on...
...Maybe one day I will, though.

I think that's the closest I've ever gotten to being the wind.

It's like as long as I can just keep pedalling and pushing myself to go faster, faster...nobody'll ever be able to catch me.
And as long as I don't stop, nobody has the power to hurt me or to criticise me or to press unwanted judgements on me.

Nobody can catch me, nobody can catch me, nobody can take anything away from me.

And that's the way I want it, would want, have always wanted it to be.

I wish I could have caught that high, that glorious euphoria; and kept it in a glass bottle.

Because in that time, and for that time only,

I was infinite.

2006-11-30T15:48:00.000+08:00

We've even got a secret handshake
And she loves the music my band makes
I know I'm young but if I had to choose her or the sun
I'd be one nocturnal son of a gun.
-Cupid's Chokehold
----

Aaaand nope, I'm perfectly straight, t'ankyew.
I just happen to think that quote's cute, s'all.

Anyway, so YAY!
I got up t'day at 5.59 am.
By myself! Like, without, like an alarm clock and the works, yo.

Training was neat. :] T'day we got acquainted with the K2s; and spent the rest of the training warming up to the whole K2 scene yeah. A big fat thankyouuuu to supersenior Joy. You saved my sorry ass from certain doom and capsizedness more than once.
Not that, like, I wasn't wet already or anything, 'cuz I was. I capped, like, twice before I could get into the K2?
...I know, embarrassing major.

Also- Maxy and I saw Julia heading off for her Xcountry training. And then for the first time ever, I kinduv realized that I was wearing NJ attire. Well, duh. I had been wearing it all that time, I know- but suddenly I just realized realized that I was never gunna be wearing the blueonwhite MG attire again. [nostalgia!] ...Nay, instead, I shall be garbed in the ahdorably High School Musicalesque [cue for graphic Avveh retching noises] NJ PE attire.

Which, I suppose, shan't be that bad.

...Unfortunately, I can't say the same about the NJ uniform.
'Cuz I still look like a friggin' oversized dormouse in the uniform, dammit.

Pshhhtttt.
How'm I gunna survive in my NJ uniform? Seriously, I don't get how most people can wear it and still look so good. It's freakishly annoying.
When I start school, people're gunna be all, like, "Emg; there's an obese genetically mutated rodent roaming our hallowed hallways!!"
And then: "...Oh. It's only Cara."

How incredibly uplifting yeah?

...Meh.

...Annnnyway, so yeah. I'm so zonked now, seriously. And I have absolutely nothing to do. Aaand I'm teed off 'cuz my Mac doesn't let me tag Tiff's blog, plus I can't find ze elusive Gero's blog. :T
Elusive Gero, give me your bloglink kthzxloveyoutoobabe! :]

Omggggggg. Ohyeahohyeah. Apparently, [a little bird told me] a certain guy [in Singapore] has been going around telling people that I'm his ex.
...o_O
Like, HELLO, please?!
And yeah, I know I'd make an awfully awesome [keyword being awwwwesome] ex, and yeah, I know guys like to have their boasting rights and all that jazz.
But could you just, like, leave my name out of it?

Like, I dunno. While you're at it, why not say you dated Heidi Klum, too?
At least she has a good figure. 'Cuz, like, dude. You so do NOT want to see me in a twopiece yeah!

...Speaking of which. I just had an awesome little carbfest- a mango and a slice of toast with jam.
Grah, I don't think ketosis is working for me. Really. Dr Atkins and Co would be so ashamed.
Aah, ketosis schetosis. I'm supposed to love myself just as I am, right?
I've been reading this book that constantly raves about "oh, you're young! Treasure your metabolism while you can!" ; and I'm all, like, "...What metabolism?"

Huh.

So yeah, that pretty much sums up my rantings for the day. Aaaand I'm off to
1) tag more blogs
2) mope about not being able to tag Tiff's blog
3) Bloggersearch to see if I can somehow track down Gero's blog
4) do whatever the heck else I feel like doing!

XOXOXOXO!

[/EDIT]
...New song to annoy the stuffing out of y'all.
This one's slightly easier on the ears, though. Very backgroundmusicesque.

Oh, and no birds in ears and devils on shoulders, either.

See?
Nice music. <3

2006-11-28T16:17:00.000+08:00

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?

-------

Hello, m'loves! :]

Kay, so t'day didn't zackly start out very well.

Ackshually, scrap that. It started awfully.
I woke up to the sun [blasted sun!] streaming in through my window, and I was all sleepy-eyed and like, ~~"Good morning starshine, the Earth says hellohhh!"~~ "...Oh. Good morning, worrrrrldddd."
Then I happened to glance at my watch.
Aaaand realized that canoeing training started in 16 minutes.

Emg, major scccccramble. I probably shaved off five years from my lifespan from that trauma. [As if my lifespan wasn't already short enough.]
Anyway, so I got to training [late, but still]. Thankfully. What sucked, though, was that we only covered a pathetic distance of I'mnotsayingwhatitis; because there was another IP0 junior who was with us- and she was kinduv struggling, so we had to wait for her and give moral support.

Yeah, so after training; we sat down and had a debrief; during which they passed around what seemed like countless packets of banana walnut bread and pandan bread and [!!!] bananas. Maxy tried to pressgang me into having a banana, but I didn't take any 'cuz I don't like having carbohydrates that early in the day. Most of the rest of the team took 'em, though; and for awhile there was just, like, this contented silence.

Hahaaaaaa. I almost got shot down for laughing; cuz everyone was just sitting there, looking wayyyy dazed and raising their hands with this uberstoned expression, and very forlornly munching on their bread slices/bananas.

Teeheeeee. I'm sorry, but it really was cute.

Ohyeahandand! On to other news.
I HAVE LE JOB! :]]]]]
In a beeyootiful little vintage boutique at Stamford House, filled with deelyteful clothes and lots and lots of prettiful accessories. <3
I'm to help sell ze clothes and help customers accessorize and help them fit together different vintage pieces for that purrrrfect look.

Bonzahhhhh.

YAY. I love my new assignment, and I think it's the cutest thing ever. <3

...But back to the present.
I'm starving.
There isn't anything left in the cupboards that I like enough to raid, so now I'm stucketh here with a plate of cucumber slices.
Dammit. :[

I want my dinnnnnner.

Anyway, Imma go now. I shall go and try to do something useful with myself, and- oh, I dunno- eat more cucumber slices.

Somebody feed me.

<3

2006-11-24T13:07:00.000+08:00

Because you're amazing and you don't know it
Because you're smart and you ~~don't believe it~~;
You're the kind of girl that guys don't get over
& you're the kind of girl other girls get compared to.
------

Fine, I get it.
Y'all DON'T have birds in your ears.

...Gaw. 'Tis just a song, lovelies; no need to take it so literally.
BUTBUT I still love that song, WHICH MEANS that it stays on.
For now.

Anyways. I'm sitting here in front of a rained-on window and having a fatfree hot chocolate in an armchair stuffed with comfy cushions and just being a happy stoner in general.
Yay. Go all happy stoners all over the world.

The fact that there's training tomorrow gives me a funny feeling in my stummick. ...I shall push myself to canoe however far I'm supposed to; and I will try not to splash overly much and I shall not give in and I won't back down and I will remember to apply sunblock so I don't get a twotoned tan.
And then I intend to drag Shu and Maxy around for a jog after training. Aaaand then we shall all collapse in a lovely sunburnt heap; head back to Maxy's place, and I shall have lunch there with them, yes I shall. [I just realized that Maxy and I tend to order identical meals now, heeee. Like, last week we both had veg rolls and Diet Cokes for lunch. ...Which mustuv looked puhretty strange; the both of us eating zackly the same things, but after all, we're practically sisters, so who really gives a hoot anyways.]

...About my life?
We-ell. Boywise, I'm still pretty much where I was at the start. [If only cute guys could gawk at me, and not dirty old men. Meh.] Foodwise...Mummy brought Jon, Jana and I out to Jack's Place last night for dinner. Dad's in the U.S again, but he says that we'll have Thanksgiving dinner when he comes back, so's. Anyway, so Mums tried to get me to order a filet mignon steak platter; but then I looked at the menu and I envisioned myself ackshually putting a wad of poor dead cow into my mouth and then swallowing it [!!!], and I almost got sick all over the garlic bread.
So I ordered grilled crayfish instead. Which was vereeee good, by the way.
[Being a pescatarian doesn't mean you have to starve yourself.]

Ohyes and we went to the library! ...And I found this ahdorable book called "The Otherworld: How to bring fairies into your life". Heeeeeee.
I flipped through it, and there was this one part about "How to catch a Dryad". The book suggests planting a tree in a special place in one's garden; and then regularly visiting it, hugging it, and talking to it.

Kay, and I'd love to try that. The only problem is that with Singapore's climate, the only plant I'll be able to grow successfully will probably be a measly bean plant. Not that there's anything wrong with a bean plant, of course.
Maybe I'll plant the beanplant where I buried my hamster. Yes, and then I will visit it everyday and talk to it like the knowledgable little sprout that it is.
...The thing is; if I hug it, I'll crush it.
And then I'll probably end up eating it for dinner one day, so I don't think the Dryad of the beanplant [if any] would be very pleased, zackly.

So that's a no to the beanplant Dryad, then.

Oh well.

...Gah, I have to go. I need to put in some tinkling time on the piano [Hear that, Nic? ...Cara actually plays the piano! Gaspshockhorror!] ; and then I shall mrt to meet up with Pretentious for our bandmeeting.

But before I go; here's a thought from last night. [Yes. Random ~~genius~~ inspiration strikes again.]
See- no matter how much you diet to get down to a size whatever; or how expensive you get your clothes at to look like the latest CK jeans model; or how much mascara you wear; or how loudly you laugh and how hard you pretend to be the most popular, most loved person around...the truth is that there'll always be somebody better at it than you.
There'll be somebody far skinnier than you; far richer and who looks better in designer clothes than you do; who looks like a total bombshell without mascara; somebody who has lovelier teeth than you do and who happens to just be naturally more popular than you could ever hope or want to be.

There'll always be somebody better.

...But here's the thing.
There'll always be somebody who does something better than you.
But there's nobody- absolutely nobody- who could be YOU, better than you can.

So listen up, people. Just be yourself. Call it cliched, call it oversaid. Whatev. I couldn't care less.
But I DO care that this message gets out to as many people as possible.

Being YOU is the best thing you could ever be. Who cares about being the thinnest/most expensive/best-looking/most popular/whateverelseyoucouldthinkof person?

God loves us all just as we are; and I, for one, think that totally owns.

<3!

2006-11-21T16:21:00.000+08:00

We will sing pretty songs about love,
and we will fight if that's what it takes,
and we won't back down.
No, we won't shut our eyes and ~~go to sleep~~.
We will write all over your walls, and we will dance to no music at all.
We will do what it takes
to get through to you.

-----

...Somebody hang me from a pedestal and prop my eyelids open with toothpicks, kthx.

I. AM. DROP. DEAD. TIRED.

Yeah, so t'day I woke up at 6am, had my morning expresso, then bundled myself off to MacRitchie for my second canoeing training. Instead of like the last training, Maxy and I took the T-boats out with two other seniors; which was a different experience, and much more intense [sorry Maxy, but duh].

We rowed for ten km. ...And yes, yes. I know. It's not like we just broke a record or killed the canoeists' version of Goliath or whatever. BUTBUT. It was way better than our first training, when we only did 5km. [Pathetic, I know; but it seemed like a decent distance at the time.]
So's. We doubled our distance, which- yeah, is a puhretty good thing for us two n00bs. Whee us. Aaaand we worked on our technique [punch and pull!], aaaand worked on our stamina.

Oh boy, our stamina.

It was also kinduv awkwardish 'cuz I was seated in front, and I kept splashing the senior sitting behind me. *grins* [It was an accident, I swear!] ...But technically, I still ended up wetter than him, so it doesn't count.

Ohyeah, and I got a tan. ...Like, seriously, dude. I got a tan. And duddde. It's, like, bi-coloured, yo.
Which is just wrong, and I totally need to even it out.
Dudddddeee.

Mmhm. And after training; I basically crashed for an hour and a half. I was tired and hungry and all, yeah; but strangely enough- I enjoyed it. ...So I guess you could say it was fun in a painful way...? Is there such a thing?
Well if there isn't, then I just invented it.
So ha, Guinness Book of World Records.

Grah, so that's my day summed up. My legs feel so disgustingly underexercised. Gaw. ...They feel like *insertoverlygraphicdescriptionshere*.

Oh yeah Nic, I totally agree. Carmen Fantasy clashes with Nine Days. Like, durrrrrr.
So I have a proposition.
Whydoncha tune down the classical music for like, just a few seconds; go to my blog, leave countless love tags extolling how wunnerful I am [X)], and headbang to the happy music for a while.
Just a while, I swear.

Pfee, I'm sorry there isn't anything overly juicy for y'all to gossip about this time round.
...See?
My life is just a mild, calm, ocean...

Ohmmmmmmmmmm.

XOXO!